I've had a twitch in my lower left eye lid for the past four days. It began shortly after I received a phone call from Alyssa last Thursday night. She was sobbing and inconsolable. No mother is happy when they hear their child cry, especially when said child is not living at home and is freaking out. I felt so helpless, because, really... what could I do? She is away at college. I am not there to offer a shoulder to cry on - instead, all I had were empty words of comfort. Come to find out, Alyssa was not handling her final exams well, which is completely understandable for a first year college student. Knowing that, however, does not make it easier on the mother.
So, my eye started to twitch. And it twitched all weekend long. I guess I'm not handling the situation with the nurse - and now the situation with a stressed out college student - very well. I thought that the bit with the nurse was fine since, after a million phone calls, we finally did get a nurse out to our house last week. Seemingly, that should have put that problem to rest. But what I didn't realize was that I have internalized a lot of anxiety about John's transition to sub-q infusions - and by internalizing, I mean I can't let John know that this is something that I'm really nervous about because the responsibility of his care now rests completely on my shoulders, whereas, always before I've had a nurse to depend on when it comes to needles and serums and all the other stuff that goes along with an infusion.
This is what I am now responsible for. John says that he will be in charge of his therapy from here on out, but when I look at these supplies, I am wondering how he really feels about this change we are about to make. For people not in the medical field, the sight of needles and a Sharps container can be quite intimidating... well... they intimidate me, that's for sure.
And then there's this:
That's my driveway and my yard. This is what I woke up to at 7:00 this morning. And the minute I looked out my dining room window, that darn twitch went into a full speed twitch mode. Twitch. Twitch. I'm finding it difficult to concentrate on much of anything with a twitch that is going a hundred miles an hour.
I've been told that the hole in my yard is due to Vios. What the heck is Vios? And why is everyone but me so happy about this? Seriously... it's hard to be excited about something that creates this kind of a mess with my yard - even if it is something really cool (which I wouldn't know, since I have no idea what Vios is in the first place).
Twitch.
And so here's how I'm coping:
Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter. This is my version of mindless escape. And I'm not kidding when I say that the only time my eye has not twitched since last Thursday night is when I'm reading these books. Yep... I've read 4 books since Thursday. That's how I cope - I bury my nose in a book and I completely shut out the rest of the world. Thankfully, my husband knows when to let me do this, and when my eye starts to twitch, he always steps back and allows me to escape my reality. AND HE COOKS! What more can I ask for? Well, I could ask that my eye stop twitching, but at this point, I don't think that is going to happen until Alyssa is home for the holidays, John's first sub-q therapy is successfully completed, and my yard is put back together. Geez, I hope my yard does not look like this all winter long - I seriously think I would go insane if my eye were to twitch for that many weeks and months.
Twitch.
Twitch.
Twitch.
Can you say "Halllle lujah!!" Hallelujah! Best news I had had today (well except that the band director noticed my kid in a good way and that's always good for a freshman LOL) So happy happy happy to hear this news Kelly. You are always a source of honesty, humor, reality, tenderhearted parental love and so many other wonderful things. Welcome back!
Posted by: Susan R | October 28, 2010 at 03:55 PM
My Kelli still calls and crys every time there are finals. She always thinks that she will fail. I tell her as long as she does her best that is all she can do. Hers turned out just fine 2 A's, 4 A-, and 2 B+. She will be staying in Yakima over the holidays. We won't see her again until Spring Break. She is applying for internship over here in Vancouver. So far she has two different vets that are interested in her. Keep your fingers crossed. Enjoy your holidays. Love Randi
Posted by: Randi | December 16, 2008 at 06:25 PM
sorry about alyssa but the twitch is so you my friend. i couldn't help but laugh a bit at your post. alyssa will do great at her exams, john and you will both survive his first sub-q infusion and your holidays will end peacefully with no twitching and a couple of happy kids heading back to school.
and i'm shocked that jeff cooks...and grateful. i know how much you LOOOVE to cook.
happy holidays love!
Posted by: wendy | December 15, 2008 at 08:43 PM
HUGS, Mommy! Alyssa will be fine. First semester of college is always the hardest. Fios? Never heard of it but I *AM* in the stix. LOL!
P&PT that all goes well for John.
Posted by: slammie | December 15, 2008 at 06:00 PM
Oh Kelly poor ALyssa I'm sure she will do better than she thinks. HUGS to you I wish I could be there to help with all that medical stuff.
Oh and the yard is Fios and it's suppose to be the best thing in Internet and Cable television. Our yard was only dug up for about a week.
Posted by: Becky | December 15, 2008 at 04:28 PM