The Edge of Reason

Weekly Rating: Very Bad

If it weren't for the Season 4 premiere of Grey's Anatomy, I do believe I would consider this entire week to be a bust. As it is, I'm hanging on by my fingernails, and the only reason I don't let go is because I keep telling myself there is light at the end of the tunnel (that being a new season of Grey's).

I don't know about you, but I think that my car breaking down in the parking lot of Safeway with a trunk full of groceries (some of which were frozen at one time), a dog fight in my very own kitchen (ending with a little dog that can't move or control her bladder and a big dog that is banned to the kennel), three trips to the doctor's office, a kazillion phone calls to the insurance company, two nights sleeping on the floor by the dog bed, and an entire afternoon spent in the Principal's office at the high school (John made it all of seventeen days this school year before getting sent to see the principal, whereby I ended up being called at home to join him, thus spending three hours of my life defending my son and begging for help from the administration).... I think these things justify rating the week as very bad.

When the guidance counselor at the high school saw me, she said that things could only get better. I'd like to believe her, but I think the only reason she said that was because I was close to tears as I walked into her office looking like something the cat drug home... I had dog fur and dog sick all over me. My shorts had a hole in the seat, and I was wearing an old tee shirt that has "Scrap Girl" printed across the boobs (tacky, to say the least). I had not showered and my legs need shaved. My hair is greasy and my eyes are swollen. My fingernails are chipped and my ponytail was falling out. Needless to say, I did not present myself in the most appealing manner, nor did I look like a mother who had her act together. But, hey! I was there, just as I was summoned, because that's what a mother does - she sets aside all aspects of dignity and vanity and she runs at breakneck speed when her child is in need. So there I was. Take it or leave it. And now I'm home. I still want to cry. But I'm afraid if I let myself do that I will fall apart, and that would mean that I would miss enjoying the one season premiere I have been waiting for all summer long.

Thank God for Grey's Anatomy. At this moment in time, it's all that is keeping me hanging on, because to be quite frank, it's been a very, very bad week.

Seriously? SERIOULSY.

Thank you. Seriously. Thank you, from the very bottom of my heart, I thank you for not judging. I thank you for the outpouring of love. I thank you for the support. And most of all, I thank you for your never-ending friendships. I am blessed.

In spite of all the changes I am currently dealing with, I am still me - that hasn't changed at all. And because I'm still me, I'm still SERIOUSLY addicted to Grey's Anatomy. I've spent the past two nights re-watching all of Season 1. Tonight I begin Season 2, hoping to time my walk down memory lane by completing Season 3 before Season 4 begins on Thursday, September 27, at 9:00 p.m. on ABC (and yes, I do have it written down in my calendar with a red Sharpie marker).

I made my annual fall trek to Target today. A special trip made solely for the purchase of the just released boxed set of the Season 3 episodes of the show I consider to be the best ever made for television (and yes, I am strongly opinionated when it comes to debating that subject). When I got home from my trip to Target, I promptly popped the new music CD into my computer and downloaded (or is it uploaded?) the songs to my iTunes Library. I then plugged in my iPod, added the songs to my Grey's Anatomy Playlist, of which I have two - one for songs from each episode, and one for songs from the CD compilations... then I docked my iPod on the Bose and listened to the Season 3 songs at full volume. Gotta give it to the producers of Grey's Anatomy, they held back almost every song they were going to use on the CD, meaning those songs were previously unreleased and not available until the CD was released. BONUS for me, because what that means is that I only had two songs already on my iPod. And just in case you wondered, the songs I already had are "The Story," by Brandi Carlile, and "A Cold Wind Blows Through Your Door," by Bill Ricchini. Bill Ricchini was one of my favorite new artist discoveries of 2006, thanks to the powers that be at Grey's.

Today as I was basking in all that is Grey's Anatomy, I received an email from ABC Television (yes, I'm on their mailing list because heaven forbid if I were to miss anything remotely related to Grey's Anatomy). Tucked inside the message from my friends at ABC Television was a link to previews of the Grey's Anatomy Season 4 Premiere Episode. And because I know that many of the people who read this blog do so because of a mutual love of all things Grey, I thought I'd share the link to the previews. There is some seriously good stuff contained in this LINK. Once you get to the site, sit back and enjoy because not only are there three brand new previews, but there are also a ton of last season's recaps, as well as interviews with many of the cast members. The video link runs for well over an hour.

In my mind, Grey's Anatomy is good stuff... seriously good stuff. And it is the good stuff that keeps me going... good stuff like a television show that has captured my heart, and friends who stand by me through thick and thin and who continue to love me in spite of my many faults and flaws. The way I see it, it just doesn't get any better than that. Seriously.

Days of the Week

I've not been in a blogging mood lately. In fact, it's been so long since I posted an entry that I had to look up my Typepad password just to find my account. That's bad!

I always know that it is time to get to the business of writing when I start to receive emails asking where I've been and if I'm okay. It's really bad when one of those emails is from my mom. When mom asks what's up, I know it is time to come up for air. So here I am. Note that I am not only behind with the blogging, I am also officially two weeks behind in answering emails. The altercation issue with John has consumed my life for ten days and I am just now able to catch my breath. It's been a very stressful and really wild ride - one that will continue for quite some time, because John will have to testify in court against the boy who slugged him (the police filed assault and battery charges against that boy). I have a feeling it's going to be a long summer. This event has escalated so out of control that the repercussions will be long lasting. And still, I adore my son. He's handled this experience with great maturity, and I think he's learned a few life lessons along the way.

I woke up this morning and thought to myself, "Yay, it's Thursday." As everyone knows, Thursday is my favorite day of the week, because Thursday means just one thing: take out pizza and great t.v.

But now summer is here; Thursdays no longer mean Grey's Anatomy. In my world, that is cause for concern. I think I'll be alright though, because I just purchased a new little DVD player for my scrapbook room, and I set it up on my desk. I'm now able to watch past episodes of Grey's Anatomy as I work (well, I actually listen to the shows since it is difficult to look at the screen while I play with my paper and pretties). Additionally, I have discovered that if I dock my iPod on my desk, I can listen to Season 3 in the same manner. These are the perks of working from home, and these little bits of technology are what will help pass the time while I anxiously await for my Thursdays to return to normal. I love perks! They make working all the more fun, if that is even possible. Really... who could ask for more? I get to make things all day long while listening to my favorite television shows (I've got 2 seasons of Lost and 6 seasons of Gilmore Girls on DVDs too, which means hours and hours of listening pleasure, not to mention all the chick-flicks Alyssa has stashed in her room).

In the meantime, Thursday now become dance days. I love the dancing shows on television, which is not surprising since dancing and music are two of my favorite things in life. And so as I spend my summer working, traveling, and playing, I still have Thursdays to look forward to. Why? Because this is what I'll be watching in place of Grey's Anatomy:

Tonight is the season premiere of So You Think You Can Dance. I'm setting a TiVo Season Pass. I don't want to miss a minute of the dancing and music and fun, because in my mind, this is truly the highlight of summer television. When Alyssa and John were little, I didn't have time to watch television... I was just too busy taking care of them and running them all over town. Now that they are older, I am finding that I have much more time to sit back and relax. Maybe I'm making up for lost time... maybe that is why Thursday is my favorite day of the week... maybe that is why I am so excited to see people celebrate life by dancing to the music... maybe this is my way of celebrating newfound freedom.

Speaking of music, oh my gosh! In addition to loving Thursdays, I am also quite fond of Tuesdays, otherwise known as New Music Tuesday in my house. Having two teens with two very different tastes in music has allowed me to experience music in a whole new light. And because my teenagers have introduced me to many new artists and genres, I've been able to keep up with the times and take full advantage of New Music Tuesday. It's a highlight of my week when I receive an email from iTunes informing me that an album I've preordered has arrived. This week was no different. I woke up Tuesday morning knowing that this was what I had to look forward to:

I've spent all week listening to this album. It's good! Better than I thought it would be for a follow up to Song's About Jane - one of my all-time favorite albums ever. And the bonus is both kids like Maroon 5, so no one asks me to turn it off or change the Playlist. I am a happy girl!

So to sum it up:

• My new DVD player will fuel my Grey's Anatomy addiction all summer long.
• I am looking forward to the new season of So You Think You Can Dance.
• Maroon 5 hit it out of the park with It Won't Be Soon Before Long.

All in all, things are looking up. And after the week I had following the prom and then dealing with John's altercation issues, "looking up" is sounding pretty darn good.

I've come to the conclusion that it's the little things in life that make a person happy. And when the big things begin to overwhelm me, all I have to do is look for little things to find the strength to keep going. Little things like favorite days of the week, good television, new tech toys, dancing and music... it's these things that have given me a much needed boost as I continue to struggle with the everyday issues that come with mothering two teens. Today I'm smiling. Life is good!

Oh. My. Heck.

How happy does this make me? Very, very happy!

I am out of my mind excited to have in my possession the premiere issue of Grey's Anatomy, The Official Magazine. I'm trying my best to hold off curling up in my cozy chair to read it front to back because I'm trying to save it for reading on the plane today. However, I've leafed through the pages, and all I can say is, "Whoa... talk about some serious eye candy." This magazine has it all - pictures, articles, inside scoop, notes about the music, notes about the Podcasts, notes from Joe's bar, shopping, and did I mention pictures? Lots and lots of great pictures.

When one considers that a magazine dedicated to a single television show is all it takes to make me feel like dancing... clearly, I have lost my mind. But, hey - I've admitted that Grey's Anatomy is my guilty pleasure and this is just one more way for me to enjoy my [imaginary] life with my [imaginary] friends at Seattle Grace.

*sigh* Yep, this magazine makes me happy. I ordered a subscription the minute I returned home from Borders, because perish the thought of not being able to find the next issue. As soon as I placed my order, I called my sister to give her the head's up because really, in my world, this is big news.

So that said... in other news: today I'm flying to Dallas for a Luxe Retreat. And then on Saturday, we will be at the Scrapbook Warehouse in Lewisville for the Vendor Fair. I am looking forward to hearing the consumer feedback about Luxe now that people have had a chance to use the product. This should be a good trip. And the really good news is that I'm also looking forward to a few nights of deep sleep on one of the Marriott beds that I am such a fan of. I have been suffering from insomnia for over a month and the last time I slept soundly was in Anaheim on a bed at the Sheraton. I'm wondering if maybe I need to figure out a new sleep set up here in my home. It is obvious that my mattress is not nearly as comfortable as those I sleep on in hotels.

And finally... the timing of this quick trip is good for a personal reason: some of my extended family members are heading to my mom's house for the weekend to celebrate her birthday. It's always difficult when I know they are together on the west coast and I'm so far away on the east coast. The trip to Dallas will take my mind off the fact that those I love the most are playing board games and walking on the beach without me. It's the birthdays and holidays and special events that make me homesick. Hopefully, I'll be able to skip that emotion this time around, since I'll be in my own little happy place doing something I enjoy almost as much as I enjoy spending time with my mom and siblings.

"Time Has Come Today" [Grey's Anatomy, Season 3, Season Premiere]

My self imposed blogging time out is still in effect. However, I had to come out of hiding for this event, because it is THE EVENT of the season. And as Dr. Derek Shepherd would say, "It's a beautiful day to save lives. Let's have some fun."

I will admit that one of the reasons I've been in time out is because I've been spending a whole lot of time bonding with my Grey's Anatomy Season 2 DVDs. And the Grey's Anatomy Soundtrack Volume 2; I've bonded with the music too. If you don't own these treasures yet, run, don't walk, to the nearest store and buy them. They are seriously the best media available. Seriously. I've danced, I've cried, I've laughed, and I've sang as I've listened  to the music. And watching those shows again - oh my heck. It just doesn't get any better than that.

I should be ashamed to admit how many hours I've spent watching last season's episodes. But then I discovered that there are many, many people who are doing the same thing. Therefore, I am not ashamed at all. Instead, I am proud to say that I have discovered a way to squeeze in viewing time without becoming a vegetable on the sofa: I put the DVDs in my computer, I put my headphones on, and I pretend that I am working as I watch each and every episode for the fourth, fifth and even six, seventh and eighth time. Heck, my family doesn't even know what I'm doing. They think I'm busting my butt designing pages and working deals. And the funny thing is - while I've been pretending to be working, I actually have sold a page (digi, no less - how ironic is that?). And I've managed to work a couple of deals - or, I should be honest and confess that the deals actually fell in my lap. I didn't actually have to do much work at all. Okay, I did no work. The deals just happened. I've been on a lucky streak. Bonus!

So... the time has come. It's Season Premiere Day. And I could not be more excited. What is it about this show that has me all tied up in knots? It could be the music. Or maybe it is the chemistry between the characters. I am pretty sure that the awesome writing has a lot to do with it. But most of all, I think it is the directing. Yes, the directing. It's the way the camera moves and pans and captures the scenes. It's the colors and the texture and the feel of each scene. Peter Horton is pure genius. His directing is art in it's finest form. And I think that is why I love this show. It is art on screen. Combine the visual artistry of Peter Horton with the writing artistry of Shonda Rhimes and crew, and, well, for me, that is a masterpiece. And the music is the icing on the cake. The cast is the cherry. And when I sit down and watch this show, I become one with that which is known as Grey's Anatomy; I am a part of Seattle Grace.

So that's where I've been - gearing up for a new season of Grey's Anatomy. It's a big deal in my life. And yes, I agree with everyone who is thinking, "she really needs to get a life." True. But what fun would life be without guilty pleasures? Grey's Anatomy is my guilty pleasure.

And speaking of guilty, I am guilty of selfishness. Yes, that's right. I've been selfish. On Tuesday, September 12, I bought the Grey's Anatomy, Season 2 DVDs (purchased at 8:30 a.m. on the day of release I might add, as I went to Target without my hair combed and with no makeup on to ensure that I would be one of the first in line to buy these treasures, fearing that they might sell out before the end of the day). Alyssa was almost as excited as I was that these DVDs were in our possession. And that was fine. I don't mind the fact that my daughter loves this show. Not a problem. The problem only arises when 1) she asks me if she can borrow the DVDs and loan them to her boyfriend for the weekend, huh? And 2) I had a real problem loaning DVDs to Alyssa and Matt after I watched the UNCUT version of the steamy sex scene in the Season 2 finale. Man-oh-man, that scene is erotic. And the last thing I want is for my 16 year old daughter to watch it with her 18 year old boyfriend. Not going to happen. Not on my watch. Thus, I became the most selfish mother in America.

When Alyssa asked me if she could borrow the DVDs, my mouth dropped open. The audacity of her - to ask me such a thing the very week that I got the whole UNCUT versions of this show. My husband burst out laughing when Alyssa asked the question. He said, "Are you kidding? Your mother walks around the house carrying the box from room to room. She has slept with the box." True story because on the first night I had the new DVDs, I fell asleep in my chair holding the box and when he woke me up, I was clutching it to my chest. He continued by saying, "And now you think she is going to let those disks leave the house? Good luck." Sadly, he was right. I was too selfish to share my new DVDs. And so we compromised: Alyssa was allowed to take one DVD to Matt's house, but she was told to bring it home that same night, because previously, she had loaned my Season 1 DVDs to Matt and I didn't see those for six full weeks. Not good. Not good at all. Like I said, I take my Grey's Anatomy very seriously, and loaning out my DVDs is a serious infraction of the rules.

And so it goes, a new season of Grey's Anatomy, which I expect will include a serious dose of feel good television, with a healthy dose of love and laughter. What more could a person ask for? Really, I'm easy to please. And this show pleases me immensely.

I imagine my self imposed time out will end soon. I'm getting the itch to write again. I finally have new things to say and good news to share. There for a while, I feared I was becoming redundant and rather boring. Like I said, I really need to get a life. Thankfully, I think I've found the solution and I foresee many good things in my future.

It's all good. And it all begins tonight with the Season 3 premiere of Grey's Anatomy. Yeah, I'm exited.

So You Think You Can Dance?

Whoa. It doesn't take much to mess with my mind. And the few recent changes in the configuration of TypePad are much more than a little bit for someone as computer illiterate as I am. When did those changes occur? I sure didn't notice changes yesterday when I was plugging in the Chicago skyline pictures. Sigh. Obviously, I'm having a hard time adjusting to my reality after the weekend I just had.

Anyway, my mind just had a boggle over the TypePad configuration and that means I won't be trying to figure out the picture and album thing tonight, not after spending an entire day with the teenagers. I'm still going through re-entry after the trip, and a day with teenagers does not make for a smooth transition. A day spent with Alyssa and John (together, in the same space) is more like slamming into the wall of my reality.

So... no pictures. Darn it.

On the bright side, this means an entire entry about So You Think You Can Dance? because, to be honest, it was the best part of my day and I'm still basking in the after glow of tonight's show.

I love SYTYCD. Love, love, love it. In my opinion, tonight's show was this season's best yet. Dare I admit that I cried - not once, but twice - as I watched Benji and Heidi dance tonight? Sheesh. One would think I actually know them. Or maybe that I actually know something about dance as an art. I don't. But I know entertainment. And I know that I think Benji is the best dancer I've watched in a long time. Tonight when Kat Deely announced that he was partnered with his cousin Heidi, I knew the audience was in for a treat. And OH BOY! What a treat it was.

Watching Heidi and Benji dancing together is one of the most entertaining things I have experienced in a long time. Yes, I know they have been performing as a team since they were six years old. And one might even argue that because of their history as a partners, they had an unfair advantage tonight. But you know what? I really don't care. It's a contest and they have both made it to the final eight dancers based upon their talent and their previous performances with other partners. Tonight they were partnered together by the luck of the draw. Nothing unfair about that. Not the way I look at it. In fact, the way I see it, the luck of that draw turned out to be nothing but great entertainment for the audience.

And so, yeah, I cried when they danced... both times. And I cried some more when the judges critiqued them. And then I cried again when they showed the recap at the end of the show. I'm not kidding when I say that I seriously might cry if Benji does not win this competition.

And this is why I say that a little tiny change in the configuration of TypePad messes with mind. I'm an emotional mess right now. I'm dealing with re-entry after a trip. I'm dealing with teenagers who are constantly trying to do bodily harm to one another. I'm dealing with withdrawals from my scrapbooking friends after the most wonderful trip I've ever had. And I'm dealing with living vicariously through reality t.v. characters who I don't even know, but who turn me into a puddle when they show up on my television screen and dance their hearts out. How on earth am I supposed to figure out changes in TypePad with all these emotions swirling around in my head? Seriously, I'm not quite there yet. I need a day to work with the new set up. 11:00 at night is not a good time to try to place the photos in an album on the sidebar; not when I'm an emotional train-wreck.

But I know eventually I'll get there. It just takes time.

Full House, a Truck, and a Salamander

Full House premiered in 1987, before my children were even born. Alyssa and John are now teenagers - which means that they have been watching Full House their entire lives. What that also means is that I have been subjected to over sixteen years of Michelle, Stephanie, DJ, Dad-Danny, Uncle Jesse, Uncle Joey, and DJ's friend Kimmy Gibbler. If I had been keeping count, I am sure that I have seen every single episode at least thirty or forty times because, even though my kids are now teenagers, they still love Full House and they still watch it every single day of their lives.

So why am I writing about Full House? Because with all this rain, I'm feeling a little bit stir crazy, and if I have to watch or listen to one more episode of this show, I am seriously going to lose my mind. Which is why this afternoon I made a new rule in our house: NO Full House when Mom is in the vicinity. Period. There is no wiggle room on this rule. If Mom walks in the room and this show is on (which, in my opinion, Full House is on 24/7 - or at least that's what it seems like)... if this show is on the screen, the channel gets changed immediately, or else said Mom will turn off the television and take away the remote controls. Because right now, I am so sick of those darling Olsen twin babies that I am very close to throwing up.

Every summer we go through this same routine. And every summer, I ask the kids nicely to please not watch Full House every hour on the hour. And every summer, I make The Rule. And every summer, I cave. But not this summer. Nope. This summer, I am going to hold firm. This summer, I am not bending - not even for one episode. This summer, if my kids want to watch Full House, they either do it away from me, or they pay the piper. What I once thought of as a darling family show, has now become the bane of my existence. And that is all I have to say on this subject.
[Removing the Crabby Mom hat now.]

In other news: This is what was parked in my driveway this afternoon. And I have to confess - I did a little happy dance when the guy arrived. I was sorely tempted to hug the dude who came out and fixed my a/c, but he was a little bit creepy. He had the whole Willie Nelson look going on - braids and all. So I refrained from hugging the guy and just thanked him profusely instead. And now the rain can go away and the sun is welcome to shine.

<--- Speaking of rain, look what lost his way from the creek. This is what I think to be a Blue Tailed Salamander. It's a cute little bugger, if I do say so myself. Of course, when it slithered and slid out from under my garage door, and when I thought it was a snake instead of a Sally, I didn't think the creature was quite so darling. But once I discovered it had legs, I decided that it was a fine reptile indeed.

And so goes another rainy day in Virginia. To sum it up:

• NO Full House allowed... at all... never... and I mean it this time.
• The a/c is fixed and running strong - bring on the summer.
• Salamanders are good, snakes are bad. Salamanders get their pictures taken. Snakes get their heads chopped off with the shovel.

Email Loser, Idol Winner

I had a really cool epiphany today, and I plan to write about it soon. However, tonight my heart is overflowing with gratitude. Therefore, my epiphany will have to wait for a day or two because I want to publicly say thank you to a whole lot of people.

I've been rather cranky lately. I hate it when I am cranky. Usually, I go into creative overdrive when I am in a bad mood because, for me, that is the best way to shake the funk. Unfortunately, my mojo has left the building and creativity is just not happening. I tried. I really did. In fact, yesterday I actually designed some pages for a circle journal. They were crash and burns. Into the trash they went. And that meant that I missed a mailing deadline. I feel like such a slacker. I take these circle journals very seriously, and I would never contribute anything but my best effort to someone else's journal. Therefore, I felt as though I had no choice but to throw that pathetic piece of work away. Back to the drawing board I must go.

I tried to design again today. No luck. Seriously, my mojo is gone. I have got to get rid of this foul mood I'm in. Thankfully, I have friends who sense my moods, and today, some of those wonderful women reached out to me. I ended up spending the entire afternoon with my gal-pals - online, via email. For me, this is a big deal, because, I confess: I am horrible when it comes to responding to emails. (at this moment, I can actually see people who are reading this shake their heads in agreement, because I'm that bad.) I am always at least 100 replies behind. And that includes corresponding with my family. I am the epitome of an email LOSER. This is one thing that I have really struggled with over the years, because I LOVE getting email, and I feel very guilty that I pretty much suck at sending it. When my in box is full, I am a happy girl. Email excites me. The whole concept of sending and receiving mail in real time has opened a whole new world to me - a world that has allowed me meet new people and to keep in touch with family and friends from all over the country. Or, I should say has allowed people to attempt to keep in touch with me. I do not exaggerate when I say I am a bad responder. But in my mind, I respond to each and every message I receive. I mentally respond when I am washing dishes or working on my pages. I even compose responses in the shower and while I'm driving the car. But when it comes to actually sitting down and tapping on the keys to type out my thoughts, I fail miserably. So for me to spend an entire afternoon playing catch up... well, that was a major accomplishment.

But my success at hitting Send today was not due to any effort on my part. No. It was due to those friends who reached out to me, sensing that I was in need of moral support. I am blessed to have such wonderful friends - women who accept me as I am and don't judge or jump to conclusions when I disappear for weeks and months at a time. And I include many of my blog readers in that group. You people also reach out. I feel it. I sense it. And I read it when you comment. From the bottom of my heart, I sincerely thank you. Because without the support and love from my friends, I fear that I would sink into a very dark place. I have been blessed with friendships that are powerful and strong; friendship that truly do stand the test of time. These friends understand when I am sinking, and they don't allow me to drown; they see it coming and they literally rush to my aid. I don't know what I've done to deserve such support, but I am truly grateful for it. (Of course, now that I have publicly admitted that I am an email LOSER, more than likely, no one will ever email me again!).

And so tonight, I thank my friends. And I also thank those who take the time to read this blog, for it is here that I share my heart, and anyone who spends time reading what I share has to know me to some degree. To the people who return time and time again to read my words, I greatly appreciate your thoughts and prayers. And this includes the shy ones who do not comment or email me, because in spite of the lack of contact, I still feel your kindness and your support.

On a less sappy note: not only did I spend the afternoon typing my fingers to the bone, I spent the evening dialing my fingers to the bone. I honestly think I dialed 866-436-5702 (04) (06) at least 500 times Tuesday night. And with all those tries, spanning a four hour period, I was only able to cast five votes for Taylor Hicks. I really want this guy to win American Idol. I love cheering for the underdog, and Taylor seemed to have no chance at the beginning of the season. Simon Cowell didn't even want to send Hicks to Hollywood. I can't imagine what this season of A.I. would have been like without Taylor's soulful voice and quirky dancing. This guy has a passion for music unlike anything I've seen in a long time. Passion and soul ooze from his heart when he sings. Which is exactly why I hope he wins. He may not be stereotypical "idol" material, but in my opinion, he has earned the right to be named an American Idol.

LOST: My Mojo; FOUND: The Culprit

Seven days. That's how long it's been since I've created anything. For some, seven days may not seem like a long time. But for me, seven days is traumatic. I am used to working with paper and pictures, making layouts and designs, every single day. Creating is how I express myself. It is part of my routine. It defines who I am. And more importantly, it soothes my soul. Sadly, I've lost my mojo. And I have no idea where it has gone. For the past six weeks, I've been on fire with creative ideas. The Big Picture Scrapbooking Doing It Digi class opened a new world to me. And from the moment I began working on the class projects, right up through last Tuesday, I could hardly contain all of my ideas. Unfortunately, last week the creative fire went out, and it has not been seen since.

Over the years I've discovered numerous ways to spark the creative juices. And in the past, there has always been a method to my madness: ignore the process and let it come to me. Don't force it. Don't demand it. Just let it happen. And so I decided to rely on some of my old tricks this week, hoping that something... anything... would spark the flame. Thus far, I've tried stepping away from the computer and my pictures and getting back to basics. I've performed the mundane tasks of grocery shopping, cleaning, and laundry - lots and lots of laundry. That hasn't worked. I've tried baking cookies because, once upon a time, I discovered that measuring and mixing can be inspirational (do NOT ask me how that works, because I have no idea). Sadly, inspiration was not found in the cookies either. Yesterday, I even played with the banner on my blog, thinking that maybe the process would lead to something bigger and better and maybe even inspiring. Nothing. Not a thing. No mojo. No spark. And definitely no flame.

And so today I took my camera out and decided to go for a walk. My friend, Amy, swears that taking nature pictures is the best source of inspiration to be found. I've taken her advice many times in the past, and it has worked wonders. And so I figured I had nothing to lose by trying it again.

First stop: my yard. My yard is boring. I don't have a green thumb, and I don't enjoy digging in the dirt. I do, however, like flowers. If I had my way, I'd live in a house surrounded by acres of flowers, with an on-site gardener to tend to the care and keeping of the blooms. Alas, no gardener lives here. And so the only flowers to be found are on a lilac bush located near a corner of my house. Once a year there is a splash of color in my yard. This week the lilacs began to bloom. The color is brilliant, and for a few short days, my yard won't look so dull. Of course I had to take pictures of the lilac bush.

The pictures turned out great. I was excited. In fact, I was almost inspired. But as I was downloading the pictures to my computer, I came to a startling realization - all of a sudden, I knew what had happened to my mojo: it left my soul because for the past seven days I have been consumed by television. That is the problem - I have been watching too much t.v. because everything on television is wonderful in May. All of the shows and characters that I've followed since September are concluding their stories with wild and fantastic finales. Every night for one solid week, I have gone to bed with my mind reeling from the images on the screen. Thus, there is no room left in my brain for creativity to grow.

I won't deny that I love t.v. And it would be foolish of me to proclaim that all of a sudden I have decided to give it up. No, I'm not going to do that, because I enjoy television as much as I enjoy playing with pictures and color. What this new revelation has done for me is answer the question, "where has my mojo gone?" This new bit of information has allowed me to see that intense television viewing and fabulous creative ideas do not go hand in hand. And that's okay, because now I know. Knowledge is power, and come next May I will know better than to force the issue. I will take a break and lessen the expectations I have on myself. And that's okay too, because sometimes when I step away, I am able to dig in with renewed energy and vitality when I get back to doing the things I love.

And as I looked at the pictures of my lilacs, I did feel a spark of the old flame. I have a few ideas mulling around in my mind, and maybe tomorrow they will come to the surface and I will be able to reignite the flame. I'd like to create a page filled with color that includes the pictures I took today. Maybe I will... and maybe I won't. Either way, the idea is there and I'm starting to feel inspired once again.

That's the thing about creativity - it can't be forced. But if a person looks at it in terms of making something from nothing, creativity can be approached like building a fire: all that is required is some fuel and a spark to get it going. The only time the fire has no chance at all is when it is smothered and has no oxygen. And that was my problem, I smothered my mojo by crowding it with too much television. And by doing so, I robbed my mojo of the necessary oxygen required to grow.

And thus I have learned another lesson in the journey of life. I didn't know, and now I do. That's a good thing, right?

This is My Superbowl

This is my Superbowl: May Sweeps. And tonight is the night I've looked forward to for an entire season: the final two hours that are the Season Finale of Grey's Anatomy. Dare I admit that I have watched Sunday's episode, 17 Seconds, four times in less than 24 hours? Never in my life have I loved a television series as much as I love this show. It just doesn't get any better than the world that is Grey. So to all my fellow Grey's fans, and to all those who have only just begun the journey that is Seattle Grace, here's to fabulous television, and here's to all that we have grown to love during the past fifteen months (including reruns, DVDs, Soundtracks, and everything we have recorded). May our memories and the reruns tide us over until September comes again.

As I sadly say farewell to another fabulous season, I give a big shout out to Mark Wilding, Gabrielle Stanton, Harry Werksman, Tony Phelan, Kip Koenig, Zoanne Clack, Krista Vernoff, Mimi Schmir, Stacy McKee, Shonda Rhimes, Jim Parriott, and Joan Rater - seriously THE BEST TEAM OF WRITERS there has ever been in all the history of the world (okay, that part is my opinion, but I know there are others who share my sentiment). These people are brilliant. For two seasons they have developed characters and storylines with so much depth and so many layers that I continue to stand amazed by the genius with which they write and produce. The stories have touched my heart each week, as I've laughed, and I've cried, I've hurt and I've celebrated with Meredith and Derek, Izzie and Alex, Burke and Cristina, and Bailey and The Chief. From the opening scene of the very first episode, A Hard Day's Night, to the closing scene of the Season 2 Finale, Losing My Religion, I have felt as though these characters were my friends, my family, my doctors, and my people. And every single week since that day in March 2005, I have been blown away by the brilliance with which this team produces a show that has become my addiction.

I never knew I could get so wrapped up in television. But I did. And I am. So here's to Grey's Anatomy. It's been a great year.

Some Television, A Holiday, and A Nest

I announced to my family today that I may be a bit out of touch this coming week. They didn't even have to ask me why. They knew that I was talking about May Sweeps - the week that I look forward to all year long. In my opinion, television in May is the best television there is. And since I am a proclaimed television addict, it goes without saying that I love May Sweeps.

Today I have a little rant about May Sweeps. But I've already beaten that dead horse to death, so I won't waste my blog time rehashing an old gripe. If you aren't aware of what I am talking about, see this post on 2Peas. It pretty much sums up how I feel about Mr. Prez messing with my viewing time. I think it is rude. And that is my final word on the subject.

On a more positive note, it's Mother's Day. I spent my morning listening to my new CD by KT Tunstall, Eye to the Telescope. It features the song Black Horse and the Cherry Tree, which I fell in love with when Katharine McPhee performed the song on American Idol. The CD is fabulous. And I was touched that John was so thoughtful to give me a CD that I've been talking about for two weeks as a Mother's Day gift. He's a pretty cool kid.

After a lazy morning of lounging in my jams, listening to my tunes, and making a list of things to buy with the Yankee Candle gift certificate from Alyssa, the kids announced that they would like to take me to an early dinner at Red Robin. I jumped at the invitation. It was a fun way to honor the day and enjoy each others company. *sigh* I do so love my children.

When I woke up this morning, I had good intentions to write about Mother's Day and all that it means to me. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that every entry I write celebrates motherhood. With my words, I celebrate the good, and the bad, and all the in between. I do this every time I sit down and share my thoughts. Therefore, anything I say specifically might come across as insincere or contrived. Needless to say, I won't be waxing poetic about Mother's Day today. I will continue to let my daily observations speak for themselves.

And so with that, I say happy Mother's Day to all the mothers. And happy Mother's Day to all the children. And to take it one step further, I say happy Mother's Day to all the mother's that will be, because those women deserve to be celebrated too. I wore those shoes many years ago, and I know what it feels like to long for the day to hold a baby in your arms. To those women, I offer a special hug and a prayer.

As I settle into my chair preparing to spend an entire evening watching television, I close with this collage - a group of photos showing the nest we discovered in our garage yesterday. This nest was built in a bike helmet. It was huge, weighing at least five pounds. I took these pictures because I could not believe that between the four of us, no one noticed a nest of birds living right outside our door. The Momma bird who lovingly built such a large nest for such a tiny egg, surely loved her babies. She was a good mother!

Idol Chatter

Book Club Tuesday: truly one of my favorite days of the month. Last night was no different. We had so much fun. I love spending time with my book club buddies because we talk about television shows as much as we discuss the monthly book selection. We got lucky last night because the crabby lady was a no show. The atmosphere was almost celebratory when we realized she was not going to be there raining on our parade. We all took a guess as to why she didn't attend the meeting. The consensus was that she stayed home to watch American Idol. The rest of us TiVo'd it, so we were able to enjoy the evening, knowing that when we were done, we could turn on our TiVo's and fast forward through all the commercials.

Speaking of Idol: I watched it twice once I returned from my book club gathering. I've got some opinions this week. And since it's my blog, that means I get to share them (grin):

• I have never heard the song Black Horse and a Cherry Tree before. But after hearing Katherine sing it, I am on the hunt for the original version. I really like this song, and I loved how she sang it, although I could have done without the dancing on her knees throughout the performance. That was a bit distracting. Regardless of the knee-dance, I'm glad she did well with her second song, because she sure did butcher the first one she sang. It actually made me cringe as I watched her struggle. I like Katherine. At first, I wanted her to win the whole she-bang. Now I just want her to stick around a little longer. I don't think she'll win, but I could be wrong. The judges adore her.
• Elliott continues to grow on me, and I thought he did well with both of his songs last night. He is one of those contestants who seems to get better and improve each week. His voice is soothing and smooth. I think I would buy his CD, therefore I guess that means I like him just fine. I can't believe that I actually think he has a chance at a spot in the finals. It very well may come down to him and Chris. If it goes by vocals alone, then he stands a chance of a coveted position in the final two.
• Chris won my heart way back during the audition process. I'm not a rock 'n roll fan, but when his CD is released, I'll be one of the first in line to buy it. He's changed my opinion of rock, which pleases my son immensely. When he sang his version of Styx Renegade, I was pleasantly surprised. Renegade is one of those songs that takes me right back to the days spent hanging out in my high school parking lot. So many memories tied up in one, single song. Thank heavens Chris didn't spoil those memories for me. I would have never forgiven him. I think he's going to win this competition. In my opinion, he's the best competitor and I believe he will win. However, for his overall career options, I think that he would be better off coming in second, rather than winning and being tied to the Idol empire for however long the contract is for. I say that from a business standpoint, and not from a promotional standpoint.
• Taylor Hicks. Okay, the guy is just plain "out there," but I like his personality and his voice so much that I want him to be in the finals of this competition. I will buy his CD no matter where he ends up this season. I love his voice and that's all there is to it. I've been cheering him on since his very first audition. He's one of my all-time-favorite Idols ever. Last night his songs were just so-so. But he has charisma, and charisma factors in a lot when it comes to American Idol. This is where he has the edge on Katherine and Elliott. They lack charisma.
• And finally, Little Miss Paris. I'm sorry to say, her speaking voice annoys the heck out of me and I just can't seem to get past that when she sings. I do NOT care for the way she over enunciates the words of her lyrics either. Plus, she says thank you to the judges regardless of what they say to her. That is insincere and just plain inappropriate, in my opinion. So I want her out of there... she's too young to win this competition. The others are more mature and their voices and styles are much more developed and refined. So I'll say buh-bye right now, and hope that I am right. I will be upset if Katherine or Elliott go home tonight.

Since TypePad was down all afternoon and evening yesterday, I was unable to post last night. I watched A.I. instead. All in all, not a bad deal. This entry may not be something anyone will care about next week, next month, or next year. But today, this is what I'm thinking about. That's what happens when I write in the mornings instead of at night. There is not a whole lot on my mind in the mornings. I'm a slow starter; it takes me a while to get going. And today, it's no wonder that I'm slow to start, considering I stayed up until 1:00 last night watching American Idol.

a new tablet, a boyfriend, and American Idol

And in other news: Tonight as we did the dishes, Alyssa shyly told me that she has a boyfriend. She is almost 16 years old and this is her first official boyfriend. He attends the neighboring high school, which, according to Alyssa, is the best way to have a boyfriend because it doesn't create drama every day. I have to agree with her on that one. Thankfully, I know his mother. And although I'm having a major freak out, it is somewhat comforting to know the parents. Unfortunately, he drives a car, and that means that I have just added another item to my list of things to worry about.

American Idol: Tonight's episode was, in my opinion, the best ever American Idol to date. I love the classics. I adore Rod Stewart. And this season's contestants are the most talented group yet. Add those things together, and you've got a winning combination for a show. Even Simon was happy! I'm kicking myself because I did not think to TiVo it; I would have loved watching this episode again.

Back to the new tablet: If I thought there was a high learning with the digital scrapbooking, then I have just increased that curve tenfold by adding a tablet to the mix. But I couldn't resist. I've wanted one of these tablets for the past year, and once I began dabbling with the digi, I had a legitimate reason to buy a Wacom. The way I look at it is that if I am going to learn something new, I may as well learn all the way.

Sneak Peek and some comments on Grey's Anatomy

Because I am frantically putting the finishing touches on instructions, in addition to creating a handout and making step-outs for this class, I'm going to share the second project that I will be teaching this weekend. I will try to squeeze this project in at the end of the class. I don't know if we will have time or not. It's difficult to factor in time when working with sewing machines because some people sew fast and some people sew slow. In addition, there are always thread breaks and bobbins running out, all of which can't really be scheduled into the actual outline of instruction.

A while back, someone asked me what event I was going to be teaching at. Unfortunately, I am so far behind on my emails (as in weeks and weeks behind), I never did respond. I sincerely apologize for the lack of a timely response. I'm working on being better about this, but thus far, I've still not slayed the monster that is my downfall - procrastination.  In any case, if anyone else was curious as to where I will be this weekend, here is the link with the information: Mid-Atlantic Scrapbook & Memories Showcase. Someone else asked me what sewing machines I use. I am fortunate to be working with Tacony Corporation, the parent company of Baby Lock Sewing. I consult, instruct and design for their Education Division via freelance work. They have provided me with the Ellure sewing machine, which is what we will be using in the classes this weekend. I love this machine! It is more than enough sewing machine for me. And if I ever figure out how to work all the computer features, I am going to be on my way to becoming a creative genius. In the meantime, since the machine is very user friendly, I am able to sit down and sew with no effort at all.

In other news: I have two comments regarding Grey's Anatomy. First of all, I am dying for an update on the Grey Matter blog. What in the world is taking them so long? I cannot wait to read what Krista Vernoff and Mimi Schmir have to say about why they did what they did with last night's episode. I love reading the ins and outs of the creative process that goes on behind the scenes. For some reason, this completes an episode for me. Without the inside scoop, I feel as though I'm missing the icing on the cake.

And secondly, speaking of last night's episode, I am so disturbed by the ending. I haven't stopped thinking about it all day long. I mean, really, it bothers me to even contemplate George and Meredith doing anything that involves skin to skin contact (how dare Krista and Mimi. I can't believe that they added that to their script. I want to strangle them both because usually the episodes they write are funny to the core without anything disturbing going on.).

I've watched this episode, titled Yesterday, three times already. And each time, I am more disturbed by the ending. I loved everything else that happened in last nights show - especially the knock out punch thrown by McDreamy, and the McSteamy and McVomit comments (I'm still chuckling when I think of all the McFunny remarks that have already been made in regard to that scene), but I hated the ending.

Enough said. I need to regroup before next week because next week the viewers are going to be forced to revisit the whole skin to skin contact with George and Meredith. Eeeewww.

Sunday Ramblings

Because it is the holidays season, and because it is the start of a new week, I am going to jot down some of the things that I have on my mind. These thoughts are all over the place, and for that reason, the only way to put them on the page [screen] that will make any sense at all is to use those bullet points that always put a smile on my face. *Sigh* I do love the bullet point format.

• My two worlds have collided: The world of scrapbooking as I know it has crashed into the world that is my real life. I don't know why I am surprised that this happened. I've said all along that scrapbookers make up a very small community that is part of the world as a whole. I've witnessed that small world factor on the scrapbooking side of things as I've traveled across the country and bumped into people that I've met previously at other events. But I have never had it happen like it did yesterday when my real life collided with my scrapbooking life. Last night when I wrote about the CO Bigelow Mentha Lip Shine - Mint-Infused, Breath Freshening Lip Gloss, I had no idea that my internet scrapbooking friend Katrina was the Project Manager of this product. It literally blew my mind when she left a comment on my blog stating that this product was her lip gloss. I've never talked with Katrina about her occupation outside of the scrapbook industry. We talk scrap and that's how we have become friends. I knew that she worked in cosmetics, but I've never asked her exactly what it was that she did in the cosmetic industry. Good heavens, that is a pretty big industry; so to find out that she not only worked with the Mentha Shine, but that she was the Project Manager of the entire line... well, suffice it to say, I was out of my mind excited. I will be going to Bath & Body Works this week to pick up some more lip gloss. Because of the Katrina factor, I'm giving this great invention as Christmas gifts this year. When I told Alyssa this little factoid, I could see that she was very impressed with the caliber of friends that I choose to associate with. And when I read Katrina's comment to my husband, I could tell that he thinks my blog is read the world over. Oh yes, my worlds have collided and it has just tickled me pink. I will be sharing this story for many months to come, it makes me that happy.
• Tonight is the season finale of Survivor: Guatemala. In the past, this has always created a level excitement for me. I love to see the culmination of an entire season come down to one sole survivor. But since TiVo entered my home, the timing of the finale has caused me a bit of stress. Because with TiVo comes options and choices and decisions. I've never been in this position since I started watching Survivor years ago - always, Survivor came first, no questions asked. But now I have choices and I've created a dilemma for myself. Do I record the reunion part of the show, or do I record my new favorite series Grey's Anatomy? For you see, this is my life. I am pathetic: I have become totally and completely addicted to television. Even more so than I was previously. TiVo has opened a whole new world for me, and it is a world that I am in love with. I am able to watch my favorite shows whenever I desire. I can watch them over and over again when I'm in the mood to relax. I can watch Dr. Phil at midnight. I can watch Survivor two and three times a week. I can watch episodes of Desperate Housewives back to back. And, best of all, I can watch Lost in slow motion so that I am able to catch all of those secret little things that the producers throw in. So the question is: Do I record Survivor and watch Grey's Anatomy? Or do I record Grey's Anatomy and watch Survivor? In the grand scheme of life, this is not important. But in the grand scheme of my day, it is critical. After giving this much thought and consideration, I have decided to watch Survivor in real time, which means I will not have a recording of it and I will not be able to watch it again. I will record Grey's Anatomy and watch it at 11:00, which will allow me to watch it on Monday night and Tuesday night if I so desire. Yep, that's what I've decided. I really put a lot of thought into this.
• One half of a basketball uniform is missing. Where could those shorts have gone? We have searched the house high and low. They are nowhere to be found. When we took inventory before the season began, the shorts were there, so we only ordered a new uniform top for John. By the time the season began, the shorts were missing. We have concluded that when John cleaned his room over the Thanksgiving break, he threw the shorts away along with all the other junk in his room. The cost of cleaning his room will now total $35. 
• Have you tried these? One word: addictive.  I do not need another addiction in my life. I've got enough of those as it is.
• As we enter the final stage of planning the trip to Grandma's, Alyssa announced that she is in need of new luggage. And she's right. The soft-sided duffel that she has been using for the past ten years is no longer sufficient for her clothing, make-up, shoes, hair dryer, and whatever else is deemed an essential tool in the day-to-day care and keeping of her appearance. So yesterday when we were shopping in the Land of Oz, we decided to check out the luggage selection at Hechts. Lo and behold, there was a three piece luggage set on sale for $50. It was a brand that I was not familiar with, but it came with a three year warranty, and I figured that for $50, if it lasts three years, I will have gotten my money's worth. Instead of doing the right thing and telling her that it was an early Christmas gift, I did the complete opposite and did the Bad Momma thing: I bribed her. I told her that I would buy the luggage, if she would consider it to be payment for my use of time on her computer. Now, I'm not just talking about sharing the computer. What I was bartering for was the option to load all of my programs and files onto her computer for the duration of the laptop's death. Being the wheeler and dealer that she is, she jumped at the opportunity to get the magenta luggage set. I feel as though the bargain was well worth my $50. I've already loaded PSE 3.0 to the hard drive.

As I sat and watched John play basketball this afternoon, thoughts of all nature were banging around in my mind. This time of year about does me in. I'm not used to thinking about so many different things all at once. There is much to do with very little time to accomplish it. And so it becomes very easy to feel overwhelmed and frustrated.

But tonight, in spite of how busy I am, and in spite of all the things I have on my mind, I plan on curling up in front of the fire and enjoying the one night of television that I look forward to all season long: the Survivor finale. I only hope that my brain will shut down long enough to allow me to enter that world of reality television that I have come to love. Because when that happens, I am able to begin my week energized and rejuvenated - so much, that I accomplish great things. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

Because

• Because it is Thursday and I recorded Survivor, and I am having a love affair with my TiVo, and I want to watch Survivor again tonight -
• Because I've been fighting a headache for over 24 hours and I am having a hard time concentrating -
• Because I have nothing on my mind -

I will not be making an entry tonight. However, I did just see this commercial and if you would like to know how I feel about it, I suggest you read the entry I made in August. It pretty much sums up my thoughts on this sort of thing.

That's Entertainment

When I was a little girl growing up in LaCenter, Washington on a small farm, we didn't watch much television. For one thing, there was not much for kids to watch in the 1960's except cartoons, and I was never a Road Runner fan. I had two brothers who loved the Road Runner and his nemesis Wiley Coyote. So even if I would have wanted to watch The Flintstones or The Jetsons, my brothers would have outnumbered me and I would not have won. Since I wasn't that attached to Pebbles and BamBam or Jane and Judy, I always found other things to do on Saturday mornings. During the week there were just too many activities that went on outside of the house, and to be honest, I can't remember the television being on at all. I don't remember my parents watching the news. I don't remember them sitting down at night to watch Bonanza. The only thing I recall is that on from Friday, Saturday and Sunday evenings, they would turn on the television and watch the "weekend" lineup.

In the 1970's The Brady Bunch and The Partridge Family were added to the line up. It was then that I got a clue and started to like that great big box that sat in our living room. Each week, I looked forward to Friday nights because it was then that I could learn how to be popular by watching Marcia Brady. And I thought that David Cassidy was about the cutest guy on the planet. It was also about that time that my parents built a new home up on the hill of our farmlands that we got a second television where the kids could watch without our parents joining us. We kids had never had so much freedom before, and since we'd never in our life had a room all our own (the playroom), my siblings and I went a bit overboard. We watched television all the time. I even sewed with the television on when it was summer vacation, and I quickly fell in love with daytime TV too. I began watching General Hospital and All My Children when I was eleven years old. 

It only took a few months of listening to us fight over the television until my mother came up with what she considered to be a brilliant solution. Each Sunday night, she handed out tickets... the kind of tickets that they used at the carnivals. The sort that come in a great big round roll and are made of two parts - THAT kind of tickets. Where she got the roll of tickets, I'll never know, but I thought it was pretty cool that my mother would have her very own jumbo roll of tickets just like they had at the Clark County Fair. Each Sunday night, she counted out our individual tickets. I can't even remember how many we received, but it did not even come close to being enough tickets to maintain our newly formed habit. It didn't take long for my brothers and me to start bartering our tickets. And that opened a big can of worms with a completely different set of problems for my mom to deal with. I think her ticket system was very short lived. For an entire year after the ticket system was introduced I searched for that jumbo roll of tickets. I never could find them. I've always considered them to be the mystery tickets.

By the time I was old enough to start earning my own money, we had moved to the city and I hit the babysitting bonanza. For a fourteen year old, I was rolling in spending money. It didn't take long for me to save enough to buy my own little black and white television - one that I could put in my bedroom at night so that I could watch Roots and The Thorn Birds - those shows that were true mini series that seemed to go on and on, night after night. The premise of my own television was that I needed a small unit to watch while I sewed. Well, I did move the little television back and forth from my bedroom to the sewing room. However, when I bought it, the real intent was to keep it all to myself in my bedroom so I wouldn't have to fight with my brothers over what shows I wanted to watch.

I went to college in the fall of 1980. It took me just one semester to figure out that practically the entire campus shut down at 1:00 each afternoon. The 1:00 classes were empty, but the at the same time, the campus hub was overflowing with students. Why? Because that was the time of day that General Hospital was aired and in 1981, Luke and Laura got married. When I returned from Christmas break for my second semester, my classes were scheduled around General Hospital. Needless to say, I remember watching Luke marry Laura with about 100 other students cheering and clapping. That same year, I watched Prince Charles marry Lady Diana Spencer in the middle of the night with those same 100 students.

When I was pregnant with Alyssa, I was a working girl and I carpooled to work with another woman from the office. Each morning as I would wait for her to arrive at my house, I would sit at the kitchen table drinking coffee and watching The Today Show. In 1990, the hosts of The Today Show were Jane Pauley and Bryant Gumbel. I loved Jane Pauley. I thought she was so wise and smart and professional. I'd been watching her on television for several years and on those mornings as I drank my coffee and waited for my ride, I felt as though I was spending time with a close confidant and friend. Is it any wonder that my daughter's middle name is Jane? She was named after Jane Pauley because I felt as though the name lent itself to great future achievements.

It's been over fifteen years since I named my daughter after a television personality. And I am still hopelessly addicted to television. My love of TV has not lessened over the years. If anything, it has slowly grown into a full fledged addiction. In fact, my husband considers it to now be an obsession. Unfortunately, I'm afraid he may be right. I plan my weeks around Lost, Survivor, Desperate Housewives, and Grey's Anatomy. So is it any wonder that when I received TiVo yesterday as a birthday gift from my family, I experienced a feeling of overwhelming relief? No longer will I have to arrange the kid's evening activities around my shows. I won't have to rush home from John's football games praying that I make it in time for the opening credits. And when I travel, I won't have to sneak out of dinner meetings to call Alyssa from the ladies room to remind her to turn on the VCR so that I don't miss an episode of Survivor.

As I review the television habits I've acquired over the years, I notice that my TV addiction started out slowly - that's the part I want to blame on my upbringing. Maybe if we would have had a television on at all times when I was a child, I wouldn't have discovered a fascination with the boob tube as I got older. Because our big box was turned off most of the time, it was a novelty to me, and I was drawn to it like a bug is drawn to light once I had the freedom of choice. In fact, it would be easy for me to place blame anywhere but on myself. But the truth is, I love television and that is just part of who I am. It takes me away from my own reality and lets me enter a world of drama, comedy and mystery each night. And, as I ponder my unhealthy viewing habits, I realize that I could have worse addictions. I could have chosen so many other unhealthy lifestyles when I need to unwind and find escape. Instead, I turn to the television and invite my family to join me. Alyssa and I have standing dates each week. We enjoy our television time, and we look forward to those evenings with great anticipation. I think we might even be bonding when we watch TV together.

So, although I am admittedly addicted to television, I believe that with the TiVo I am going to be able to balance my life a whole lot better. I'm excited! I'm relieved. I'm downright thrilled! And, in my mind, I keep chanting TiVo Bay-Bee, because to me, that's entertainment.