I'd like to say that I took the week long nap I had planned after Alyssa's graduation events. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. I did, however, manage to eek out two days to regroup and read a book once everyone hopped on their jet planes after the big event. But since then, it's been full speed ahead... non-stop... running as fast as I can just to keep up. Getting a child ready for college is a lot of work!
And so because I have not had time to stop and catch my breath, I've also not had time to process the 500+ photos I took when everyone was here. Additionally, I have a self-imposed rule that blog posts require photos, and so I've used that as an excuse to hide from the whole wide world, including my family. However, if I am to be completely honest, the one single reason I have not made time to process the pictures is because I knew that when I took my first walk down the memory lane of Alyssa's graduation week, I would fall to pieces. As it is, I'm barely holding it together. I started crying before she even began her senior year. I cried like a fool the entire week of her graduation. And I bawled like a baby when my mom left after it was over. To make matters worse, last week I actually cried in the bedding aisle of Target when Alyssa purchased a comforter and sheets for her college dorm room. And I cried again on Thursday and Friday when we went to her university campus for two busy days of orientation and registration (an experience that deserves a post of its own). Alyssa is sick to death of seeing me cry. She just doesn't get it - she doesn't understand that I am HAPPY for her. I am EXCITED for her - she is capable, she is competent, and she is ready for college. I know this. But that doesn't mean *I* am ready to send her on the journey. And so in spite of the fact that I am thrilled for her, selfishly, I am scared of my own future. Thus, my lack of desire to take a look back at the pictures celebrating her achievements, because those pictures signify the end of her childhood journey - and although it is time for a new journey to begin, I'm still not ready. She is. I'm not. And that's just the way it goes.
So... now that I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve, admitting that I'm holding on by my fingernails, I will also admit that I'm thinking it might be a good thing that I am so busy this summer, because busy means no time to fall apart. Not that John breaking his nose is a good thing (yeah, he broke it when everyone was here, which means appointments with the surgeon), and not that Alyssa needing new eyeglasses is a good thing (she needs to see, after all), and not that both kids needing updated immunizations this summer is a good thing (toss in a few more medical appointments), and Alyssa has a toothache, which is definitely not a good thing (might as well head to the dentist office while we are at it)... these not so good things are keeping me too busy to process what is right around the corner - Alyssa leaving my nest. It's going to happen. And there is nothing I can do about it, so I may as well spend these final days and weeks throwing myself into mother-mode, which exactly what I've done.
All that said, being busy is still not an excuse for neglecting everything else. Therefore, after receiving numerous emails from family and friends wondering if I was falling apart (these people know me too, too well), and because I am the Unofficial Family Photographer for all things great and small, last night I forced myself to sit down and play with some of my favorite pictures taken in June. And as I did, I cried. However, I also smiled. And in my mind, smiling is the first step in accepting the changes that are to come.
And so with a smile on my face, and a heart filled with love, I share with you some of my favorite moments from June 2008. Last night as I looked at these pictures I finally realized that although some things might change, everything starts and ends with family:
"Family is not an important thing, it is everything." -Michael J. Fox
The following is a little slide show I put together. These are just a few of my favorite moments with my family. If the album is not scrolling, click on the little x in the upper right corner and it will start all over again. Speed it up, or slow it down... either way, I think you will smile with me:
Kelly, Our lives sound identical at the moment. This is the very first summer EVER that I haven't said "I can't wait for school to start". That means ELizabeth will be leaving me. :*( All her dorm stuff is piling up in my dining room (no where else to put it) so I see it every day.
Posted by: Kim B. | July 15, 2008 at 04:25 PM
So nice to see photos of the family. Hopefully your time with them was rejuvenating to the soul. Your mom looks fabulous and everyone else looks great too! I just received Alyssa's thank you card yesterday and it was very well written and thoughtful, obviously her mother's daughter.
I still have two years to go and I vacillate daily between being terrified and being thrilled! Probably will just end up being an emotional wreck.
My summer has been crazy as well, seems most days I have a houseful of boys who seems to think I am the local food bank. I usually have to call Nick on my way home from work to find out how many are staying for dinner. On the average I have three extra kids to feed on any given day. I have to admit, I actually love it and enjoy having them around.
I will try and send you a personal email later today and bring you up to date on the rest of life.
Posted by: Nancy G. | July 15, 2008 at 10:45 AM
Lookin good Mom...you sure don't look like a mother of a college girl!
Posted by: lucinda | July 15, 2008 at 09:07 AM
Great pictures. Just got Alyssas' thank you card today. It seems that when you send things to girls (no matter what age) they send out thank-you card, while boys don't seem to know how. As Kelli says it in the "Jeans". Kelli is home for the summer. She is making a quilt. Her second one. After she is done I will send you a picture. Not as nice/straight as yours but for her it is great. She is talking about making another one for her cousin Staci for Christmas. Randi
Posted by: Randi | July 14, 2008 at 06:55 PM
looks like you guys had a great time! Thanks for sharing the photos with us. Mine are still young enough that I can ignore the fact they'll one day leave. . . .but just spent a couple hours with another friend who's oldest just graduated and oh my, I can see where you're at!
Posted by: Heather | July 14, 2008 at 02:21 PM
Oh my gosh! I could have wrote this same thing about my daughter graduating this year too. I was crying at the drop of the hat. Ordering announcements, ironing the gown, driving to the graduation, taking photos, watching my husband hug our daughter afterwards, talking with my neighbors about future plans....I've been an emotional wreck. Just so you know...you're not alone. It's so hard but so worth it when these beautiful intelligent young ladies have the drive to succeed :) They're ready but we're not. Hugs!!
Posted by: Teresa | July 14, 2008 at 12:56 PM
GIANT HUGS, Mommy! beautiful pictures!
Posted by: slammie | July 14, 2008 at 10:40 AM
Kelly, welcome back to the blog. I kept checking to see when an update would show up. The pictures are great. Love the slideshow. I know I will be just like you when K reaches high school graduation. Can't wait to read more updates
Posted by: becky | July 13, 2008 at 01:11 PM
Love the photos!! I've put 2 through college, so I know EXACTLY what you're going through! My youngest will be a senior this year, and it's already giving me anxiety! One of my sisters is sending her 2 oldest twins out of state to college this fall, and she's really starting to fall apart. This parenting thing never seems to get any easier!!
P.S. Your family is beautiful! TFS!
Posted by: Janell | July 12, 2008 at 10:13 PM
Wonderful photos, Kelly! Is that your brother on the top right hand photo, because I think you look just like him and so does Alyssa!
Glad to hear you're doing okay, I've been worried about you.....as always. I check in on you multiple times/day you know.....
Posted by: Barb | July 12, 2008 at 05:13 PM