Unbelievable Observations

What an enlightening day! I made some unbelievable observations as I caught up on my emails. These were the sort of things that make me do the head slap and go, "Hunh?."

First of all, there is not much to watch on television on Sunday afternoons, so I was doing more listening than watching.

Secondly, as I listened to the television, I "heard" something that stopped me in my tracks. It was a commercial for feminine protection. Those commercials always make me cringe. This one took the proverbial cake. It was for Always pads and the tag line was "have a happy period."  WHAT! They are now telling me to have a happy period. Give me a break! I'm in the middle of peri-menopause and there are months when I have nothing but a period... believe me, I don't want that period to be happy. I turn into a raving lunatic when I'm on the never-ending menstrual roller coaster. I am NOT happy, nor is my uterus, nor is my husband, nor are my kids. It is not a pretty sight, and being happy is the last thing on my mind. I cannot believe they used the word happy and period in the same sentence. Unreal.

After I heard this commercial, I knew that I had to share this with someone. Honestly, this is too unbelievable to keep to myself. Women everywhere need to be prepared for this tag line. My personal mission is to educate women before they are so rudely insulted. So I decided to do a little Google search. I was on a hunt for a picture to use with this diatribe I am on. Okay, right there... this tells me that I am truly going bonkers with this whole peri-menopause thing. I am obsessed with the subject of periods and hot flashes. I'm officially losing it. 

So... I do the Google thing and what I come across is out of this world amazing. First of all I discover that there is a freaking Museum of Menstruation! I'm not kidding! A museum dedicated to this stuff. Like this is something noteworthy. Am I wrong, have women not been menstruating since the days of Adam and Eve? What is so museum worthy about this? I don't get it. And I honestly don't want to think about the sort of things that are in this museum. The mind visual alone disturbs me.

As I continued my search, I discover that there is something out there called The Kotex Connection. Curiosity got me on that one, so I went to the site (yes, there is a whole site for those "connected", whatever the heck that may be). This site looks like an on-line playground for women - all flowery and pretty and inviting. There are contests and games and prizes. PRIZES! for pete's sake - what are they giving away? Pads and tampons? I cannot believe this. They are trying to make having a period fun. Believe me, it's not going to happen so I don't know why they even try. It's a waste of good internet space if you ask me.

And it gets even worse. There are message boards to talk about periods and feminine hygiene. If I ever meet someone who spends time on that sort of message board, please shoot me. I don't even want to know what those conversations are like. GirlsSpace.com if you don't believe me.

Taking it even further, Kotex has dedicated a whole portion of their site to a place titled The Fun Spot and another place titled Period Central. I'm not kidding - that's what these places are called. I find it a little bit ironic and a lot of bit gross. But then, maybe I'm not quite getting into the spirit of this on-line menstruation playground. Color me out of it.

I move on to the Always website. (I'd mistakenly gone to the Kotex site first, which was educational, but not in line with the "happy period" tag that set me off in the first place).  The Always site is interesting. Not nearly as fun and inviting as the Kotex site, but they did have some oddities that made me stop and ask myself, "why? why do they do this to women?" One of the places a person can visit on this site is called Mothers and Daughters. I'm sorry, but if I invited my daughter to sit with me and look at a site for tampons, I think the child would run away from home. She is NOT going to get excited about discussing our periods. She doesn't even like to ask me to buy tampons. There is NO WAY she is going to look at a website about this stuff. It's just not going to happen.

As I wrapped up my search, I noticed that there was a cute little icon at the bottom of each page. Upon closer inspection, I see that the icon is there so that you can send this stuff to a friend. If anyone ever sends me tampon or maxi pad information via the internet, I don't want to know that person in the first place.

So my request to the powers that be at Kimberly Clark and Procter and Gamble is this:

Let it rest. It happens. We don't need to be sharing and chatting and playing and singing and dancing and everything else you think makes having a period look cool. It's not cool. It will never be cool. So give it up. You've got our business. We aren't going anywhere. We are dependent upon your products. You have us by the balls to put it in simple terms.

Don't continue to insult us. Please just let it go. Show us some respect. Don't continue to cram this fact of life down our throats with your cute commercials and your fancy websites. We know we bleed. We know we have cramps. We know that it makes us cranky. By making a huge deal out of it, you are only making matters worse. And most of all, my request is that YOU NEVER use the words "happy" and "period" in the same sentence. That is just wrong.

Comments

[Gwyn]

Further proof, I say, that God is NOT a woman! A woman would never allow this kind of thing to happen to other women.

But darn, you made me LOL with this post! Said she who had a period after THIRTEEN freakin' months without! Talk about a NOT happy period!
Grrrr!

[Renee]

Okay, right now I am cracking up! You are so right. Though the one thing I wish is that they would not change the packaging every single month. I get so tired of having to find the ones I like because they have once again changed what the outside looks like. I don't understand this whole competitive thing anyway...I mean how many women are there in the US and we all use one of the Five major brands...I think there is enough to go around. Just let it be people!!!!

LOL!!! (EliNoah)

[May]

Oh Kelly! This is too much. I never knew that there was a whole "community" out there ready to celebrate my happy time... You are so right on with this. So funny, and sick all at the same time. I hate those commercials!

[Nancy Nally (ScrapNancy)]

ROFL!! You are so right-on!! Obviously those ads were designed and approved by men...probably single, virgin men.

[Helena]

Have you seen the lady that does menstrual paintings? Now that's disturbing.

[Sharyn (Torm)]

hahhahahhahahahaahhhaaha....oh man...I love this entry....and the evil coming up my own unhappy period side of me is wishing I had your address so I could pop it on a free maxi pad offer. ROFLMBO!!! didn't know I had it in me, did ya? LOL

[Barb H.]

Happy Period, my ass (literally!) While the idea is absurd, your post rocked!

[Monica]

I hate those commercials, too! Happy period, my butt!

[Becky]

Can I just say how much I COMPLETELY agree with you!! (I giggled because the way you wrote the story was funny...and because I can relate.)

Amen, girl!! Amen!!

[Linda]

Oh Kelly, you are so right!! Your post did make me giggle though. But you ARE so right!! LOL!!

[Steph]

ROFLMBO!!! That's just.........ewwwwwwwwww!!!

[Jennifer]

Kelly!

LOL! Your blog entry today made me laugh out loud. You are so right. I can't believe how they try to make periods FUN. It MUST be men doing this! That's gotta be it.

Jen

[sherry steveson]

OH MY GOSH< you are sooooo right.... wrong wrong wrong.
My other pet peeve is those erectile disfuntion commercials right in the middle of eating, ARGGGHHH! Nothing like telling the kiddies to cover their eyes and EARS while the tv is playing!
Sherry