Three weeks ago, I was in a really bad place. Emotionally, I was wiped out, and with no end in sight to all of John's medical problems, I was not coping well. I was mad at the world, I cried all the time, and I didn't like myself. The final straw came when I realized I was also angry at John for not being in school, and I was frustrated with my little dog because she now wears diapers. Okay... mad at a sick child? Frustrated with a crippled dog? What kind of person has those feelings? A not nice person, that's who.
Enough was enough, and so out of necessity, I knew I had to take matters into my own hands. And even though I still had to deal with medical appointments, nurse visits, tutoring red tape, an unhappy teenager and a handicapped dog, I realized that I had to find time to do something that made me happy - because the truth of the matter is that if I am not emotionally well, everything else is going to fall apart.
So what I did was get out the sewing machine. I took over the family room and the kitchen because in spite of the fact that my sewing room has now become the nurse station and the school room, that doesn't mean I have to give up sewing entirely. You see, I was mad about that too... I was angry that I'd lost my happy place, and I was taking it out on everyone, including the dog. Once I realized that I needed to be a tad bit more flexible with where and when I sew, I was able to begin letting go of the mad. And so I sewed. And I sewed, and I sewed, and I sewed. Morning, noon and night, I sewed. I sewed while the nurse was here and I sewed before and after medical appointments. I became obsessed with sewing. And the more I sewed, the happier I became.
Thankfully, Christmas is right around the corner and I was able to focus on making gifts. There is just something about making things for others that gives me a feeling of contentment... I think it is because when I am making something to give away, I don't feel as selfish about taking the time to do what I love.
Whatever the reason, whatever the cause, I am happy to say that I'm doing better, and the reason I've not taken the time to update the blog is because I've been too busy sewing!
Here are a couple things I've been working on - rag quilts for my niece and nephews. I've got one more to make and am hoping to get it done the first week in December. Mailing these is going to be a challenge. I'm guessing that I'll need to go to the UPS store and ask for assistance.
And did I mention that when I'm not sewing, I've been crocheting? I do that at night when it gets too dark to see the sewing machine stitches. Yarn is so much easier to work with in the dark :-)
I also made a holiday apron. It is designed like a painter's smock in a wrap-around style. The apron turned out cute, but it is too big to give to my mom - she would swim in it. So now I have an apron with no recipient. I've not yet decided what to do with it.
For those who are curious as to how John is doing, I can report that we finally have tutors. It took 48 days for the school district to process the request, but after waiting for over six weeks, we are off and running with John's home-bound schooling. The good news is that the English and History tutor is fantastic and she was well worth waiting for - she's a perfect fit! The math tutor teaches pre-calc at the neighboring high school, so he is well qualified for the job and John seemed comfortable with him. We are still waiting for a chemistry tutor, but I have high hopes that we will be seeing one soon. I feel like I am running a private school with all the comings and goings of these people. They carry around a lot of books and a ton of paperwork!
Last week John had a ten hour infusion from hell. The nurse was so upset that she had to call in her supervisor to come help with the procedure. John later told me that it was the worst experience of his life (no doubt - there was blood everywhere, and I had to bribe him with a new video game in order for him not to walk out of the house with tubes hanging from his arms - it was a complete nightmare). He then told me that he will now consider the doctor's suggestion that we switch the procedure to weekly subcutaneous infusions which would be self administered serum injections once a week, alleviating the need for a nurse. John said that he no longer trusts the nurses to do it right <--- I can't blame him, I don't trust them either.
After John's infusion from hell, he had oral surgery on Thursday. The intention was to remove two wisdom teeth that are putting pressure on his sinus cavities. When the surgeon got in John's mouth, it was discovered that John has cysts growing around the bone. No wonder he feels such pressure! The doctor removed two teeth and the cyst and John is now recovering. It has been a painful recovery because of all the digging that they had to do. Unfortunately, another surgery is required next month to remove two more teeth and another cyst.
I feel so badly for John. He has had a rough few months and he is now beyond stir crazy. I think he even misses Alyssa because even though they used to fight all the time, the fighting at least broke up the monotony of the day!
Speaking of Alyssa, she is beginning to feel the pressure of college. The newness is wearing off and the reality of the task is firmly taking hold. She's taken to calling me every day, and she begins and ends each phone call with, "I can't wait to come home." I think that after she is home for a few days, she's going to think that college is much more appealing - our house is boring when compared to a college campus!
Last night while John's math tutor was here, I ran to Michaels and purchased more yarn. And since JoAnn's is right next to Michaels, I also purchased more fabric. I am serious when I say that I cannot stop sewing. It's become an obsession. But in the grand scheme of things, I think that being obsessed with sewing is far better than being mad at a sick child or being frustrated with the dog. In fact, it's pretty safe to say that my obsession with sewing has alleviated my feelings of anger altogether, which was the intention all along. Sewing replaced my mad! Who knew it would work like that?
Hugs! Things will get better. Have faith. Lord knows you have so much support with friends near and far. We're always a phone call or email away!
Posted by: Wendy Jo | December 05, 2008 at 08:46 AM
I am sorry for all that you have going on with your son :( Been there done that bought the shirt and it just plain SUCKS.
Posted by: jade | November 30, 2008 at 06:41 PM
Big major hugs Kelly. We're here, and if you ever need ideas or suggestions on what to sew give me a shout. I've got a 3 year old with never-ending demands for doll beds, pillow cases, aprons for her art, and so much more. I'd gladly give you a job or two!!!
Posted by: May | November 27, 2008 at 12:54 AM
Aunt Kelly, you still there?
*giggle*
I love you, Girl! Keep on doing your best. That's all anyone should expect. And something I know you go above and beyond on. I also wanted to wish you and your family a very happy Thanksgiving. I'll probably blog about mine. In case you lost it, my blog addy is http://www.beckitasblog.blogspot.com/ If you need a laugh about stuff, come over there and take a peek. Usually someone has pissed me off and I've typed about it. Today, I was McPissed.
Sending you lots of love and hugs. I miss you.
<3, Becky
Posted by: Pinky Z | November 26, 2008 at 12:42 AM
I just found your blog from Stashbusters. Your post touched my heart. I am struggling with a Big Sad in my home and life right now, and like you, I have found that two things are necessary to keep me sane.... #1. Time on the dreadmill...er, I mean treadmill, each day, and #2. Time in my sewing room. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Keep on sewing! (and crocheting!!)
P.S. Your rag quilts and afghans are absolutely beautiful! I have a pattern for an apron like that, that I am hoping to complete before Turkey Day!
Posted by: Joy | November 23, 2008 at 03:39 PM
Wow your plate is full - good for you for taking care of your creative soul. Alyssa needs a "home" fix...that's good. Oh, and I have these weird veins that they can never stick - when I had my baby, my IV had to be held in place by the nurse for an hour and a half - and the last time I donated blood (blood everywhere...yuck!) they said it would "probably be good if I didn't come back". I'm sorry John is going through all of this. Just keep sewing, just keep sewing.... I love the shares - so inspiring!
Posted by: Kirsten | November 22, 2008 at 12:36 PM
kelly, you have found a great outlet for your energies. you absolutely must take care of yourself so you can take care of john and your poor puppy. as far as alyssa goes, thanksgiving break seems like it'll never come when you're a freshman. i hope you enjoy your time with her next week. count your blessings!!
Posted by: keely | November 21, 2008 at 10:03 PM
Thanks for the update, Kelly. You all are in my thoughts and prayers. Your projects are beautiful, I hope your sewing and crafting continues to bring you some peace during all that you are dealing with. My prayers will continue for John, you, and your whole family!
Posted by: Becky Mercer | November 21, 2008 at 09:32 PM
I'm glad you are doing something that makes you feel better. I always feel better when I'm working on a quilt :-) I love the two rag quilts you posted and I know someone will be very happy to have those.
Posted by: Marla | November 21, 2008 at 03:27 PM
Wow. I've been a little stressed, but NOTHING like what you have been dealing with. I'm glad you found a way to put yourself back in your happy place. I admire you for that.
Gentle hugs to you and yours!
Kelly in Ohio
p.s. Cute results in the fruits of your fabric and yarn laboring! :-D
Posted by: Kelly | November 21, 2008 at 12:34 AM
I miss you Kelly!!!!
I will be praying for all of you. I can't even begin to imagine dealing with all of this. You are a rock. I admire you.
Great therapy for you, too. You do BEAUTIFUL work. We had a wicked front blow through here today. Cold enough to actually wear a coat. And a scarf!!! (I love my scarf!!!) I shall wear it to my kids school tomorrow!! Yay!!!!!
Sending you a great big Texas hug!!!!
Posted by: Pinky Z | November 21, 2008 at 12:25 AM
I'm glad to hear you're in a little better place. One step at a time. You can do this! As to your apron, I LOVE IT! (and sadly, it would probably fit me) what pattern did you use and was it easy to make? I've wanted one for years that didn't choke me by going around my neck - I need one with shoulders!
Posted by: carol the dork :) | November 20, 2008 at 04:16 PM
Kelly, I've been thinking of you and missing you. Keeping everyone in my prayers. and, I have to say, I totally get your sewing thing. It is peaceful, and it is satisfying, and it is controllable---unlike the rest of your life! I love your rag quilts---they are gorgeous! Big hugs.
Posted by: Amy Sorensen | November 20, 2008 at 04:14 PM
Beautiful! I've been having fun crocheting too. :)
I was wincing through the dental descriptions. Ow!
Posted by: Helena | November 20, 2008 at 03:25 PM
I have been thinking about you everyday! I was hoping you had a project on-the-go to find "yourself" in. Glad to hear it helped you with the anger and frustration!
Sending ((HUGS)), (((HUGS))) and more ((((HUGS)))) your way!
Posted by: PhotohappyCdn - Kelly | November 20, 2008 at 12:42 PM
I'm so glad to hear you are working to handle your anger and frustration and that you've got a good handle on it. Maybe this tutoring thing with John will work out better than expected. He seemed to hate the regimentation in school and this might give him a more relaxed and creative way to learn that is better suited for him. Alyssa will be home next week and I agree, it will be nice for a day or two but by next Sunday she'll be glad to go back! Take care and keep sewing! Hugs and soothing thoughts to you.
Posted by: Donna | November 20, 2008 at 09:43 AM
I have been thinking of you so much and hoping things are going well. I'm glad you sew to keep your mind off of things. You are such a talented person and make the most beautiful things. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Posted by: Kim | November 19, 2008 at 09:59 PM
My heart goes out to you every day, my friend. I wish I was there to do something...even if it was just fabric shopping! Things will get better. Love ya!
Posted by: barb | November 19, 2008 at 06:09 PM
HUGE HUGS, sweetie! echoing Pam's sentiments about everything getting better ASAP! And I do have to say that I love all of your beautiful creations! I so was hoping that you were doing something for yourself in between everything you do for everyone else....
Posted by: slammie | November 19, 2008 at 03:41 PM
hugs, hugs and more hugs..... you really are doing the lemons/lemonade thing though aren't you? such beautiful end results to so much stress and trauma.... i hope it gets better soon - for you, john, alyssa...and the dog.
Posted by: pcsmart | November 19, 2008 at 02:45 PM