When she was born, I knew she would not be forever in my care. When she started kindergarten, I wanted time to stand still. When she graduated from high school, I began to panic because today was right around the corner and I have been dreading this day for what seems like forever. I've worried for a decade. I've cried for a year. And this summer, I've had a very difficult time accepting that Alyssa has grown up.
I always knew this day would come - and here it is. My long good-bye is over. I am now officially the parent of a college student. And surprisingly, after dropping Alyssa off at her dorm this morning, I am doing okay and I have not shed a single tear. Feeling the excitement as she loaded the car, watching her take charge as she checked into the university, and gazing at the smile on her face has filled my heart with joy. And, finally, I realize that she is going to be just fine. This is her time and she is going to have a blast living on campus as she participates in everything imaginable (she already has a to-do list, which includes joining clubs and campus volunteer work). In fact, I think she is going to excel as she makes this journey, because that's just the way she is - competent, driven and determined - a girl who accepts nothing less than reaching for the stars. Today Alyssa took one more step towards adulthood, and I was so proud of her.
I think this transition will be much more difficult for me than it is for her, and if I keep thinking about it, I will shed the tears that I've been holding back. So I'm not going to do that. Instead, I am going to share some pictures I took this morning because these pictures make me laugh. Photography-wise, these photos aren't worth a thing. Memory-wise, these pictures are priceless - they document the beginning of the rest of her life:
Alyssa took charge of loading the car. She didn't ask for help, and I didn't ask what she had packed (my way of letting go). I laughed out loud when she showed me what the car looked like. One side was loaded from top to bottom, and the other side was packed so tightly that she told me, "it's going to be a snug ride." She was thrilled when she realized that the trunk would not need to be tied down because it actually closed! The picture at the top of this entry shows Alyssa crammed into the mess. It was so crowded that she even had to take her shoes off and hold them in her lap along with the storage bin. But she was happy. And that was what mattered the most.
These are pictures of her dorm room. She will be living in a "quint" with four other girls. All that stuff! Where on earth are they going to put it? And the bed! I do NOT remember my dormitory mattress being so thin... and so plastic... and so close to the ceiling. Alyssa is going to have fun figuring this dorm living thing out. It will be interesting watching her learn to compromise and adjust.
Shortly after the last load was carried into the dorm, the girls decided that they wanted to move the furniture. My husband looked at me and we both burst out laughing. Where on earth were they going to move the furniture to? We couldn't even walk around the room - it was utter chaos and confusion with five girls trying to stake their claim. There was not a single square foot of free space on that floor... moving furniture was going to be a challenge. But the girls were determined - they had already began brainstorming. And that was when we said our good-byes. They didn't need parents watching them set up their first home. In fact, they seemed to have it well under control and they were absolutely giddy with excitement as they experienced the first moments of college life. What surprised me the most was that the girls seemed so comfortable that they were already asking neighbors and volunteers to help them rearrange their room. It was obvious that they were more than ready for us to be gone, and so we quickly and quietly made our exit.
It was a big day all the way around - one of those red letter days that a person never seems to forget. The pictures show the things I will remember when I look back on today. I will also remember the smile on Alyssa's face and the excitement in her eyes. But most of all, I will remember that when she hugged me good-bye, she thanked me for not crying.
No crying, good for you. I waited till we were out of sight before I bawled. That lasted about 5mins, and then I was O.K. The house was MUCH quieter. This year he did it all himself, the 3rd year you figure he knows the drill. Great pic`s, made me smile.
Posted by: Becky H | August 27, 2008 at 12:59 PM
No crying? Very impressive. I cannot imagine how hard it is to walk away, and let Alyssa start the next part of her life away from you.
Posted by: Kelly W. | August 27, 2008 at 09:58 AM
Good for you for not crying! I did when I dropped my son off in Montana last week (maybe it was the fatigue after driving 3 days/2400 miles from CT) but I didn't want him to see. My son had the same expression on his face as Alyssa - excitement and happiness. Means they are more than ready for what's ahead!
Posted by: Danielle | August 26, 2008 at 03:41 PM
Kelly,
Congrats on a great send-off and not crying. I cried for you reading that post. I can only imagine when it's my girl in 7 years. That is so funny about moving the furniture. Have to love the decorator in those girls in the middle of the mess!!
Posted by: Kasey | August 26, 2008 at 09:26 AM
HOLY COW! Look at all of that stuff! LOL! Reminds me that when I moved in I had about 2 suitcases worth but when I moved out....(shaking head). Oh, they'll get the hang of being so close to the ceiling after they get a late nite phone call when they're sleeping and sit up to get the phone. I saw stars for over 15 minutes! HUGS to Mommy for being a trooper!
Posted by: slammie | August 25, 2008 at 02:20 PM
Kelly,
What a fabulous post. While I am struggling with sending my babies to Kindergarten in a short week one of my closest friends is sending her last baby to college - but it is a change of life no matter the grade or age.
Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: angie | August 25, 2008 at 02:11 PM
i am hoping that i will be as "stoic" as you when the time comes for maria to leave... maybe all the tension you have felt between you eased you both into this separation?
Posted by: pc smart | August 25, 2008 at 09:29 AM
I'm happy for you! You did a great job, and yep, she's on her way - love the no room to wear shoes in the backseat shot - that is so cute. And...I'm one year behind you...it's a funny mix of pure dread and happy anticiaption. Then, luckily, I have a 9 year cushion before the next one leaves my nest.
Posted by: Kirsten | August 24, 2008 at 11:45 AM
Okay, I cried reading YOUR blog! What am I going to do when I have to send one of mine off? I did have to laugh at the thought of moving furniture . . . how many rooms are in a quint? The 2 years I was in a dorm, we had 1 room, 2 girls -- first year was with communal bathrooms (which I lived right across from -- both a blessing and a curse!).
Posted by: heather | August 23, 2008 at 09:25 PM
Kelly, I am doing this a week from Tuesday. I am not sure I will be able to do this without shedding tears as I shed some just reading your blog. This is my daughters 2nd year of college but her first at living in the dorms. I so want her to experience college life and all it has to offer her.
Posted by: Pam Davis | August 23, 2008 at 06:47 PM
Glad that the send off worked out so well. I'm proud of you for not crying.
Posted by: becky | August 23, 2008 at 02:33 PM
Glad the send off was a success. so happy that she gave you a hug and realized how hard this is for you. {{{HUGS}}}}}
Posted by: Chiara | August 22, 2008 at 09:21 PM
I was surprised that I didn't shed a tear either last weekend. I think what is helping me get by is knowing that she is only 1.5 hours away. WOuld you believe that the campus was already closed today because of Tropical Storm Fay? So, she got to sleep until 11 and when she called at two her and her roomie were still in their jammies watching TV. Classes officially start on Monday so I told her to enjoy the down time. I'm glad all went well.
Posted by: Kim | August 22, 2008 at 06:08 PM