The first time I met the man who would become my step-dad, I was in the middle of a raging war with my brother. We were teenagers, and we were fighting over music - whose music could be played the loudest, to be exact. My brother was blasting his music from a clock-radio hooked up to giant stereo speakers. I was trying to blast my music from a little tiny stereo. Our bedrooms were side-by-side and neither one of us could outplay the other without blowing out our speakers and so we turned our tunes up as loud as we dared and then pounded on the walls yelling at each other to "turn down the music." This was the never-ending battle of the bands as we knew it in my home. It was not a new battle, nor was it a battle that could be won. In fact, it was a battle that had become so much a part of our daily lives that we didn't stop to consider what those who were not participating in the war must have thought. And so when the man who would become my step-dad entered the war zone, I'm sure he must have wondered what kind of world he had walked into... because as he entered the neutral zone of our battlefield, I stormed out of my brother's bedroom and slammed the clock-radio onto the floor, where I then proceeded to stomp it to smithereens. And there stood the man who would become my step-dad with a look of utter disbelief on his face. This is how I met Norm. He became my step-dad the following year.
The battle of the bands is long over, and many years have passed since I threw the mother of all fits (something my family still talks about every time we get together), and what we all find hard to believe is that in spite of seeing me and my brother in all our [ugly] glory, Norm still chose to marry our mom. Wow! What a guy. He actually knew what he was getting into, and still he chose to become a part of our lives. And because Norm has loved us unconditionally from the very beginning, we have loved him the same. In fact, we love him as our father, and we would have it no other way. He is the man we look up to and he is the one we turn to in times of trouble. For all these years, he has been there for us, through the good and the bad - he's there.
This week, Norm was diagnosed with prostate cancer. We are devastated. It is shocking for me and my siblings to consider a day in our lives without our Poppy. He has become our father. He is our constant. He takes care of our mom. And now he has cancer. I hate cancer. I hate what it does to families. I hate what it does to lives. I hate it with every fiber of my being. Because, as I've said before, cancer is a monster. It is a silent beast that quietly devastates a body and robs people of everything simple and mundane.
I don't even know what to say to my mom to offer comfort. Her world has been rocked to the core, and I don't know what to say. And that makes me sad. I want to take away her fear. I want to ease her pain. I want to tell her that it will be all right. But I can't do that, because those words would be filled with empty promises. What I really want to do is get on an airplane and fly home. I want to be there with her sitting in waiting rooms hoping for good news. I want to hug her. I want to let her cry. And I want to hold her hand as she does. And I want to see Norm. I want to talk with him about sports and books and all the other things he and I like to debate. I want to watch him feed the birds and scare away the raccoons. I want to watch television with him and hear him cuss about the stupidity of the government. What I really want is for things to go back to how they were last week. Last week we felt safe and secure. Last week, all was right in our world. Not this week. Not anymore. And that sucks. It just sucks.
And so now we wait. We wait for more tests. We wait for more opinions. We wait for more news. We wait and we wait and we wait.
I hate cancer.
Oh Kel...huge hugs. I'm so sorry Norm and your family is having to fight this ugly disease.
A good family friend lost his fight with Cancer this weekend and his 13 yo daughter said too "Cancer sucks." There's really no other way to put it, is there? I'll be praying for your family....
Posted by: Kelly Goree | April 11, 2007 at 11:12 PM
So sorry to hear about your step-dad - - but I have some encouragement and hope for you. My Dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer in November 2005 - he had surgery and has been completely cancer free ever since. No chemo, no radiation, just a surgical decision that saved his life. We celebrated in November 2006 by bringing him and my Mom along with us on our Disney vacation - it truly was the trip of a lifetime! Hoping that the tests and recommendations turn out well for Norm, and that he is able to be treated and cured of his cancer.
Posted by: Linda A. (elendae) | April 10, 2007 at 10:24 PM
{{{{{{{{Kelly}}}}}}}}} I hate cancer too, my friend. :( Prayers that he will be ok and the doctors can treat him!
Love you,
Jennifer
Posted by: Jennifer S. | April 03, 2007 at 09:59 PM
You know what I think about Cancer. I hope things go well for your Poppy! I wish I could take away the fear, the uncertainty, the whole damn journey for that matter. What more can I say? Nothing. I am here for you.
Posted by: Karyn Terlecky | March 28, 2007 at 10:08 PM
Kelly, So sorry to hear about Norm. Keep up your faith and we'll be thinking about you and yours. Randi
Posted by: Randi | March 28, 2007 at 07:10 PM
Oh no! Keeping you and your family in my prayers....did you get my email?
Posted by: Adrienne | March 28, 2007 at 04:02 PM
Thanks Kelly, I couldn't explain "Our Indestructible Poppy" any better. Who would have thought this could happen to the man who became our step-dad and turned into our dad. love you, Jen
Posted by: jenny | March 28, 2007 at 03:49 PM
I'm so sorry Kelly. Ironically, my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer AND diabetes this week. That sucks times two. Hugs and prayers to you and your family. Norm WILL beat this, I have no doubt, as will my dad. Love ya!
Posted by: Barb | March 28, 2007 at 02:28 PM
Kelly...HUGS. The good thing is that this type of cancer is one of the most treatable out there...he will be OK, I know it!
Posted by: janet o | March 28, 2007 at 02:12 PM
I have two family members that were diagnosed with prostrate cancer in the last few years. They are now doing wonderful. If they caught it early enough his chances are really good of beating it! My thoughts will be with your family!
Posted by: Missy_G | March 28, 2007 at 11:51 AM
Cancer sucks! I am a lurker here and you don't know me at all...but your post this morning hit me square in the gut...Just wanted to send you a big cyber-hug to tell you that you are not alone in your fear and devastation. I too learned 7 months ago that my very own mother, the same mother that gave me life and raised me to be a compassionate and strong woman, taught me to be a mother, and grandparented my daughter, had lung cancer. She lost her battle just 3 weeks ago, and the devastation is complete. The devastation is total. The devastation is everything. That being said, it took some time to realize something good came out of all that chaos, and that was an even stronger family bond. If it weren't for the love and support of my family, I don't know how I would have survived it all. I guess my point is this: if you can go spend some time with your mother and poppy...do it. No matter what happens you will be glad you did. And I agree with the comments before me, it doesn't have to mean the worst. Pray and hope and fight and take each day as it comes. You will be in my thoughts...<3
Posted by: Nicole | March 28, 2007 at 10:57 AM
Oh Kelly, I'm so sorry. I know you will be a great strength to your mom. Even if you cannot be there, your prayers and your voice I know will give her courage.
I wish you were flying home - I'll be in Astoria next week for Spring Break...
Hugs, friend. Let me know if you need anything.
Posted by: Cathy | March 28, 2007 at 10:56 AM
I'm sorry to hear your troubling news. I hope it helps to know that my uncle got through prostrate cancer years ago very well. Best wishes for the same your step dad and family.
Posted by: Tracy | March 28, 2007 at 10:19 AM
You know I'm with you on the cancer thing . . . and living though that. {sigh} I'm sorry to hear about Norm. Sending hugs . . . .
Posted by: heather | March 28, 2007 at 09:16 AM
Oh I know how that feeling of hating Cancer is. My father in law had Lung Cancer that took him away from us quickly and two getaways ago(1 year ago) we found out that the man that has been my grandmother's companion for 40 years had prostate cancer. But as someone said above, technology is amazing and Johnny did some really radical treatment where they did some implants under the skin in his arm and after 6 months the cancer had shrunk and then they went in and froze it and his numbers went from 15.2 to 1.1 and now he is cancer free. I will be praying for your family and for Norm. Big Hugs and much love.
Posted by: Pat | March 28, 2007 at 08:57 AM
Ohhhh, sweetie, GIANT HUGS! P&PT heading to your family....
Posted by: slammie | March 28, 2007 at 08:40 AM
I hate it too. I lost both my parents to it in 2000 and 2001. Nowadays though, they have all kinds of new meds and maybe Norm will be one of the lucky ones. I hope so!
Posted by: Kip | March 28, 2007 at 06:27 AM
It doesn't have to mean the worst. Keep the faith and take it one day at a time. All my thoughts and prayers to you and your family. Keep in touch.
Posted by: Donna | March 27, 2007 at 11:46 PM