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« Summertime, and the living is... CRAZY | Main | The Summer of My Discontent »

Comments

slammie

just checking in to see if you're surviving and how the kiddos are.....HUGS!

Marla

Hi Kelly, just checking in to see how things are going.

Kelly S.

Kelly,

Hope all is well with you. I've been thinking of you a lot since your last post... especially since I acted like my parents were the reason I was miserable the summer before my freshman year in college. I still remember the fight my mom and I had in my dorm room when they moved me in there... not pretty. Nineteen years laster and I still can replay it in my mind.

On the up side, I finally figured out my parents weren't the enemy. Took me long enough though. :-(

Kelly in Ohio

becky

Just checking in to see how things are going. Hope things have improved. I know it must be difficult now because your daughter is getting ready to leave for college. Sending big HUGS

Donna

I just wanted to check in with you and see if the uproar has died down any. No consolation but I think the sensible Alyssa will return. It's that wild oats thing going on along with the thrill of what she perceives as FREEDOM!! Anyway, hope all is going better than before and looking for a new post from you soon.

pc smart

i feel for you....just now heading into the teen world with 12 and 15 but i know what you mean. you cannot protect them and all you can hope is that they take your teachings to heart when temptation comes along...

Linda Hofacker

I hate it - that point in our children's life when we have to let go - remind them of the safety points - but let them live and learn! You bet she will remember what she did wrong - and hopefully not how to do it differently next time - but to just be honest and forthright! College changes them so much - just be ready and keep the lines of communication open!

Hugs!

Coreen

Wow! That's the all encompassing reply to 'holy crap' moments in life ... wow! I can feel your heartbreak. Sometimes the natural consequences (like fear and humiliation) are the best teachers. I'm also a fan of rubbing it in (embarassing but true), so perhaps a couple days volunteering together at an AA establishment or youth jail would illustrate the dangerous game she's decided to play? Good luck and remember ... prayer works!

Kelly

No words of wisdom here to help. I can only envision how mine will be when they reach that age.... yikes is right! I think giving your kids a soft place to land at times is a good thing. I don't think I will be very good at that; you seem to be doing it just fine.

Christine Campbell

Aww Kell, ((HUGS)) I'm not a mom (yet) but when my baby sister went off to college last year, I bawled almost daily before her graduation, all year really. Couldn't look at my sb pages of her (and there are alot) and she wasn't bothered (it seemed) until the day before she left. Then it hit her like a ton of bricks. Fortunately, I had cried my tears beforehand and saved the last few for after she left so I could just listen and hug her and tell her it was going to be fine. I still miss her everyday and can't wait for her 5 week break - she's coming home tomorrow. But strangely, it does get easier. I was worried, as I'm sure her mother and our dad were because this is the girl who didn't know how to load the dishwasher by herself or do laundry until she was 16. And they were letting her go to Toronto all by herself. And I worried more when she was moving out of residence to get an apartment with friends from school but she's doing it, with some drama still but they are teenage girls after all. But she's surprised me, she's impressed me even. I noticed a significant difference in her by something simple she said last time she was home in June. Like it or not, they do learn and grow up, even if we don't want them to.
Alyssa has been given the tools to do this on her own and learned the lessons she needs to know to be self sufficient when she does leave - all from you. You've done your job Kelly, the best you knew how, and quite frankly, pretty darn good I think. She'll be fine and so will you. John will get there too, I'm quite certain of that but sometimes it just takes a little more time. Have faith Kelly, in yourself and your kids. You done good, girl!! :)

Darleen

Wow, you mentioned on the BB thread that you had teenage troubles, but i had no idea. I have a daughter getting ready to turn 16 and she is already starting to "test the waters". It is very hard to keep them grounded when they are trying so hard to fly. I wish you the best of luck & for the record it sounds like your daughter's experience was a lot of the lesson in itself. I'm glad that she's home safe and as far as your son goes, just do the best that you can, that's all we can do as Mom's.

tracy whitney

Kelly, Kelly, if you lived near me I would whisk you away for dinner and drinks where we could comisserate about our teens.
My Amberly, now 18 and freshly graduated has put us through the wringer. I was really upset with her yesterday (for countless reasons) and she said to me in a snotty tone, What are you gonna do, GROUND me?" and off she went. Here we are more than 24 hrs later, haven't seen her, I don't know where she is or who she is with - no way to contact her.
There are no words to decribe...

Sharon Lovoy

Dearest Kelly, she may be past the traditional punishment stage, I am wondering whether she is past the: "I'm disappointed in you for the choices you have made and the disrespect you showed to me by bringing on horrible worry. But don't forget disrespect you showed to yourself and your character. You are so much better than this. You have always shown your ability to act responsibly no matter what others were doing. You also let down the people around you by failing to show up as the model of great behavior. I never pictured you as someone who would be a go with the flow. You let your standards down."

I sense that you already are aware that Emotional Maturity is understanding how things we say and do impact others. I have a feeling that because she is inherently a wonderful girl/child, this may be the way to reach her. Hang in there, mom! :)

Kirsten

I don't have an answer, but was hoping to find one, myself! My own son is golden (knock on wood...), but my 17 yo goddaughter just rolled her car last week, out at 2 a.m., drinking and driving. My girlfriend is at her wits end...here is a girl with weathy grandparents, had a 3.8 gpa a year ago, and was looking at universities in England. Last quarter she failed 3 classes, doesn't care about next year, let alone college, and what do you do? I have no advice for my friend, and she says I can't understand, anyway, since I have a good kid. Hope you laid a solid foundation, that's about all you can do!

Becky H

its funny, when talking with friends about what our teenagers are doing, its not any different than what we were doing. not that thats any help. we live in a much more scary place than when and where I grew up. my soon to be 21 yr old is home for summer and I still find myself waking up and looking to see if he is home. does it ever stop? a teenager will teach us, never say never.

lynne

Oh Kelly, I wish I had great words of wisdom for you. I am a parent of 21 & 18 year old sons. From what I know about kids & college, you may be glad her oats are being sowed while under your roof and not when she goes away. It is scary for me too as my youngest is going to school in the fall. In fact, he has been away all summer at a camp job. I saw him this weekend for the first time since 6/1 and he had some pretty scary alcohol stories. You can only hope that she has learned to try to keep herself from harms way. What scares me is that so many parents support this activity. During Parent's Weekend during both his freshman and sophmore year, parents bought hard booze for the suite!!!
Best of luck, Lynne/Alpharetta GA

Betsy

Bless your heart. It is so rough being a parent of teenagers. Believe me...I'm totally with you!! Summer is not my favorite time of the year either! Too many long days and nights with nothing to do. And you are a wonderful mom...doing the best you can!! I don't really have any advice except to say that grounding them is almost more like punishment for YOU! Then they're just hanging around the house pouting and slamming doors and you have to put up with all that attitude. :( It will get better. And Alyssa is a sweet girl. I can tell from everything you've told us about her. She will be fine in college. All teenagers do a few dumb things before it's all over. I always just hope that the dumb things they do don't have severe consequences (pregancy, addiction, death...you get the picture!) Good luck and lots of hugs!!

jenidallas

I wish I had sage advice but I was much like Alyssa my post-high school summer (rebelling from being the "good girl" and trying to reinvent myself before college) so maybe Robbie has better advice than me. All I can say is that this too shall pass... and hopefully she'll learn from the experience and be able to gauge how one decision can have many consequences in a chain reaction.

Miss you!

Angie

Oh Kelly,
What a terrible week. But I appreciate you sharing the "real story" even when your good kids make bad choices. And this is the part of being a parent that keeps me up at night - knowing that some days there will be bad choices and all I can do is be there when they are broken. SIGH. I wish someone had told me this parenting stuff would be so hard...

Marla

Oh Kelly....I have no advice because if I did, I would certainly heed it myself. I knew that my kids would make bad choices because that is part of growing up but I was not prepared for how hurt I would be by it. You try so hard to be the best parent you can be and then when there are bumps in the road you wonder what in the world you did wrong. I know I am preaching to the choir right now but I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone in how you are feeling. I think the secret is to try and not feel like they are doing these things to hurt us, they are just doing them. Hang in there Mama because this too shall pass :-)

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