The Edge of Reason: Want vs. Need

This desire I have to work with color and prints is a need, not a want. I equate the feeling to that of a runner who has the desire to run every single day. The theory is that running (or other forms of exercise) releases endorphins that then give bursts of energy to the mind and body. I get that, because I believe that endorphins do effect a person's level of energy and alertness.

But I'm not a runner. Never have been, never will be. For one thing, I don't like getting sweaty. I also don't like the feeling of jarring and jilting my innards as I pound the pavement and pump my arms. There is something about the thought of my insides jiggling up and down that bugs me and makes me feel awkward and gross. Clearly, running is something I'm not cut out to do. And so although I believe that running releases endorphins, I also believe that there are other ways to do so. Thankfully, years ago I discovered that playing with fabric and colors has the same effect on my body and soul. Maybe actual endorphins aren't released from my brain, but I know for a fact that adrenaline is released, because every single time I step foot in a fabric store, my hearts starts racing and I have to stop and catch my breath. That's how excited and invigorated color makes me feel. Therefore, I've come to conclude that I need to be surrounded by color every single day of my life. And when I think about it, that's not such a bad thing to need.

Last week I was feeling very out of sorts and antsy. I was distracted and unable to concentrate on any one thing and I was making myself crazy with my own lack of focus. It was then that I realized I had not picked up a pair of scissors in over a month. This may not be significant to other people, but for me, it is huge. Scissors are a means to an end for me because it is with scissors that I cut fabric and paper and create all sorts of colorful things. Lack of scissor usage is a sign that I have neglected to fuel my soul with excitement. And yes, I realize that sounds weird... but it is what it is, and for me, that's just the way it goes. I NEED scissors in my life, because scissors open a whole new world.

Thus, the sewing projects. And I have to admit - the endorphins, or adrenaline, or whatever began to flow freely. I was energized like I've not been in weeks. And happy... oh my gosh! I was happy as a little clam sitting in front of the sewing machine piecing together simple blocks of colorful fabric. Happy, happy, joy, joy - those are the only words I have to describe how I feel when I am playing with color. Sewing was just what I needed to pull myself out of the rut I'd fallen into. Even my kids noticed a difference in my attitude. And although they despise how distracted I become when I'm working on a project, Alyssa was very accommodating this time around because one of these quilts was made upon her request.

Two months ago Alyssa fell in love with the quilt I made for my mom's birthday. She begged me to make her one "just like Grammy's". I told her she was lucky because I'd messed up my counting of the 4-square blocks when I made my mom's quilt and I just happened to have enough left over to make a second quilt. When we got the spare blocks out, Alyssa decided to revamp the design and go with a similar daisy print, but not exactly the same. She also decided that pink is *my* color, not *her* color, so she chose to focus on yellow in place of the pink. All this was fine with me, because at this point, I didn't really care what I made, as long as I was making something.

When all was said and done, I'd made two quilts in five days! One for Alyssa to take to college, and one to give as a belated birthday gift to my wonderful sister-in-law, Debbie.

After all that sewing, I now have the need... the desire... the energy to begin preparing my home for the very special visit from my family in June. To say I'm excited doesn't begin to express how I feel about seeing them again. It's been two and a half years since I last saw my mom and sister. And it's been well over five years since the last time Debbie and I were together. That is such a long time to go without spending time with family. Knowing they are coming to visit fills me with the need to "get ready". So let the endorphins and the adrenaline and whatever fill my soul because I've got company coming. YAHOO! I can barely contain myself knowing I will soon be reunited with those I love the most on this earth.

Knowing they will soon be here makes it almost bearable to put away the sewing machine for a while. And cleaning my closets and drawers - heck, I'm actually looking forward to those projects because, just like picking up a pair of scissor, getting ready for company is a means to and end! And just in case my need for color requires fulfillment, I've decided to do some painting. It doesn't involve scissors, but it certainly fits in with the desire to surround myself with color.

Comments

I'm so happy for you! So glad your mom is coming for a visit. Have a wonderful, wonderful time!

Posted by: Donna | April 12, 2008 at 03:02 PM

I was LMAO at your description of jogging/running - you and I must be kindred spirits. hee hee hee Gorgeous quilts! Have fun cleaning for your family's visit (you DO know that it's about 2 months away, right? LOL)

Posted by: slammie | April 10, 2008 at 12:38 PM