The Edge of Reason

Due to procrastination...

... my Christmas cards have been canceled.

*sigh*

For twenty-two years, I have sent out Christmas cards. For seventeen of those years, a little newsletter has been enclosed. But this year, I dropped the ball. I totally and completely missed my window of opportunity to get the cards made and when I attempted to write the newsletter (it is in the format of a newspaper), my writing skills disappeared. It sounded boring, and uninteresting, and very much like a, well... newspaper. And so I set it aside telling myself that I would eventually "get back to it."

I never got back to it. Instead, I decided to play with the decorations on my banister. I kind of like how this turned out, although I plan to tweak things a bit next year in order to perfect what seems to be a good idea that could use improvement.

What I did was sew the Christmas ball ornaments onto the ribbon after I wrapped the ribbon around the banister. It took me three days to do the sewing. What can I say? I'm not very fast when it comes to figuring out something new. The good news is that I only broke one ball. The bad news is that the ribbon keeps pulling away from my banister and the balls sort of knock against the rails when the heat comes on. I know there must be a better way to do this, but so far, the better way has escaped me.

Anyway... back to the cards. Fast forward to Monday, December 20. As of Monday, I have received so many wonderful cards and letters from friends and family that I am now overwrought with guilt knowing that I have not sent a single card - so much so that when my sister in law phoned me yesterday, I informed her that I was going to be superwoman and attempt to send Christmas cards even if it meant that they would arrive after Christmas.

Yeah, that's not going to happen.

I am reminded once again that although I am a crafty person, I seriously lack the skills it takes to make Christmas cards. And that darn Shutterfly - good grief. They do NOT cater to the procrastinating customer. Their target ship date for photos is ten business days. Okay. Late is one thing, but next year? I don't think so. Talk about adding salt to my already wounded pride.

I did, however, attempt to make some cards for the VIP teenagers in my life. Here is how they turned out: 

I guess they don't look too awful, but this is what may not be apparent:

1. The paper is not holiday themed - it is autumnal
2. There are only four cards here
3. It took me three hours to make these four card
4. I spilled purple ink all over my carpet
5. There is no purple in these cards - where did that even come from?
6. When I cleaned up the ink, it spread under the cabinet and it's still there
7. I got ink on the fabric that was sitting on the table
8. I was a mess:

Clearly, card making is not one of my crafty talents. I can't believe that I used to get paid to do this stuff. What were those companies and magazines thinking? Jeff and I once sat down and did the math to figure out how much I made per card. I think he calculated something like $1.23 per hour. Yeah, card making was not going to make me rich. It's a good thing I got out of that business.

So here it is, three days until Christmas and I still have not sent out a single card. I am honestly ashamed of myself. Therefore, I hereby publicly vow to do better next year. In fact, I promise to start the cards in November. I also promise NOT to try to make them. What was I thinking?

Alas, this is going to have to serve as my official holiday greeting to all. To sum up our year, here is what the newsletter would have told you:

• Jeff continues to work hard - all day, every day
• I sew and play - all day, every day
• Alyssa is still in college and will be studying abroad in Italy this winter
• John graduated from high school and now attends ODU in Norfolk
• I spent three wonderful weeks with my family this summer (bliss)
• The dogs continue to rule our roost (chaos)
• We are all healthy and happy (blessing)
• We wish you a Merry Christmas and a splendid new year (love)

I'm not supposed to blab about the Italy thing because Alyssa has yet to officially announce it. But since she will be leaving in four weeks, I guess it is okay for me to mention it. Just don't post the word "Italy" on my facebook page - she would be mad at me for that spilling the beans.

And that's that - The Edgerton Express in a nutshell.

Please know that my intentions were good. I want to say a special thank you to each and every person who has taken the time to include my family on your holiday mailing list. Your cards and letters have brightened my holidays and have touched my heart. It is always such a treat to hear from friends and family near and far. And the pictures that have been sent? I LOVE THEM!

And so from me to you -

 
Happy holidays, my friends!

Snuggle Up!

Some may remember that last Christmas Alyssa asked for a Snuggie. At the time, I was anti-Snuggie and was not looking forward to buying a cheap piece of fleece for her. So I decided to make one because the fabric I could buy was much more attractive than the Snuggies sold at the store. Once I had completed the project I realized that making a personalized Snuggie was not the worst thing I've ever done. In fact, I actually enjoyed the project.

Now it is one year later, and Alyssa is once again home for the holidays. With her came the Snuggie. The first thing she wanted me to do when she got home was wash her beloved Snuggie. Apparently, she has a bed-bug phobia and she did not want any dormitory bed-bugs to be transferred to her bedroom at home. Can I just add a big-fat eeew right here? I mean, really... the thought repulses me. And so into the wash went the Snuggie - heaven forbid those [imagined?] bed-bugs inhabiting my house. Eeew again. When I took the Snuggie out of the dryer, I had to inspect it - not that I would be able to see the bed-bugs or anything, but I guess I just wanted to make sure that there were no visible creepy-crawlies hanging around. What I noticed as I checked every single seam of the Snuggie was that the darn thing looked as good as new. One year later, three trips back and forth to college, and Lord knows how many washings in her dormitory industrial machines, and the thing still looks brand new. Clearly, these Snuggies are indestructible.

After seeing how much Alyssa has loved her Snuggie, I decided to open up the workshop and make a few to give as Christmas gifts again this year. Here is what Snuggie Central looked like last week:

Since I posted my original instructions on how to make a Snuggie, I have perfected my pattern - and I want to share the updated version. I can now make a Snuggie in two hours using these new and improved instructions, which I consider to be great time management. So for those who are crafty, and for those who are looking for last minute gift ideas - here you go. Get out your dusty machines and put your foot to the pedal. I guarantee that teenagers will love this gift. Bonus that fleece is on sale at JoAnn's from now until Christmas Eve. Seriously, you can't go wrong with these Snuggies.

You will need:
3 yards of Polar Fleece, 60" wide (I prefer the no-pill fleece)

Cutting:
1. Cut 24" off of one short end of the fleece
2. Set this aside - it will become the sleeves
3. Fold the remaining piece of fleece in half the long way and mark the armholes

To make the armholes:
1. Draw an oval to measure 9" x 6" on a piece of paper; use as a pattern
2. Place this oval on the fleece you have set aside (keep that piece folded in half the long way)
3. Placement of the oval pattern is DOWN 13" from the top and IN 11" from the fold
4. Trace and cut the oval through both layers of fabric

To make the sleeves:
1. Take the 24" piece you have set aside and cut on the fold to create 2 sleeve pieces that measure 24" x 30" each
2. Fold each piece in half the LONG way to make a tube that measures 12" x 30"
3. Sew or serge the LONG edge of the sleeve
4. Pin the sleeve to the armhole of the main fabric piece and sew or serge to Snuggie
5. Repeat for second sleeve
**NOTE: Folded in half the arm hole measures approximately 14". This equals around 28" when opened flat. This measurement is the key to having the sleeve fit exactly into the openings you have cut.

Hemming the neck:
(the following photos were taken after the Snuggie was done - the side seam stitches were completed during the "finishing" step)

 Hemming the sleeves and lower edge of the Snuggie:

 

Finishing:

Fleece does not ravel. Therefore, you have several options for how to finish the edges. A serger was used in the above photo to overcast the sides. I did not use a serger last year when I made Alyssa's Snuggie. Instead, I selected an overcast stitch on my home sewing machine to finish the sides - either way works, although using a serger is much faster.

Other finishing options are:
* Leave the edges raw
* Trim the edges with a decorative rotary cutter
* Fringe the edges
* Bind with a strip of lycra
* Fold over and top stitch to create self-banding

And that's it - you're finished! An easy-breezy holiday gift that is perfect for any teenager or college student.

In case anyone is wondering how the pattern was tweaked to make it new and improved: I altered the neck hem and I added a bottom hem. My reasoning for this was that I wanted the fleece that was up around the neck to be softer and a bit thicker - it just "feels" better with a wider rolled hem. The bottom hem was added to reinforce the Snuggie so that when it was tucked under the feet, the fleece would not stretch or wear out.

So there you go... a Snuggie update. Who knew that me, the anti-Snuggie girl, would take the time to perfect something that I shunned for so long? By way of a disclaimer, I will confess that I personally do not own a Snuggie... just because I like to make them, and just because I write instructions for them, does not mean that I actually use them <pfft>. I prefer a good, old fashion quilt when I snuggle up because I don't like things around my neck - a quilt can be tucked under my arms rather than under my chin. But that's just me... and I've always considered myself to be a bit of an oddity :grin:.

And with that I can announce that as of 2:15am Friday night, both my kids are finally home for the holidays, so the workshop is now closed until after Christmas. I doubt that I will be able to stay away from the machines for longer than one week because I've got more Snuggies to make for my friend JoNell's boys, as well as three quilts lined up as my January projects. Which is exactly why I enjoy the winter months - the cold weather gives me an excuse to stay inside and sew guilt free, not to mention the fact that December brings my kids home <insert Facebook heart right here>.

Happy holidays to all,

 

 

Holiday Table Dressing

The day that both kids left for college, Jeff and I took the leaf out of our kitchen table. We also removed two of the chairs and put them in the basement. It was so liberating to make this change because our kitchen table had never been without a leaf and six chairs. What a difference this has made in our kitchen - it just feels bigger. It was such a simple change for us to make, but it was our way of reclaiming our home as we began our new life as Empty Nesters.

So now we have a smaller kitchen table. And we like it. But this change has wrecked all sorts of havoc with my stash of seasonal table decor because everything I have was made for a long rectangular table. We don't have a long table anymore. Instead, we have a short table that is almost the size of a square. It's as though my kitchen table went on a diet and now it needs a new wardrobe.

At first, I was fussing about not having the right attire for my table. I definitely didn't want my table to go barenaked, and I certainly didn't think that placemats alone would cover her up the way I like, and so I kind of had to make do with the few things I had on hand that actually fit a small table. Thankfully, all this happened in the fall and I did have some autumnal attire that would work in a pinch. But now it is approaching winter and the autumnal decor is not longer in season. More importantly, the holidays are here, and that means decorations in every room. My poor kitchen table. She needed help.

Which leads me to the project I made last week while I was drowning in another project known as "Snuggie Hell." I took time away from the Snuggies (I made five in one week) so that I could dress my kitchen table. Here is what I came up with:

At first glance, this doesn't look very Christmas-y. And that's a good thing because my desire was to find fabric that would dress my table through January. The solution was prints with snowflakes and winter trees. Even the little snowman lamp is not actually Christmas-y. But still... this works for Christmas as well as for January. Success!

The bonus is that this fabric actually matches the Jingle Bell wreath and the Jingle Bell Christmas tree that I place on the side table in our kitchen during the holidays:

Hooray for alternative holiday colors. I especially like how the alternative colors conveniently match my wall paper.

For those who are interested in the sewing details of the placemats and the small quilted centerpiece, the specs are as follows:

Supplies Needed:
* 1 yard each of three coordinating print fabrics
* 2 yards of a fourth coordinating print to be used for the backing
* Batting (can use flannel in place of low loft batting if desired)
** You will have fabric left over
*** A partial jelly roll is perfect for this project; backing and binding will be additional

General Sewing:
1. Cut four 2.5" strips from three of the prints
2. Cut six 2.5" strips from a fourth print
3. Sew strips together to create TWO sets of 9 strips each
4. Using a store bought placemat, trace pattern onto a piece of tissue paper
5. Cut 3 placemats out of the first set of strips
6. Cut the fourth placemat out of the second set of strips
7. Set aside remaining length from the second strip (will be used as the centerpiece)
8. Using the tissue pattern, cut out 4 backings and 4 battings
9. Place the strip placemat tops onto the batting and the backing
10. Stitch in the ditch and add any additional embellishments or top stitching
11. Bind with bias tape binding

Bias Tape Binding:
1. Select a fabric print to use as the bias tape binding and cut ten 2" strips
2. Sew the strips into one long row to create the bias tape binding
3. Detailed sewing instructions (with pictures) can be in a tutorial I wrote in 2008: Bias Tape Binding Instructions

Centerpiece:
1. Take the remainder of the second set of strips and cut to desired size (square or rectangle)
2. Repeat steps 9, 10 and 11 of General Sewing instructions
3. You can add width or length by cutting a 2.5" cross-ways piece/strip from the strip scraps; sew these two pieces to the right and left side (or the top and bottom) of the centerpiece. (Double click on picture above for a closer look at the ends of the centerpiece)

Here are a couple of pictures that show the close up details of the embellishments and top stitching:

So there you have it: how to dress your Christmas table the Kelly Edge way. Fast. Simple. Easy. And very fun!

And with that, I'm heading back to the workshop because Buddy's best friend (the UPS guy) just delivered another box of fabric.

 

Chinese [Christmas] Coin Quilt

I keep forgetting to share these pictures since we are now in the heart of the holiday season which means I am a busy being an elf and making Christmas gifts. I haven't put up a single decoration yet, but my Santa's Workshop is overflowing with projects in progress. And so before I start posting pictures of my workshop creations, I thought it would be fun to share this project.

Before the holidays arrived, I was surfing the internet and I came across some quilting patterns on a blog titled Mary Quilts. I've seen this pattern before, but I didn't know it was called the Chinese Coin. Now, after completing the rows of "coins," I think it is the perfect name for the quilt. Anyway... I downloaded the pattern and studied it carefully, and then I decided the coins would be a great project to use with a jelly roll of Christmas fabric I had stashed away, and so off I went to dig through my stash and figure out exactly what else I needed by way of borders and backing. In the end, I had to make a trip to JoAnn's to buy the backing fabric and the sashing print. I used a 40% off coupon and I was able to save quite a lot on the purchase of the fabric. I think this quilt ended up costing me about $65 in fabric and thread (including the initial cost of my jelly roll). I can't factor in the cost of the batting since I buy that on 15 yard rolls and keep a big tube of it tucked away in my closet (the tube has enough batting on it to make 12 quilts). So if you are budgeting, you will need to add that into the total cost. The quilt also required five spools of thread - you will want to buy that when it is on sale.

After making this quilt, here is what I learned about Chinese Coins: the pattern is the most easy quilt I have ever made. And I was able to complete this quilt in a single week - including sewing the free motion top stitching and adding the binding. I also learned that Alyssa loves this quilt, so I gave it to her to have when she graduates from college and sets up her own home. In the meantime, we are using the Chinese [Christmas] Coin quilt in our family room during this holiday season. My theory is that the more a quilt is used, the softer it becomes. Therefore, by the time Alyssa moves out and takes it with her, it will be well broken in and much loved.

These pictures show the backing and a bit of the detail work. I still can't believe how easy this project was and how quickly it came together.

I'm pretty sure that I'll be making more of these Chinese Coin quilts because the size is perfect, the project is fun, and the end result is awesome!

And with that, I'm off to my workshop because I've got a whole lot of fabric to play with.

Happy Holidays from me to you,

 

Edited with pictures

Thanksgiving 2010 pictures.

 

 

The UPS Guy Brings Treats

Our boxer dog, Buddy, has a best friend: the UPS guy. The reason Buddy likes the UPS guy so much is that our driver brings dog biscuits with him and Buddy knows that when the truck stops in front of our house, that means it is treat time. Buddy can hear the UPS truck turn into our neighborhood before the truck ever gets to our road, and as soon as he hears the truck, he sits at the window anxiously waiting to see if his friend will stop with a treat. It's kind of sad since Buddy does this every single day, and only once in a while is he rewarded with a visit from his best friend.

It was nice for Buddy that today was his lucky day and his best friend made a visit to our house. As always, Buddy received a treat. It turns out that it was my lucky day too, because Mr. UPS Guy brought me a package from Amazon. I had no idea what the heck was in the box, but I'm not one to complain when it comes to unexpected surprises. Come to find out, Jeff had decided that we need to begin preparing for the kids coming home from college over the holidays, so he bought a new Presto Pizza Maker.

At first, I was underwhelmed with the idea of adding a Pizza Maker to the list of unnecessary items in my home. But that was before we tried it out... now I'm sold on this little pizza making wonder:

Jeff knows that I don't like stuff cluttering up my kitchen counters - something I've celebrated recently since now there are only two of us living in our home and we tend to be very tidy when it comes to cleaning up after ourselves. So rather than listen to me gripe about adding another "thing" to my relatively clean living space, Jeff told me exactly where he was going to store the Pizza Maker as he opened the box. Whew! Anxiety averted - the Pizza Maker has a home and it is not going to be siting on my counter collecting dust. I guess after twenty-two years of marriage, Jeff has figured out how to avoid my anger.

Which leads me to the most entertaining thing I've done all day long: stand at the island in my kitchen watching a pizza go round in a circle for fifteen minutes. Friday nights don't get more exciting than that around here these days -which is a really good thing after spening the last six years of Friday nights worrying about potential missed curfews and broken rules.

Here's what my fifteen minute artichoke and spinach pizza looked like when it was cooking:

And it was delicious. Bonus that clean up was a breeze; in under thirty minutes, we cooked, we ate, and we washed and dried the dishes. Boom. Done! I think I'm going to like this Pizza Maker, and I know John is going to love it since he is my Pizza Kid. Plus, when the Pizza Kid finds out that this new gizmo will also make chicken nuggets and fish sticks, he is going to really like being home where he can make all his favorite snacks in an instant.

So that's that. Friday nights at the House of Edge. We may be boring, but we are never bored.

And I have to admit that I agree with Buddy: the UPS guy is my friend too. I like it when he brings us "treats."

Blue Jean Blues

Can we talk about blue jeans for a minute? It's a subject that makes me crazy for all sorts of reasons. And now that I'm quickly approaching the age of fifty, I am all kinds of worried about looking frumpy. Heaven forbid if I were to ever be found guilty of wearing "mom jeans" - those high waisted, pockets that sit above the butt jeans that are still sold nationwide (why, I ask you... why on earth are stores still selling these horrendous jeans? There have got to be other options available for these stores to put on their shelves). Needless to say, I went through my closet last summer and got rid of every pair of jeans that came relatively close to having a waist that sat above my muffin top.

Speaking of muffin top, this is another thing that makes me crazy. I'm smack dab in the middle of peri-menopause. My hormones are as out of control as a kid who is in puberty. We women get to go through a roller coaster of out of control hormones during our preteens, and then we get to do it all over again when we are in our forties and fifties. I find this to be beyond unfair. Anyway, due to raging hormones, I have a muffin top which now rests comfortably above the waist of my non-mom jeans. I don't know what is more unsightly - the muffin top or the mom-jeans that ride under my boobs. Either way, it's not a pretty sight.

While contemplating this subject of blue jeans, and after decimating my stash of old jeans, I had a conversation with a girl friend about the great jeans debate, during which we bemoaned the fact that no matter what we wish, our bodies will never look like they did thirty years ago. Hell, my body won't even look like it did twenty years ago. And I consider it a good day when my body closely resembles what it looked like ten years ago (this only happens when the mirror is fogged up after a hot shower). But I digress. So... I had this conversation with a friend and she mentioned that her favorite pair of jeans were purchased from the Loft. As soon as we were done talking, I rushed to my computer and logged on to loft dot com because, by gawd, if she said that the Loft jeans were cool, I was all over that (I have cool friends, what can I say?).

Sure enough, there were lots and lots of choices at the Loft. Most of the choices were either boot cut or boyfriend jeans. I liked the sound of boyfriend jeans (I swear, I will never grow up when it comes to boys), so that's what I looked at: BOYFRIEND JEANS. Buy one pair. Click. And then I anxiously awaited the arrival of my box of brand new jeans. Sure enough, three days later, the UPS guys showed up at my door with my box of jeans. It was a happy day for me and so I proceeded to dance and twirl my way upstairs to try them on. And low and behold.... drum roll please... they fit. Bonus that they were just a tiny bit loose, lightly distressed, very broke in - but not holey - and the length was perfect. SCORE!

That was three months ago. Since then, I have fallen in love with my boyfriend jeans. Several times I've kicked myself for not going back to the site and ordering another pair or two of these most perfect jeans on the planet. But they were kind of expensive, and my budget really doesn't allow for a whole lot of unnecessary expenditures, so I've held off on ordering more of the perfect jeans and I've just worn the one pair I own to death.

Well... I held off until Sunday night when I put the most perfect jeans in the dirty clothes hamper and realized that I wouldn't be wearing my favorite jeans until I did a load of laundry. Not such a big deal other than the fact that it takes well over a week for Jeff and I to have enough dirty jeans to make up a small load of wash. Sigh. I needed more boyfriend jeans, that's all there was to it. And so I logged onto loft dot com and did a search.... only to find that they were no longer shown in their inventory. OH NO! I had a moment of panic until I remembered that I'd kept my shipping information and I had the SKU number filed right in my desk. Whew. It's a good thing that I don't very often throw away needless bits of paper (rolleyes). And so armed with the handy SKU number, I did another search for the most perfect pair of jeans...

Here's what I found:

Do you see that price? And do you see the red print that says "take an additional 30% off" ...yeah, the price was less than $20. SCORE! Boyfriend jeans for me. How great is that? I don't wear them cuffed up, and I don't wear them with high heels, but gosh do I love these jeans. Did you notice that back belt-loop? What's up with that? I like it, but it's kind of weird. But thank goodness for that back belt-loop because without that little bit of weird, I wouldn't have known for certain that these were THE boyfriend jeans that I find to be so perfect. That belt-loop was the clue - once I saw that, I knew I'd found the boyfriend that I have grown to love so much.

And so there you have it. A blue jean success story with a happily ever after ending. In all the years that I have been shopping for and buying jeans, I have never been so excited about a silly bit of denim. But I am. And now you know.

No more blue jean blues for me. I'm a happy girl with a couple of boyfriends in her closet!

I want a do-over. Oh. Never mind.

Have you ever wanted a d0-over? That's how I felt last week - I wanted to a re-do of the whole thing... kind of like, "I want my week back."

It started out with the receipt of an email message from a family member that put me in an awkward and uncomfortable situation. I hemmed and hawed about it for a couple of days trying to decide whether to address the problem head on with honesty, or to skirt the issue with an excuse. After much consideration and many prayers, I chose to go the honesty route - because honesty is the best policy after all. Plus, it's a commandment: Thous shalt not lie. I really don't like breaking any commandments since there are only ten of them and I already struggle with a couple of these ten little rules. But the problem with total honesty is that sometimes it causes hurt feelings, and after being honest, I know that I hurt the feelings of someone I care about. I hate that. But when all is said and done, honesty was my only option because in the end, I have to live with my choices; I account to me and my God and I'm the person who has to live with how I respond to uncomfortable situations. GAH. Not a good way to start my week.

By Tuesday I was an emotional mess, which was not a good place to be since I had a medical procedure scheduled for Wednesday and all of Tuesday had to be spent preparing for the yucky procedure. By Tuesday night, I was so cranky that I could barely stand myself, and by the time I returned home from the outpatient procedure on Wednesday I was in full-blown pity party mode knowing that I still had a seven day wait for biopsy results. GAH. The week was shaping up to be a total bust.

It was at this point that I realized I needed to get a grip and find a way to turn things around, which is so much easier said than done because, really... how does one go about "turning things around," when most of those "things" are out of our control? In the end, I copped out - totally and completely copped out. My coping skills had deserted me and I was at my wits end. My solution? Hide. Bury my head in the sand and hide. And so that's exactly what I did.

Thankfully, I have this little gizmo that keeps me company when I hide. I love my Nook. Love, love, love it! I once told my husband that if I had to choose between my sewing machine, my iPod or my Nook, I'd have a hard time choosing which one to give up because they all make me so happy and I can't imagine a single day without them.

I've probably mentioned previously that I re-read books. I'm notorious for reading my favorite series over and over again, which many people find to be an odd thing to do, but it is something in which I find great comfort. My criteria for rereading books is that I must be inspired by the main character, i.e. strong character development. I also have to love the setting, whether it be historical or fantastical, I need to enjoy where the characters live. I also need to be intrigued by the journey - happy, sad, good or bad, if I know that the characters come out ahead, I will enjoy wherever the journey goes. Also, the more books in a series the better. And if the books are long and the series has multiple installments, then that is considered to be a bonus!

I've read the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon seven times. I've read the Sevenwaters series by Juliet Marillier three times. Same with the Swan Trilogy by Celeste DeBlasis - three times for those books. And I've visited Hogwarts twice. In fact, once I finally figured out that reading a book more than once was not a crime, I actually went back and reread the entire Little House on the Prairie series as an adult, and in that moment, I discovered that books actually get better with age! There is just something about revisiting old friends that makes me feel good. Which is exactly what happened last week when I decided to visit my friends Alya and Jondalar again and reread the Earth's Children series by Jean M. Auel. I just knew it would make me feel better.

I started this series in 1980 when The Clan of the Cavebear was first released. Back then, I was a senior in high school and the book was deeper (and longer) than anything I'd ever read. But I quickly became intrigued with the prehistoric aspect of the setting, and I immediately grew to care for Ayla. When the character Jondalar was introduced in the second book, I was more than ready for Alya (and me) to fall in love. What can I say? I was impressionable. By that point, there was no turning back - I was hooked. And so with each and every new installment of the series, I've gone back and started all over again, adding the latest book to the line up, which is how it came to be that with the Earth's Children series I began a lifelong habit of rereading books. I blame it all on Jean Auel.

Last week Barnes and Noble announced that Ms. Auel has finally set a release date for the final installment in this series (March 29, 2011). Oh happy day! I have long feared that the story would never reach a conclusion. I mean, come on... the first book was written in 1980 - that was 30 years ago for crying out loud. How many people stick with a single series for thirty years? Oh, yeah, I do. It's all her fault that I now own these books in hard cover, paperback and eBook format. She's definitely earned a penny from me, which I'm okay with since I consider it to be money well spent having bought myself hundreds of hours of escape and pleasure over the past thirty years.

And so here I am. Too many hours to count, and thousands of pages later, I'm in a much better emotional place. It's the beginning of a new week and my bad mood has finally lifted; the pity party is over. Hooray! I thought I wanted a do-over, but I've changed my mind. I don't want to do last week over at all - the week was a bust and that is the end of that. Last week, I was once again reminded that sometimes the solution to a problem really is hiding from the problem, and I've come to conclude that when a problem is totally out of our control, hiding is okay... and sometimes we get really lucky and the problem just goes away. I guess that is why today the only thing I want to do-over is to reread my books. And when all is said and done, that's not such a bad thing to do-over.

Solitary Time

A few years ago, I announced to my family that I was going to re-do the spare bedroom. The project included gutting out the room, painting the walls and sewing a new window topper. It was a big project and I told my kids that they were not to interrupt me while I worked. Needless to say, they interrupted me - a lot. Their agenda was not the same as my agenda and, in spite of my best intentions, the task took a long time to complete due to all the interruptions. When the room was finished, my family acted as though I'd abandoned them by going on trip around the world, when reality was that I had only locked myself in a bedroom for seven days. While I was locked in the room, I listened to a book on tape. It was heavenly to have someone read to me while I worked, and when the room was done, I wished that I had more time to myself: solitary time - it seemed like a pipe dream at the time.

I think all mothers feel this way once in a while; sometimes more often than not. There were years when my greatest desire was to take a bath without interruption. Just a bath. That's all I wanted to do. But it was a huge request because, as all mothers know, closing a door and locking the kids out is an open invitation for interruptions. We mothers are in demand and the little people in our lives tend to need us at exactly the moment we wish for Calgone to take us away. Solitary time is not a phrase to be used in conjunction with the word motherhood. The two do not go together.

These days I have a lot of time to myself. My kids are away at college and my husband works in our home office all day long. My time is my own and I can pretty much do whatever I want every day. This is what I wished for all those times when I was overwhelmed with motherhood - solitary time. And now it is here.

Some may wonder how the transition is going. I, too, questioned how I would handle this new phase in my life. I was afraid that I'd be bored, or lonely, or lost. But I'm happy to report that I've experienced none of those feelings. Instead, I feel liberated... free... HAPPY! Life is good, and I think the reason I'm so happy is because I know that I did the best I could with the years my kids were at home, and now it's my turn.

Now that I have this longed for solitary time, I get to spend it doing what I love the most (next to raising my kids, because, well... we are supposed to love doing that) - I sew and quilt and putz around the house. And my house is clean, clean, clean! No one ever messes it up. Things stay where they are supposed to stay. Counters are clear, dishes are always done, the bed is made every morning. And because my house is clean all the time, I actually have more time to do the things I want to do. For the past three weeks, I've been working on this quilt:

I was so afraid that I wouldn't finish it before Thanksgiving since it turned out to look very autumn-y in appearance and autumn-y colors don't coordinate with my Christmas decorations.

At first glance, the pattern looks quite simple. I used a layer cake and a jelly roll from the Sandy Gervais Awesome collection by Moda to make the quilt. But what made this quilt challenging for me was that I attempted to free motion stitch a floral design in each block. This is what I ended up with:

And here is what it looks like on the back:

I selected the stitch design after reading this book. The author lies! It is not easy. I just learned how to free motion stitch this year, and I still struggle with keeping my stitch length even and uniform. To attempt an actual design in addition to maintaining stitch control is still beyond my ability. But I tried. And I learned. And I will do better next time. And there will be a next time because, like I said, I have nothing but time to play now, and this is how I plan to spend my time.

Once I figured out that a free motion floral design was beyond my realm of expertise, I decided to make my own template and chalk the lines onto each block. Thankfully, this worked well and I was able to execute the design I had originally envisioned. Grant it, the execution of this design took me hours and hours because the chalking was very time consuming, but I'm pleased with the results.

To create the binding, I used the left over scraps from the jelly roll. I've never used this technique before, but I really like how it turned out. I think it looks very quilt-y:

Before John left for college, I began to prepare for my solitary time. During the summer I purchased enough fabric to make four quilts. I figured that it would take me an entire year to complete those quilts. What I didn't factor into the equation was that I would have time, time, and more time to sew. What used to take me weeks and months to make I can now accomplish in days. I'm not complaining - it goes right back to those words freedom and liberating. I enjoy waking up in the morning knowing that I won't have interruptions. I like being able to spend hours alone in my sewing room. I listen to music and watch DVDs all day long (well, I actually just listen while I sew) and I gauge my time not by a clock, but by how many CDs or DVDs I've played that day. This quilt took me two and a half seasons of Gilmore Girls to make, which adds up to be sixty episodes of Gilmore Girls. That equals about forty hours of sewing - forty hours that I didn't have before my kids went to college. I love those forty hours. Hooray for me that there are lots of forty hours in the future.

I think that we unknowingly prepare for transitions when we long for something that is beyond our reach. Had I not yearned for solitary time for so many years, I would not appreciate it now. But I did yearn for it. I craved it and I dreamed about it, and when it dawned on me that it was finally within reach, I prepared for it in earnest. And now that it's here, I don't take it for granted. Instead, I give thanks for each and every free moment that allows me to further explore the things I haven't had time for in years. And to be perfectly honest - I am loving every single minute of my newfound solitary time.

I admit...

I'm aware that this is not the cool thing to admit, and I am also aware that by doing so some may think I've got no taste at all, but I'm going to confess anyway: I like Taylor Swift and I am really enjoying her new CD.

My favorite song on the recently released Speak Now album is "Dear John." Last week I read a couple of articles where she didn't deny the rumors that the song is about John Mayer.  The girl certainly puts it all out there when she composes these tell-all songs. Like Alyssa says, "If Taylor Swift keeps this up, every guy in the world is going to be afraid to date her." Yeah, that.

 

Here's a little video of Taylor's appearance on the Ellen show. You be the judge...

 

So there you have it - I like the CD and I'm not ashamed to admit that she is one of the most played artists on my iPod. I guess that makes me uncool... but at least I own my uncool status.

Introducing Laura

Have you ever noticed how some people name their cars? Names like Big Red and Ruby. Yeah. Not me. I drive a red Volvo and I refer to my car as "the Volvo." And when you register your iPod, there is a place to insert a name. That one stumped me because when I registered my iPod, I didn't know I was supposed to name the dang thing. I felt pressured, so my iPod is registered as "Kelly's iPod." Very original. Not. Last year I received a nook for Christmas and there it was again - a place in the registration process where I was supposed to name the device. More pressure. I named my nook "Nookie," which only goes to prove that originality is not my strong suit.

As one can see, I am not very clever or creative when it comes to nicknames for the important things in my life - and, YES, I consider my car, my iPod and my nook to be very important... one might even go as far as saying that I consider these items to be essential to my happiness. I did manage to come up with names for my kids, so I guess I'm not a complete failure when playing the name game. And all these years later, I still like the name Alyssa Jane. I'll confess that I had no say in naming my son since John William is a family name and it was a done deal from the moment my husband and his sisters were told I was having a boy. Okay, so one out of two isn't all that bad. I've named a few dogs and cats before, does that count? Probably not.

My point: I don't put a lot of stock in names because regardless of what something is called, I still find myself bonding with the things that make me happy. And in my world the words iPod, Volvo, and nook hold a place near and dear to my heart in spite of the fact that their names are not very unique. Therefore, it took me by complete surprise when three weeks ago I got a new sewing machine and I immediately began referring to her by name... a real name, not a brand name and not "sewing machine"... but an actual name. I am pretty sure that I gave a name to my new sewing machine because she is just too pretty to be called "Brother," and if I were to refer to her as "sewing machine" there is potential for a lot of confusion since I now own several sewing machines (okay, seven... I own seven sewing machines, but who is counting?).

Therefore, it is with great pleasure that I introduce you to Laura. Together, she and I are going to make this blog a pretty place to visit.

Laura is actually a Brother NX2000 and the model I chose was a limited release Laura Ashley design that is loaded with 460 stitch selections. FOUR HUNDRED AND SIXY different stitches. Be still my beating heart. Isn't she pretty? Come on, admit it... you like her, right? Okay, if you aren't duly impressed, don't tell me because that would be comparable to telling me that one of my children was ugly, and that would most definitely hurt my feelings.

And, yes, I do realize that Laura is not a very unique name for a sewing machine that just so happens to be a Laura Ashley design. But, hey, I get credit for moving beyond my comfort zone of name brand and/or kind of device. Plus, I love the name Laura, so there you go - I think I did good.

The projects shown laying on her extended sewing surface are two pieces that I played around with when I first brought Laura home. They showcase just a teeny-tiny bit of what Laura is capable of. Here is a close up of those sample pieces. Notice the fiber sewn on the left photo - that is a special bobbin works feature that allows me to wind fiber in the bobbin and sew decorative stitches with fluffy or textured threads:

After playing with Laura for a couple of days, I decided to make something that would allow me to use as many stitch designs as I could. I confess that I got a bit carried away. This project has at least 45 different stitches embedded within the design. I also attached a ton of fiber throughout the process. I've since learned to be a bit less manic when working with Laura.

And finally, here are pictures of the last two quilts I made before retiring my Baby Lock machine (known as "Baby Lock" in order to identify her from the other not-name-worthy machines in my house). The Baby Lock is actually still a viable member of my sewing family because she is my embroidery machine and I refuse to give up the option to embroidery whenever the mood strikes me. But for now, the Baby Lock is on a sabbatical.

The way I look at it, when it comes to "things" a name is just a name. But every once in a while, a "thing" comes along that means so much to us that there is no way around it... that "thing" deserves a special name. I've never really named a "thing" before, but I'm here to tell you that when I say Laura, every single person in my family knows exactly who and what I'm talking about. In fact, the very same people who teased me about naming my sewing machine are now referring to her as Laura, which only goes to show exactly how special she really is.

Jumping right back in...

Has it really been almost a year since I last posted anything? Yep. It's been that long. So now the burning question of the day is this:

Do I jump right in with a new post or do I try to play catch up?

After asking myself this question all day, I've chosen the jump right in option. I'll play catch up later because the goal is to get back to the business of writing, not to share my life story (at least not all at one time).

So here we are - together again. I promise I will attempt to make some semblance of sense in my continuing attempt to share my thoughts and observations. But just know that when I'm not making sense, I will be blaming it on menopause. Every. Single. Time.

My boobs were squished today. Not in a good squishy way, but in the mechanical way that is otherwise known as a mammogram. Let me explain (not about the boobs, but about the reason behind the mammogram):

I'm now an official Empty Nester. Both kids are away at college and for the first time in over twenty years, my time is my own. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want. And if I don't want... then I just don't do. And in keeping with my personal rule of full disclosure, I will admit right now: Empty Nest is my idea of pure bliss! It is also All About Me. Take it or leave it,  because that's what you are going to be seeing me write about... stuff about me... which actually makes sense in that the subtitle of this blog is "the world according to me."

I do so love it when I make sense.

Back to the mammogram. The reason I had a mammogram is because I'd not had one in almost two years, and since I am now living in a world that is all about me, I decided that it is time to make sure that I take care of me so that the me I'm all about will be around for a long time to come. You know... so that I can continue to enjoy my own company in this new empty nest that I find to be so blissful.

Come to find out, I'm right on target with this mammogram because October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. So there you go - I'm aware of my boobs. Who knew?

The imaging place I went to was giving out bookmarks and wrist bands. I like them. Not because of my boobs, but because they are pink and pink is my favorite color. So I took one of each home with me. I even tried on the bracelet. And then I took it off. Why did I take it off, you ask? Well, I took it off because I was afraid of jinxing myself. I'm sort of funny when it comes to jinxes. I don't like them. I'm always afraid of bad results with the jinx. And the more I thought about it after putting the bracelet on, the more I started freaking out because I pinky square promise you that I do not want to jinx my boobs. I like my boobs just how they are, and there are no jinxes allowed when it comes to my boobs. In fact, just writing about my boobs may jinx them... hmmm... that's not good either. Crap.

Anyway. There you go. I'm back. My boobs have been squished. It's all about me this time around. And may this be the start of better writing habits and renewed friendships.

Oh. And don't forget your boobs. Make an appointment to get them squished. It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month and that means that it is okay to make it all about you!

 

 

Some snow, some parenting, and a rag quilt.

Last weekend we saw our first snow of the season. It was beautiful, which is a shocking description coming from me, the Snow Grinch of the world. But I think I've made this disclaimer before: snow is okay during the month of December because 1) it adds to the festive nature of the holidays, and 2) it looks absolutely gorgeous on the outside Christmas lights. I've yet to figure out how to take a nighttime snow picture of the lights covered in white, but I did manage to get a few pictures of the birds flocking to our winter feeder during the storm:

The weather is still cold today, but the snow seems to have passed for the time being. I'd really like another round of the white stuff before the holidays are over because I'm bound and determined to figure out how to take a nighttime picture of snow on the lights, and I can only do that when it actually snows during December. Timing is everything when it comes to my trial and error approach of learning something new.

<no segue here because I can't figure out anything clever to say>

Parenting is something I've not written about for quite a while - not because I've stopped parenting, and not because I've given up (I haven't) - but because I'm walking the fine line of keeping the lives of my kids private due to their personal request. It's been difficult for me not to talk about this subject since I often work things out through the writing process. But I respect my almost-adult-children, and so I've done my best to honor their wishes. Therefore, the following may be a little vague.

To say that parenting John has been a challenge would be putting it mildly. Parenting this boy is truly the most difficult thing I have ever done in my entire life. I am admittedly in over my head, and there seems to be no end in sight. I continue to struggle to remain afloat as I make decisions that I've never before considered, do things I never thought I'd do, and swallow every ounce of pride while muddling through this thing called Life. But through it all, I've grown to love this child in ways that make me weep because my heart is so full.

When I woke up this morning, I was filled with dread because John had an appointment with a doctor that in the past has made both John and I feel like fools. She's been one of his doctors for the past five years and she doesn't pull any punches - she just says it like it is and sort of bullies us around. The only reason we continue to see her is because 1) we only have to go to her office twice a year, and 2) John plans on finding a new doctor once he turns 18. Therefore, we know our time is limited, so we continue to bite the bullet and suffer her wrath. But neither of us likes it, and neither of us looks forward to these appointments. Today was no different and when I picked John up from school, he was already freaking out about having to see her again.

But you know... life is funny, and sometimes the thing we dread the most can turn into a small miracle, which is exactly what happened today. There was nothing special or different about the appointment today - the doctor was still a bully and John and I still felt like fools - but the time before and the time after were magical because for the first time in months, John opened up to me while we were driving to and from Dr. Bully's office. Today I learned about his break up with she who shall not be mentioned (this had previously been a mystery and it was nice to know "the rest of the story"). He talked to me about why he does not want to get a driver's license (another mystery that I had been unable to solve). He shared with me his fears about leaving [or not] for college (a topic that has been forbidden until today). And he reminisced with me about days gone by and things that he would do differently and the mistakes he's made (something he has never before admitted).

In the grand scheme of things, it was a day just like any other. But in my world, our time together and the words spoken were an answer to my prayers. I don't think we solved any problems, and I know that things are no different tonight than they were this morning, but yet... everything is different because I was given a small glimpse into the mind of this child whom I love so much. And as mothers the world over know: a small glimpse is often the difference between successful parenting and parenting without a clue. And to be very honest about this whole subject of parenting, I'd rather parent successfully than try to do it on a hope and a prayer (which is what I've been doing these past several months).

So that's my feel good story of the day. Like I said, not earth shattering, but it is certainly a step in the right direction.

In other news, I finished snipping the rag quilt and it is now in the possession of the U.S. Postal Service as it makes its trek across America. I have to admit that every single time I send away something that I've made, I have a little panic attack. It is always difficult to entrust a labor of love to perfect strangers. Hopefully, the USPS employees will take good care of my (oh-so-expensive-to-mail) package and it will arrive in time for Christmas.

This rag quilt was made for my brother's girlfriend's daughter (did you follow that?). I've not yet met the new girls in my brother's life, but he loves them and my mom loves them, so I know I will love them too. My thought was that since all the other cousins receive Aunt Kelly quilts last Christmas, giving one to Keily this year would be the perfect "welcome to our family" gift. She is a pre-teen and I was so excited when I found the perfect fabric for this project:

Since this entry is pretty much a bust on the transitions and segues, I'll just wrap things up by saying that it has been an interesting Monday - one that I will remember for many days and weeks to come. I am in awe of the tiny little miracles that we are blessed with when we take the time to slow down and just let thing happen. Today was a tiny miracle day. I like that!

My Life as a Christmas Elf

Time seems to fly by during the holiday season. And for that reason, I never seem to slow down long enough to write about all the things that are happening in my little corner of the world. Like everyone else, I am just busy, busy, busy, and I sometimes forget to slow down and enjoy why I am so busy in the first place. Therefore, in an effort to not let time slip away, today I'm slowing down to share some of what has kept me so busy.

First things first - Thanksgiving. Yeah, I know it is old news. But like I said, I've been busy and have not slowed down since before the Big Day. And a Big Day it was! My mom and Debbie drove down from Philadelphia to spend the afternoon with us while Lon and Norm stayed behind because they were working on a "project" - projects are a theme in my family and when we start one, we don't like to be interrupted by things like a holiday. But mom and Debbie were kind enough to step away from their project so that they could eat some turkey in Virginia. We had a lovely time with them and the day turned out perfect. Here are some of the pictures we took before we stuffed ourselves with delicious food:

Notice that Jeff is not in the photos. The reason he's not shown is that he was busy cooking while we were busy playing. He made the entire meal! My only responsibility on this day was to make the stuffing, stuff the bird and set the table. He did everything else, including clean-up. Yes, I know... I am spoiled. But in my defense, I did spend a week getting ready for the Big Day. I also sewed a whole lot of placemats and napkins to put on our Thanksgiving table. Therefore, I like to think that it was a cooperative effort on our part.

As soon as Thanksgiving was over and we said good-bye to Mom and Debbie, Alyssa handed me an order for more Greek letter tee-shirts. Last month I offered to make these tee shirts for any of her sorority sisters who were interested in owning one of the custom made Vera Bradley designs. At the time, I thought it was a nice gesture on my part and I figured that I would have to make maybe ten more tee's. Little did I know that those darn letters would be the hit of the year. FORTY tee-shirts! That's how many have been ordered so far. And they need them by January 2. FORTY! Oh my word. What a huge project (there's that word again) this has turned out to be. I spent all day Friday, all day Saturday and all day Sunday making tee-shirts. And I made even more on Tuesday and Wednesday of last week. To date, I've only completed 14 of these little gems (I told you it was a HUGE project). But thanks to some brainstorming with my friend Pamela, I've since figured out a way to streamline the project a bit, and I am hoping that by the end of this month I will have all forty tee shirts made for the girls. Here is a picture of what 14 tee-shirts and five days of work looks like:

So... we've covered Friday through Wednesday of what I now refer to as My Life as a Christmas Elf. I spent Thursday and Friday working on a rag quilt (pictures will follow at a later date because I'm still snipping the rags). Then I spent all day Saturday making a Snuglet. The rag quilt and the Snuglet are Christmas gifts. I also hope to make some pajama pants to tuck under the tree.

About this "Snuglet" - this is the homemade version of the Snuggie. In the past, I have been the biggest critic of the Snuggies. I have gone on record as stating that I am not a fan. In fact, my favorite YouTube video is one that makes fun of the Snuggie (titled WTF Snuggie - not fit for young eyes and ears). So when Alyssa proclaimed that the one single thing she wanted for Christmas this year was a Snuggie, I almost choked. There is no way on earth I would be caught wearing one of those things. There is also no way I would pay good money to buy something like that because I know full good and well that I could make it for far less money. I also know that "my version" would be a lot more cute than what we are seeing in those goofy television ads, which is why last week I stepped away from the sewing machine long enough to go to the fabric store to look at fleece. I may hate Snuggies, but I would never deny Alyssa the one single thing she asked for this Christmas. 

Following is a picture of what I came up with - and NO, I am not modeling it... I still don't like Snuggies and I would not be caught dead wearing one, although I did test it out when it was done, and I have to admit it was very comfortable. But please...  shoot me if I am ever tempted to make one of these for myself. I am NOT a fan...well, maybe a little... but not enough to actually wear one :giggle:.

The actual pattern and original instructions can be found here: The Snuglet. This was a very easy project and I was able to complete it in a single day. The only thing that threw me off a bit was that the sleeves must be folded to make a 30" opening, and I sewed them the wrong way the first time around, so I ended up picking seams for two hours trying to correct that small mistake (keeping in mind that picking overcast seams is one of the things I like least in this life). This project would be simple for anyone who has inset sleeves before - without that knowledge, the pattern would probably be found lacking in that there are no illustrations for actual sleeve insetting. Other than the sleeves, though, it is just straight stitches all around - and there is a whole lot of fabric to sew around!

And that brings us up to date with My Life as a Christmas Elf. I've not yet put up my Christmas tree and I don't know if I will find time to mail Christmas cards, but I am sure having fun sewing gifts. And so even though I'm busy, busy, busy, I'm also happy, happy, happy. I'm thinking this Christmas Elf gig is one I could get used to.

The Never Ending Flat Surface Syndrome Dilemma

Alyssa is home! She arrived this afternoon and she is already upstairs taking a nap. That is exactly what I used to do when I went home from college for a break - I started it out with a good nap in my own bed. Looks like the apple didn't fall far from the tree in regard to her love of naps.

Over the course of the past several days I have put forth a lot of effort to conquer the Flat Surface Syndrome that I am guilty of contributing to. Before I began my clean up, my house had fabric and sewing projects laying on every available surface, and as I mentioned: it looked like a fabric store gone bad. Now, after four days of putting away and reorganization, I'm happy to say that all my flat surfaces are clean and shiny - and all my sewing projects have been put where they belong (away!).

What is it about flat surfaces? These areas of unused space just scream for stacking and piling and unloading "stuff." Today when Alyssa came home, the first thing she did was dump her keys and her coat on the perfectly clean and uncluttered island in the kitchen. I had to laugh because she is the worst offended of Flat Surface Syndrome. In fact, it surprises me that I have let this beast get the best of me since she went away to college. Anyway.... I knew that the minute she got home, my flat surfaces would not remain uncluttered. Yep, I was right.

Through the years, in an attempt to do the right parenting thing by teaching my kids how to pick up after themselves, Alyssa and I have had the Flat Surface Syndrome discussion many times. And every time we are expecting company, she starts to grouse because all of a sudden her treasure trove of stacks disappear (I take those right up to her room and dump them on her bed). Her response has always been, "If you are so concerned about clutter, why do you let the refrigerator look like an art gallery of trash?" She never says it in a sassy tone, but rather as a sincere question because I think she has always been boggled by the contradiction of my desire to alleviate Flat Surface Syndrome altogether. And she has a point. My poor refrigerator - it is where I display all those little pictures that I don't want to put away and that I don't know what else to do with. And, to be completely honest, it is an unsightly mess.

And so, because I believe in full disclosure (even at my own expense), I will give you a little peek at what Alyssa is talking about when questioning the state of refrigerator art:

She's right! It looks like trashy art. I honestly have to admit that the front of my fridge is a total disaster. But every time I go to un-clutter this mess, I can't bear the thought of taking down even one single picture. I have pictures on this fridge that were moved from my old home and fridge to the new home and fridge - those pictures are over 16 years old - and still they remain right there on the fridge where I can look at them every single day. Why? Because in spite of the messy appearance, I love my trashy refrigerator art.

The moral of this story is that I am a hypocrite when it comes to Flat Surface Syndrome. If the area is flat, as in horizontal, then I want it clean. If the area is flat, as in vertical, then I am the world's worst offender. So there you have it... I'm a hypocrite and I am just now figuring this out.

And now that I have publicly humiliated myself by sharing my messing refrigerator, I will be done with the whole discussion of Flat Surface Syndrome because, clearly, I have not yet conquered the problem in spite of the fact that my horizontal flat surfaces are looking darn nice right now.

As time draws near for the arrival of Mom & Norm and Lon & Deb, I felt the need to make a little craft for our holiday table. This is nothing special - and definitely not fancy - but I thought I'd post the project because it is a very easy way to use up old craft supplies while making name tags for the holiday place settings:

Supplies: stickers, cardstock, pop dots, talcum powder, child's paint brush and a bone folder. That's all you will need to make these little tags.

Instructions: cut the cardstock to the size of 4x6 inches. Fold in half using the bone folder. Use a Sharpie Marker (my favorite writing tool) to write the names. Add the stickers using the pop dots: place a pop dot on the back of each sticker, leaving the cover on the top of the pop dot. Using the paintbrush, dust the sticker with baby powder to get rid of the stick. Next, remove the cover of the pop dot and place the sticker on the name tag in desired location.

This is a great craft for children who want to help with the holiday decorations and it is a wonderful way to use outdated or old products. Or, in my case, it is a fun way to kill time when you feel like playing with stickers.

To all my friends and family, I wish you a happy holiday filled with much love and lots of laughter. When I pause to consider my blessings, family and friends are at the top of the list and I am so very grateful that for the love and support you show as we enjoy this journey of life together.

Happy Turkey Day!

Thanksgiving for dogs, Thanksgiving for me.

I really need to get moving on preparing my home for Thanksgiving. But I'm using my bad back as an excuse to procrastinate. Therefore, my house still looks like a fabric store gone wrong. So in the meantime, I grabbed some fabric scraps and decided to make doggy scarves for the dogs to wear on Thanksgiving day. Sadly, I have yet to perfect a scarf pattern for our big dog, Buddy, so he will have to go bare-naked while the little dogs show off the latest fashion trend in doggy attire.

Here is a picture of the scarves I made for my miniature dachsie, Misty, and for my brother's schnauzer, Sophie:

 

So... my house will not be in tip-top shape, but the dogs and the table will be looking good!

I'm getting excited for the holiday - a feeling that is still new to me since we spent so many lonely holidays without extended family. But things are different now: Alyssa will be home from college on Tuesday (I can't wait to see her), my mom will arrive on Wednesday, and Lon and Debbie will be here on Thanksgiving day. Yippee! A house filled with love and laughter. I practically squeal out loud every time I think about seeing my mom again. And my brother is one of my absolute favorite people on earth, so I always look forward to spending time with him. I am blessed that he is so generous with his time and will make the trip down to Virginia and share mom with us (he gifted her the trip, so technically she is his this time around). I'm so very fortunate to have such a wonderful family - something I give thanks for with every prayer I say, because at the end of the day, it's not about a clean house or a fancy table... it's about family and love and gratitude - that is the real meaning of Thanksgiving. And this year, I will be giving thanks for every single minute I have with the people I love and cherish so very much. And our dogs... because they are part of our family too!

Project Wall Hanging

About a week ago, I fell down the stairs - all thirteen of them... face first, right into a window. Since then, my back has been acting up - okay, it hurts... really bad. Today I'm on a heating pad. Yesterday I was down flat. This has been the cycle for an entire week - heating pad, down flat, heating pad, down flat. So while I give my back a rest, I thought I would share some pictures of what I was doing before I fell down the stairs: Project Wall Hanging. I finished these quilts before I was down for the count. Now I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the muscle spasms go away in time for me to clean up the mess that this project created in my house, which currently looks like a fabric store gone bad.

This is a picture of the wall hangings I made to give to my family on Thanksgiving day. I made three of these and I will mail my sister's gift to her since she won't be able to join us for Thanksgiving dinner. My thinking is that by giving the wall hangings as early Christmas presents it will allow the recipients the opportunity to incorporate them into their holiday decor, that way, they can enjoy the gift for the entire holiday season. The finished size of each wall hanging is 22"x28".

The pattern I used was from a company called Art to Heart. This company has all sorts of great projects and patterns for those who enjoy applique quilting. Note to my sewing friends who have not tried their hand at applique quilting: it is so much fun! You are missing out on a very versatile method of quilting if you haven't yet tried this style. In fact, it is my favorite thing to sew because it allows me the opportunity to use my decorative stitches.

Last month while at the quilt show I stopped to see a demonstration using sewing machine feet that were universal for all machines (these are the feet used by Mattel to make Barbie clothes!). The gal demonstrating these accessories was doing all sorts of amazing things with her sewing machine. Things like sewing on pearls and yarn and finishing edges with teeny-tiny stitches... and she made it look so easy. Well, being the easily influenced girl that I am, I ended up buying those feet. I also purchased her demonstration in class format on a DVD. And I bought the training manual that went with it. Yep. These purchases set me back a pretty penny. But you know what? I later took the time to do the classwork in my home. And I now use those feet and the manual all the time. These feet were the best investment I have made this year! For the first time ever, I was able to make professional looking napkins for my Thanksgiving table using the satin edge foot. Below is a picture of the additional Thanksgiving placemats and napkins I made to go with the fall placemats I made in October.

The name of this product is Creative Feet. For those interested in these accessories, I highly recommend purchasing the demonstration DVD and the training manual to supplement your purchase. Without the visual demonstration and the manual, I would not be able to utilize the feet to their full potential. But with the combination of all three items, I have been able to take my sewing to a whole new level. I truly believe that the Creative Feet have helped me utilize my sewing machine the way it was meant to be used (but that I was not adept enough to do without the aid of these feet).

Here is a close up of the edges of the napkins - I used the satin edge foot and a regular zig zag stitch:

Enough about sewing. I have one more fun thing to share. Last week I received the Vera Bradley holiday catalog in the mail. I don't carry a Vera Bradley purse, but I love the totes and accessories. My favorite VB products are the eyeglasses case and the cell phone wristlet and I've yet to find another company that makes these in so many styles and colors. And then there is my Alyssa - she is all about Vera Bradley products - she would have one of everything if her budget allowed, so the catalog was more than welcome in my home; I planned to get a head start on some Christmas shopping as I sat down to browse the pages. Little did I know that I would find something fun for myself! This is the picture of my new tote style purse. It is made out of rain slicker fabric, which to my knowledge is new to the Vera Bradley line. The color is called Symphony in Hue. And carrying this tote is a dream. It lies flat against my side and it holds everything I need and more, including a book and my little camera. I love my new purse!

I did end up buying a darling Christmas tree ornament to give to Alyssa, which helped alleviate the guilt I had from spending money on myself this close to Christmas. When I showed Jeff the purse, he thought it was great because 1) it won't get dirty during the winter, and 2) I haven't purchased a new purse in over two years and he knows that when I find one I like, I use it forever.

I like to say that I work hard and I play harder. But right now, I am not doing a dang thing other than resting my back - so no work and less play. I am so bored. I really hope my back is well enough for driving by tomorrow because I need to get ready for my company (and I want to use my new purse again). But the good news is: Project Wall Hanging is complete. When I hurt my back, I had doubts that I would be able to finish the wall hangings before Thanksgiving, so it comes as a pleasant, but painful, surprise that I met my deadline with days to spare. And now I can begin the much anticipated countdown of "Mom comes to dinner!"

Old games, out of control crochet, and a stack of books.

When Alyssa and John were little, they used to receive a handheld game in their Christmas stockings every year. This was before the days of Gameboy and Nintendo DS - clear back to when a battery operated game was considered to be the latest and greatest thing on earth. I would start looking for the perfect handheld games in October because the games became part of our holiday traditions, and heaven forbid if Santa didn't add a new game to the stockings. Over the years Santa even found a little battery operated Battle Ship and a little tiny battery operated Simon. One of our favorite mini-games was the teeny-tiny Bop-It that fit in the palm of your hand (it was so cute!). After several years of giving the handheld games, technology took a giant leap and the original Milton Bradley battery operated games were replaced by much fancier battery operated toys like Gameboy and Nintendo DS - these cost nearly four times the cost of the MB games, and were not nearly as indestructible as the simple games we started out with. 

Several months ago, I was looking for something and I stumbled across all our old handheld games. Surprisingly, they still worked. Even more surprising was that after fifteen years, we still have all those games. But the most surprising thing of all was that the games were actually where they were supposed to be: in the game cupboard! Bonus for me that my all-time favorite game, Yahtzee, was in the box. Since since then, I have played Yahtzee every single day. I keep the game right next to my television remote control, and I sneak in a game or two (or five or ten) during the television commercials. Jeff laughs at me because I love Yahtzee so much. But the thing is: Yahtzee is still fun, and I'm not one to set aside something that is fun just because it is old.

Something else I do while watching television is crochet. Sometimes I crochet just to be doing something because I can never just sit and look at the television - it makes me feel guilty. I blame this self-imposed guilt on my mother because she never just sat - her hands were always busy. So to alleviate the guilt, I have found that if my hands are busy it doesn't bother me at all to sit for hours on end glued to the TV. Thus, the crochet hook and yarn because I like TV! But since I don't always have a crochet project in the works, I often find myself throwing together a kitchen dishcloth or two. The reason I share this is because my kitchen dishcloth habit is getting out of hand. Last month I gave away 20 of the dishcloths. The month before that I gave away 10, and the month before that I gave away even more. I'm running out of people to give these things too, but I can't seem to stop making them. Currently, I'm looking at a stash of about 40 dishcloths... and I bought more yarn last week because perish the thought of running out of yarn. 

Changing the subject since talking about my dishcloth obsession is making me feel a little out of control.

Books. Let's talk about books. I was unable to attend my book club meeting this month because I took a tumble down the stairs and have been struggling with neck and back pain. I told the girls in my book club that book club Tuesdays are jinxed for me - every time the second Tuesday of the month rolls around, something comes up and I have to scramble to make it to the meetings. I've missed the last two meetings, so I haven't talked about books for a long time. Next month it is my turn to select, and I really hope the jinx is gone by then.

This is a picture of the short stack of books I've recently read. I removed the not-so-great books from the stack since I don't like recommending the so-so stuff. Therefore, if it is shown in the picture, that means I liked the book well enough to pass along. I can't pick a favorite from the stack because I enjoyed them all.

There are a couple of books missing from this stack because I loaned them out. The first missing title is The Thirteenth Tale, by Dianne Setterfield. It is her debut novel and I could not put the book down. I LOVED IT! The following review pretty much sums up how I felt about the The Thirteenth Tale:

"This book was a spectacular read! I have read Rebecca, Jane Eyre, and Wuthering Heights and loved them all. The Thirteenth Tale is as good if not better than all of those classics. It is impossible to put down once you are drawn into Vida Winter's tale and it is impossible not to feel the shivers down your spine with the flitting ghost that always seems to be in the background of both the story and your own mind. It twists and turns, leaving you guessing and needing to know more. And it leaves you hanging on until the very last page, literally. It is definitely worth the reading and I can't wait until Setterfield publishes her next novel."

The second book that is missing from the stack is titled Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet, by Jamie Ford. This is the book I have selected for book club next month. I was fascinated by the history and the story told by Mr. Ford. I'm anxious to discuss this with my book club friends. Here is a video tour of the hotel and its history:

So that's that - a few of the things I do when I'm not sewing. As I age, I find myself becoming more and more of a homebody. And I think the reason for this is because I can always find ways to amuse myself regardless of whether those things are cool or fashionable or in keeping up with the times. As long as I have some books, some yarn, and a game or two, I'm happy... just don't take away my sewing machine or my television, because those are two things I could not live without (and my iPod - I would miss my iPod!).

It Boggles

I was boggled, but now I'm not. Which is a very poor explanation of where I went for all those weeks and months, but that is how I look at it. Every day for the past month I've woke up and said to myself, "Self, you need to write on the blog today." And every day for the past month, I've procrastinated because I was boggled.

Here's the deal:

• I was boggled about the redundancy of Facebook and blogging since most of what I post on the blog is now shared in brief status updates on Facebook, and most people who read this blog are my Facebook friends (well, not my mom - she doesn't Facebook, and of course she reads my blog... she's nice that way). But with the exception of my mom, who wants to see my pictures twice and read about things more than once?
• I was also boggled about how to be myself without crossing the line of sharing things regarding my teenagers that they would not want me to share - although what they do most certainly affects me in a direct way. And I strongly feel that because their actions affect me, I have every right to talk about those things. Still, it's a conundrum.
• Additionally, I was boggled because I just can't seem to figure out how much to share and what to keep to myself, because the truth is: I don't like to sugarcoat things and I could never pretend to be someone I'm not - that's just not my nature. But the question remains, "Do I want strangers to know this stuff about me?"
• And finally, I was boggled because I wondered if maybe my blogging days had run their course now that my kids are almost grown up. I mean, really... who wants to read about boring me all the time? Seriously, all I do is worry about teenagers or celebrate their lives. And if I am not doing that, I'm crafting, which really isn't all that exciting unless you are me and find great joy in playing with fabric and yarn.

So that was the boggle in a nutshell. However, I have recently heard from a handful of people (okay, eight people to be exact) saying that they miss my blog. And so I figure if there are eight people who really want to know what is going on in my life, I am more than willing to share because the truth of the matter is, I miss my blog because it is a written journal of who I am, who I want to be, and what I am doing along the way.

So here I am. It feels kind of weird to be writing again. I think I've lost my groove. I know I lost my password because it took me forever to log in. I hope I remember how to do this.

Before I go any further, I want to share a favorite picture from my adolescent years:

I recently learned that my friend Alison Jones Kennedy passed away suddenly due to a heart attack caused by a virus. (Alison is in the back row on the right. I am in the back row on the left.) My heart aches with the loss of such a beautiful person, and I am still struggling with the reality that Alison is no longer on this earth. My prayers are with her two young daughters, Madeleine and Gabrielle. It is for them that I weep the most.

Last week as I scanned photos for the memorial service, I felt the pull of home - my childhood home - that place where all the memories of my youth reside. I now live far away from that home, and although I have created a home in Virginia, my heart will always be in Washington with my family and childhood friends. Throughout the week I corresponded with the people who helped shape the woman I've grown to be, and I felt such a longing to be with them because, as my friend Rick said, "we grew up in a movie and the kind of childhood we had cannot be found anymore." He is right. We had an idyllic childhood and only now, as adults, do we fully appreciate how lucky we were to grow up together wrapped in a cocoon of innocence and joy. We were the lucky few, and we do not take that for granted. Our friend Alison was a integral part of our youth and she will always be remembered as the girl who touched lives with her inner beauty, shared her generosity of spirit, and painted the world with her artistic nature. Rest in peace sweet Alison.

Now I will paint my blog with some of my recent colorful creations. I'm not the artist that Alison was (and boy was she talented), but I muddle my way through as I continue to play with fabric every day.

This summer I made my first two baby quilts. I gifted them to two of my scrapping friends - one who had a baby girl, and the other whose toddler had open heart surgery. I've not made baby quilts before (well, I did make one when I was expecting Alyssa, but that was so long ago that it seems like a dream). Making baby quilts is fun! There is something about making a warm cuddly for a little person that just makes me smile. Here are snapshots of the two little people quilts I made:

I also designed a my first circle pattern to use as a centerpiece for my kitchen table. Figuring out how to create a perfect circle was a real challenge and I was quite pleased that after much trial and error I actually figured out how to do this:

 

And of course I had to make more Greek letters for Alyssa. She has now come up with the brilliant idea of ordering Vera Bradley cloth napkins so that we can use the fabric to make the letters. All of the girls in her sorority now want Vera Bradley letters and I have an on-going list of orders coming in. The Vera Bradley letters are shown in the tee-shirt on the right:

In October I attended a quilt show (I went two days in a row, because one day was not enough!). While there, I found all sorts of nifty things to make. This is one of the quick quilt patterns that I purchased. The three panel mini quilts can be switched out with the seasons. I made the autumn scene first. Next up is JOY for Christmas and then I want to design a heart themed pattern for Valentine's Day. I've discovered that making my own patterns is almost as fun as sewing:

 

And now it is the end of fall, which means it is time for my annual holiday sewing spree. I am in the process of making three Merry Christmas wall hangings to give to my extended family units as Christmas gifts. The only glitch is that I need to have these completed by Thanksgiving so that they can be used during the holidays (I plan to give them to my mom and sister-in-law on Thanksgiving day when they are here to celebrate. Yes, you heard that right! My mom will be here for Thanksgiving, and if you know me at all, you have to know that I am over the moon excited for this rare event). I'm making progress, but still not done - this project is far bigger than I ever imagined. But the challenge has been good for me and the results are turning out quite nice.

 

Note that in this picture I am wearing gloves. John took the picture because he could not believe that I wore "Michael Jackson" gloves when I sewed. The reason I wear the gloves is because they have grippers on the fingertips and they help me rotate the fabric without having it bunch up. I LOVE my Michael Jackson gloves, but I will admit that I really do look like a dork when I wear them. Since this picture was taken I have gotten my hair cut - which really does help alleviate some of the dork factor.

So there you have it. My life in a nutshell. Alyssa is still attending George Mason University. She started her first student teaching this semester and loves it even more than she imagined. John is a senior at DHS and we have managed to dodge the H1N1 virus with the help of Tamiflu (my security blanket - thank God for a doctor who believes in preventative measures). So far this year we have done the senior picture thing, the homecoming thing, and the SAT thing. And all I can say about that is Alyssa was much easier than John because she took charge of these details; all I had to do was pay. With John, I am having to be a lot more "hands on" when it comes to the finite details of senior life. But, because I am well aware that each of these events is a "last time" experience for me, I am cherishing every single opportunity I have to spend time with my son. 

Back to the boggle - it wasn't so bad, which is apparent in the length of this post, which leaves me wondering why I allowed myself to be boggled in the first place.

My Simple Life

Summertime, and the living is easy. I wish this was something I could say every single day. Yet the truth is, life gets in the way and we often forget to just sit back and relax.

But relax is exactly what we have been doing for the past several days - and I've got to admit: it has been wonderful.

It all started when Jeff asked me to join him on a trip to the Home Depot - not my idea of a great date, and definitely not something on my "relaxing" agenda, which included reading, reading, and more reading. But once we got to the Home Depot, we had a lot of fun. The intention was to pick out some new hanging flower pots for our deck.... we ended up not with flowers at all, but instead, with new deck furniture - and that is when the relaxing really began. As far as dates go, our trip to the Home Depot rates right up there!

I wanted to keep my Adirondack gliding chairs because 1) they are comfortable and outdoorsy, and 2) they were an anniversary gift that I gave to Jeff eight years ago, thus, they have sentimental value in spite of their lack of flair and style. What we decided was to work around the Adirondack chairs by adding to the seating with a casual grouping that would be inviting but not too fancy (we are not really fancy folks). What we now have is, in my opinion, as close to perfection as I had ever hoped for: seating for six, with a mix of the old and the new.

From the moment we unloaded the furniture (an adventure in and of itself because we had to rent the Home Depot truck and unload everything ourselves), things just got better and better. All of the following pictures were taken from our deck over a period of three days:

It never ceases to amaze me that although we live in a subdivision in the suburbs there are always wild animals in our vicinity. We see fox, deer, hedgehogs, raccoon, rabbits, skunks (not my favorite animal - and there are a LOT of skunks around here), turtles, and all sorts of other creatures great and small. Since I will always be a farm girl at heart, it delights me when I am able to watch the animals.  And clearly, I get a kick out of taking pictures of them at every opportunity. I only wish I was better at photography and that I would be more prepared because usually, by the time I run in the house and grab my camera, the animals have disappeared. Well... not the turtle... those things move slow as all get out and I could take naps during their road crossing tendencies.

When we lived in Washington state, opossum were a common sight. I can't say that I miss them, because I don't - I find opossum to be rather creepy and really ugly (although as a child, I actually tried to take a baby opossum in and make a pet out of it - the opossum was MEAN and when we took it with us in a shoe box on a car ride to my best friend Darci's house, it got out of the shoe box and chewed the holy heck out of the upholstery in their car. Nasty things, those opossums!). Another animal that was a current sighting in Washington state was the black bear - these bear were not large, they were just chubby creatures who lumbered along. Since we've moved to Virginia, I have yet to see a bear or any kind - and I do miss the bear (sorry, Mom, I know you have all kinds of bears by your house and that they wreck havoc with the trash and whatnot, but I still miss them and I'm hoping to see a whole lot of bears the next time I visit).

To end this meandering, wandering, relaxing, nothing entry, I include a final picture of my hibiscus plants in full bloom. I'm a bit insulted that the hummingbirds are not in the least bit interested in these plants - they won't even stick their nose inside a single flower - I've made it far to easy for them to get their food for free and without effort. But in spite of the fact that the hibiscus were purchased to lure the birds, I am enjoying the multiple new blooms that appear each and every day. And now that I have my comfy, cushy new deck furniture, I will be spending even more time outside enjoying the hibiscus, the hummingbirds, the deer, my dogs, and what really has become my simple life.

Birthday Bashes: Alyssa turns 19 and Fiskars is 360 years old!

Every parent says it: "Where does the time go?" I've been asking myself this question since the day Alyssa turned thirteen - that golden age of transition. Six years later, a few harrowing moment, a lot of wonderful memories, and at least a million "I love yous,"  she turned nineteen - that wonderful age of almost there... almost an adult... almost done with the business of growing up. And still I ask, "Where did the time go?" Because as I see it, she's so close to being there - the adult she so wants to be.

As we celebrated her nineteenth birthday yesterday, I was on an emotional roller-coaster - smiling one moment, and crying the next. The smile was my joy - the joy of who she was and who she has become. The tears were because I was remembering the day she was born, and although it was almost two decades ago, it remains one of my favorite lifetime moments. I kept thinking about how tiny she was that long ago day. And I remembered feeling so helpless as the doctor placed her in my arms; I remembered the overwhelming feeling of love that encompassed my entire being; and I remembered thinking she is my reason for life. And as I recalled all those emotions, I realized that I still feel helpless as a mother, and that overwhelming feeling of love that encompassed my soul - it has only grown stronger. So I guess the tears were joyful, in spite of my constant desire for a do-over because, as I've said many times before, I'm still not ready to say good-bye to my baby girl.

We didn't have a birthday party for Alyssa this year (she said she was too old for that), but we did honor her day by making a special birthday dinner, eating a beautiful cake, and taking the annual birthday photos.

As Alyssa was reviewing the options for her special dinner menu, John, Jeff and I were all holding our breath with anticipation because she is now a vegetarian (Jeff calls her Edgy the Veggie), and the rest of us are still meat eaters. Some of the things she comes up with are not our idea of "celebratory" meals! This year, she decided on Ratatouille. None of us have ever eaten Ratatouille, but it sure is fun to say! And once Jeff put it together (based upon a recipe she provided), we all decided that it looks really pretty on the grill. In the end, it was a delightful celebration dinner. Thankfully, Jeff added some chicken for John and me because we tend to like our protein in the form of meat. We also like cake - thankfully, we all agree on that since no animals were killed in the process <--- yes, we hear this speech a lot, and she is doing a pretty good job of swaying each of us to begin thinking her way, but I doubt any of us will ever have the passion for the subject that she has come to find. Go Alyssa... passion is good!

Here are the pictures from the celebration meal and the annual photo shoot - it was a good day all the way around!

And now... let's talk about Fiskars! The company is 360 years old this year. Amazing! Lucky me, as one of the Nifty Fifty Fiskateers I had the opportunity to work with one of the Lead Fiskateers, Wendy Jo Avey, at the GASC Crop Party last weekend where we celebrated everything Fiskars. It was a wave of orange all the way around and I had the time of my life meeting new friends and sharing the Fiskars love. It doesn't get much better than that when it comes to working an event (I don't even think of it as work when it is that much fun).

We began the evening by giving away Fiskars products to everyone who attended the crop. Almost every single person had at least one Fiskars tool in their crop bag, and it was clear to see that crafters the world over love Fiskars products:


After the general give-away, Wendy Jo held drawings and gave away products to the Fiskateers who were in attendance. We managed to get a nice group photo after everyone ogled their new goodies:


And to complete the GASC Fiskars Birthday Bash, we ate cake, because... really... no birthday party is complete without cake!


I like cake! Alyssa's cake, Fiskars cake, any kind of cake. Cake is good. It makes me happy and says happy birthday like nothing else. And so although I have no more cake to eat, I once again wish a happy birthday to my special daughter, and a very happy 360th year to Fiskars.

Cheers!

~ back in the saddle again ~

It feels like putting on a favorite pair of old shoes - comfortable, familiar, and oh-so right. That's where I'm at, because for the first time in a year, I will return to doing what I know best: working in the craft industry. Not writing, not designing (I've been doing that all along), but actually working with the owners, the vendors and the consumers - in person, up close, and for real at a convention. Bonus for me since I will be reunited with my friends from Luxe during the day, and I will get to put on my orange cowboy hat to work with my friends at Fiskars in the evening.

When I was first contacted to do the work, I felt like a poser... I mean... really... I've not done this for over a year, and during that time, I've completely stepped away from everything and anything industry related. I've become so consumed with raising the child I have left at home - health scares, home-bound schooling, grades, bad decisions, court appearances, and then making it all right - I forgot how to focus on me and I had forgotten how to do what I know best, because I am the first to admit that parenting teens is NOT what I do best... I do MY best, but I do not excel at the task. Because whether I admit or ignore it, crafting is what I know inside and out. It's in my blood. It defines who I am more so than anything else on earth. Crafting is my passion and my escape. And I'd forgotten that I need to do this as much as I need to eat and breathe. How could I have let that happen? Life. Life took over, and somewhere along the way I'd lost myself. Funny thing: I didn't even know I'd gone missing!

For the past month, I've stressed over the jobs: will I fit in? Will I remember how to work a booth? Will I do right by the companies I'm working with? Will I make a fool of myself? Will people remember me? But then something happened on the way to this weekend... it all came back to me and I went from feeling inadequate to feeling excited and exhilarated. And now that the convention is two short days away, I can honestly say that I am so excited to be back in the saddle again. I can't wait to meet with Luxe and work with the girls. And I am looking forward to seeing fellow Fiskateers. A convention - what better way than a convention to jump back on the horse?

As I reminisce about what I used to do and what I will be doing again, I am reminded that old friends and new friends are what I miss the most about the work. People. I miss the people who share my love of crafting. These are people who understand the passion, and because these people share that passion... we all have the same burning desire to make pretty things as we create works of heart.

And so for those in the northern Virginia area who will be attending the Great American Scrapbook Convention at the Chantilly Expo Center... stop by, say hello! I'll be at the Luxe booth during the day and with the Fiskateers during the crop.

And for those whom I've worked with in the past and whom I hope to work with again, I've missed you, dear friends. I got lost for a while, but I'm finding my way back. I'm back in the saddle again - and I hope to see ya'll soon!

Fiskars Crafts Summer School Give-Away Winners...

Fiskars Crafts Summer School classes are such a great way to learn something new during the lazy days of summer. I am finding that every class is unique and inspirating. To all those who took on the challenge and tried their hand with the sewing machine applique class - I hope you had fun!

In relation to the applique class offered at Summer School, today is the day that the winners of the give away are announced. And so without further ado, I will do just that. Thank you to everyone who took the time to sign up for the drawing.

To keep things official and organized, I wrote down all the names on little cards. I then placed the cards inside a basket and shuffled them all around.


After placing the names in the basket, I drew out one name for the first project in the class. Congratulations to Kasey for winning the apron!


The next drawing was for the second project featured in the class. Congratulations to Colleen for winning the summer tote!


The final drawing was for the Fourth of July kitchen set which includes two kitchen towels and four cloth napkins. Congratulations to Janeal for winning the holiday collection.

These three lucky winners will be notified via email and the project packages will be sent out in the next few days.

Thank you, again, for joining in on the fun - happy summer crafting!

 

The Hummingbirds

Last week we saw all kinds of stormy weather in Virginia, which did nothing to energize my soul, but did everything for the flowers on my deck. After the rains ended, one of my hibiscus plants went crazy with blooms (the other hibiscus seems to have a dormant state of mind - it is a stubborn plant and I've not seen a bloom on it since the first week). And so when the sun finally came out, I decided to bribe the hummingbirds: I moved the hibiscus plants directly under the feeder, hoping to lure the birds to my deck. Prior to and during the rain the feeder had not seen any action - so Jeff suggested that I replace the nasty water, which was a great idea considering that upon close inspection, the water had nasty crud floating in it. Note to self: sugar water must be changed weekly.

I realize that in the grand scheme of life, hibiscus plants and hummingbirds are pretty low on the list of exciting things. But for me, these are always a highlight of my summer - so on my list, they rate right up there. On Sunday, I decided to go on a bird watch. I took my book, my cushy seat cover, and two cameras out on the deck and I waited. And waited. And waited. I was almost ready to give up when all of a sudden... HUMMERS! We had more birds come to visit than I could keep track of. It was thrilling, and so worth the wait.

The following pictures were taken using my Pentax DSLR and my 70-300mm zoom lens (I had to get out the big stuff for this project!). I set the shutter on the auto click setting (I have no idea what that setting is called... it's the one where you push it down and it clicks over and over again), and then I focused the frame using the portrait setting to blur out the background. From there, I just waited for the birds to show up while I had the camera stuck to my eyeball (and yes, I am well aware of the fact that I am a dork to spend an entire afternoon looking through a camera lens waiting for a hummingbird sighting).

These are my three favorite photos:

 

Since Sunday, my deck has seen a ton of hummers. I can now sit at my kitchen table and watch them right up until dark. There is a breed of this bird that is turquoise in color. One summer, that breed was a constant companion. So far this summer, I've only seen one. So now my new goal is to get a picture of the turquoise hummingbird. I have no idea whether I will have the patience to wait and watch with a camera all summer long, but I might... it will depend on the weather (must be good) and my energy level (must be low) - two things that have to be in sync for the kind of patience that would be required for such a shot. The ideal photo would be of the turquoise hummingbird inside a peach hibiscus bloom - but I realize that is setting my goals a little high; I am not a good photographer, nor do I have the kind of patience that may be required to capture that shot. However, if some odd stroke of luck occurs, I will be sure to post the picture. Heck, if I were to get a picture of that, I would probably have it enlarged and framed just so that I could enjoy the beauty for the rest of my days.

To be honest, I really don't like birds at all. But these hummingbirds literally take my breath away. They truly enhance my summer days with their beauty and fragility. And in the grand scheme of my life - pretty things and beautiful flowers are very high on the list of things that make me smile.

a good change is always the best kind of change there is

My teenagers have informed me that they no longer want me to write about them on my blog. This has been a dilemma for me, in that without writing about them, I have a severe shortage of topics. I've tried to honor their requests as best as I can, but I've found it difficult not to incorporate the mothering part of myself into this on-going documentation of my life. Finally, I told them that I would compromise.... we'll see how I do. *sigh* I suppose this is yet another stepping stone in parenting my almost adult children.

That said, I feel compelled to post an update on my wayward son, who has made such an effort to straighten out his life. I think that it is only fair to him that I share the good after so openly sharing the ugly details of his mistakes.

In the past few months, John has made every effort to improve his failing grades - and he's managed to bring them all up to high C's and B's', which hasn't been easy considering he had let them slide for so long, in addition to having the disadvantage of being home-bound for the first half of the school year, which caused a huge brouhaha in the grading system for his teachers once he returned to school. What looked to be a year of failure has turned into a year of success, and for that I am both proud and grateful. The credit goes to John because he took it upon himself to find the inner strength and determination to turn things around.

Regarding the subject of the misdemeanor drug charge and court appearance - John appeared in court on June 1. The charge was suspended and he was given 24 hours of community service. Once he completes the community service, the charge will be dropped. Since that date, John has been staying after school and he has performed community service daily. By the end of this week, his community service hours will be fulfilled. Again, the credit goes to John for taking the bull by the horns and working with the school to arrange service hours. His completion date was set for August 1st, but by jumping in and trying to put it behind him, he will be done by June 17. I never said a word about this... telling him only that he had to figure it out and get it done. His aggressive plan of attack is paying off and he not only will get it done, but he will have done so with dignity and a positive attitude.

And finally, the puzzle picture above - John has begun to spend a lot more time at home doing things that are a whole lot healthier than drugs. One day last week, he started digging through my closets and rummaging around in odd places. When I finally asked him what the heck he was doing in "my stuff," he told me that he was looking for puzzles. Since then, he and Taylor have become puzzle maniacs. I will admit that I have some pretty cool puzzles because I usually buy them when I travel around the country, so they are mostly historical in nature and replications of true artistry. Currently, John and Taylor are working on the Oregon Trail puzzle. Next in line is the Lewis and Clark puzzle (there you go... my Pacific Northwest roots are showing!). This afternoon, Alyssa came upstairs and said, "Mom, I don't think you need to keep checking on Taylor and John every minute because all they ever do is puzzles." I had to laugh, and then I let out a HUGE sigh of relief - puzzles are such a better sight than kissing and cuddling - because, yes, that's what parents of teenagers often see, and it is very disconcerting. However, I've not seen kissing and cuddling since the puzzles came out. My sense of relief is undeniable.

Sometimes, good kids make bad choices - I've seen it happen time and time again, and it always breaks my heart. But when it happened with my own child, I didn't think I could bear the burden. The stress, the anguish, and the worry were so beyond my realm of reality that I didn't know how to begin to make this right. I soon discovered that all I knew how to do was go with my gut instinct, and my gut told me that the best approach should be first and foremost love. Admittedly, I had anger, but the love I have for this child overrode any anger I felt, and so that is where I began, and that is how I was able to find strength.

In hindsight, I can honestly say that I was not the only one to draw strength from my love - I think that John sensed my unconditional love in a way that allowed him to find his own inner strength. And in this situation, his inner strength was the only thing that would correct the mistake and change his ways. Mommy gut. That's what I call it. There is something to be said about "just knowing" even though it doesn't make sense and may not seem the right avenue to take at the time. I'm so glad that I listened to my Mommy gut, because, once again, it has served me well.

My sincere hope is that the changes I see in John are part of a growth process that continues through the years. Currently, he is worried that he will not regain the respect and trust from those adults whom he so greatly admires - teachers, neighbors, and parents of his friends. My only advice to him is to continue doing what he is doing - that being working hard and respecting himself - because I truly believe that self respect goes a long way towards earning the respect of others. I also know that John is a good kid... he made a mistake, and now he's making it right. And at the end of the day, that is all any parent can ask for because a good change is always the best kind of change there is.

Fiskars Give-away, John's Prom, the Internet, and Stormy Weather <---- in no particular order and totally unrelated!

This weekend I discovered something new about myself: I am hopelessly addicted to the internet. The realization occurred while we were without internet connection for two days. I felt lost... helpless... out of touch... out of sorts... and most of all... out of patience. What makes me laugh is that two days later Verizon continues to call us with a recorded message saying that they are still working on the problem. Okay. Thanks. The "problem" was corrected on Monday. But we appreciate the interruption three times a day - NOT (talk about lack of communication within a company).

As soon as our internet was back up and running, I did a little happy dance <--- yes, I have one of those and, in fact, several of my friends have actually seen me do the happy dance. My kids, on the other hand, despise the dorky dance, and so I try to limit my antics to times when they are not within the viewing area. It was too bad that immediately following my happy dance, a big storm rolled in with a whole lot of thunder and a little bit of lightening. I quickly unplugged the computer, not wanting a power surge to mess up my recent rekindling of the love affair I have with internet connection. I fear my happy dance may now be referred to as a rain dance since that is what it brought on in full force.

Things seem to have calmed down now, which means all is once again well in my world and I can proceed as planned, albeit four days behind schedule.

So first things first: for the past few weeks I've been working on a project for Fiskars on-line Summer School program. This week, I am the guest designer on the site and the class is up and ready to go. And so for anyone who has ever wanted to try their hand at sewing machine applique on small scale projects, this class is for you: Applique with Fiskars Templates.

In addition to the class at Fiskars, I am also offering my own promotional give-away of the featured projects. The class includes instructions for applique on a denim apron, a medium sized tote, and a festive Fourth of July kitchen collection that includes decorative towels and cloth napkins - these three finished projects are the items I will be giving away via a drawing. To sign up for the drawing, just leave a comment on this post including your real name and true email address (I need to be able to contact the winners via correct information). On Wednesday of next week, June 17, I will draw three names and will announce the winners here on the blog. So that gives you a full week to try your hand at applique as well as to spread the word about Fiskars Summer School classes and this drawing. I hope you enjoy the projects as much as I enjoyed making them!

And finally, another year, another teenager, another prom. These proms just do me in. There is so much behind the scenes work that goes into getting a teenager ready for their prom. With Alyssa, it was much easier (but far more expensive) because she is a take charge kind of girl and did everything on her own. But with John, things are different. I swear - boys are so weird. They just don't care about dances as much as girls do. I had to do everything from picking out the tuxedo (he wasn't interested in looking at the book), to buying the tickets (he almost forgot), to ordering the corsage the night before (his girlfriend reminded me), to printing out directions to the prom (once they got to dinner, they realized they didn't know how to get to the prom). Seriously... it wore me out. But the truth is, I wouldn't give it up for the world and I am well aware that my days with this child are short. And so although it wears me out and does me in, I cherish every single moment that he still allows me to participate in his life.

Following are a few of the pictures taken before the Prom. I was only able to take a handful of pictures because, again, boys are weird and they just want to get on with the show. But the pictures I took are priceless to me, and in the end, that is what matters:

One more year... I only have one more year of being a "prom mom." My hope is that my children's recollections of high school and their proms are every bit as wonderful as mine are because the best things I have done in my life are named Alyssa and John, and Prom Night for John is one more treasured memory I now have to add to the corner of my heart that is reserved for everything wonderful and special.

Memorial Day Memories and Traditions

When I was growing up, I was surrounded by extended family. I was as close to my aunts, uncles and cousins as I was to my own siblings. We did everything together because my mom had two sisters and they raised us as one, big, happy family. It was such a fun way to be raised, and it has given me hundreds upon hundreds of memories.

This old photo was one of the last pictures taken before my grandmother passed away - it shows all the gang at the beach. The cabin porch we were sitting on still stands. In fact, my mom now lives right across the street from this cabin, and the kids in the picture who were babies are now grown up and have families of their own. This weekend the baby in the picture, Luke, is staying in the cabin with his own children. His mom and dad are there too, staying in the cabin next door. It is a tradition for my entire family to gather at the beach on all holidays, and although I participated in the tradition when I lived in Washington state, I have not been to the beach on a Memorial Day for the past seventeen years. To say that I get very homesick during the holiday would be putting it mildly, especially considering that everyone is still holding fast to what has become a tradition passed down through the generations.

The good news is that this year my brother started a Memorial Day Weekend tradition of our own. It's only been a few months that I've had extended family located on the east coast near me - I still get giddy when we see each other. And so when my brother, Lon, called and asked if we would like to go to a Washington Nationals baseball game to kick off the weekend, I couldn't have been more excited. This is the first Memorial Day Weekend in seventeen years that I have spent with family. And because I am a sentimental fool, little things like this mean a lot to me.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and so without further ado, I present a pictorial recap of our weekend. We had so much fun, and for the first time in many years, I can honestly say that I am not homesick. I still miss my cousins and the gang, but it doesn't hurt quite as much when I am spending time with my brother who shares the same childhood memories.

Memorial Day Weekend in review:

We rode the metro to the ball field. Alyssa is the metro pro, so she had to help me figure out how to buy tickets for six!

After a metro ride and a mile walk, we finally arrived at the ballpark.

Here we go - it's game time!

Since Debbie and I had the cameras, we had to take pictures of ourselves!

This is the view from our seats - we had GREAT seats!

And finally, a picture my brother and me, along with a picture of Buddy kissing his girlfriend, Sophie - he loves her to excess... but she still ignores him and continues to play hard to get.

 

I still get homesick on the holidays, but I have come to discover that making my own traditions is the best way to move on. It's taken me many years to come to this realization... maybe I was holding on too tightly to the old traditions? But now that Lon and Debbie live on the east coast, things are looking up. And at the end of the day, it doesn't matter that it's taken me seventeen years to figure it out - what matters is that I've finally done so and we are now making our own memories and traditions.

Happy Memorial Day to those I love. And to my cousins at the beach: I hope you had a grand time playing in the sand, riding the bikes, eating bbq, and sitting around the campfire. You are in my thoughts this weekend - I love you and miss you.

My new love with Cover Girl products!

I've always said that I like pretty things - I enjoy surrounding myself with color of every hue, and that includes playing with make up, because make up provides an artist's palette of colors that can be blended and applied in a hundred different ways.

Alyssa has always been fascinated by make up, too. Last week, while looking for an old book, I stumbled across a little photo album that held pictures of days long gone. This one was my favorite discovery - it shows Alyssa's first make up application. She was four years old:

These days, Alyssa is much more adept at make up application. I keep asking her to show me how she does her eyes (she is a pro at blending), but she tells me that the technique is not appropriate for a middle age "mom." Harrumph. I don't appreciate being called middle age, but I do get her point, so I just keep muddling through playing with all the things I have - and believe me, I have a lot of make up!

For some women, shoe shopping is a thrill. For others, clothing shopping makes them happy. And for a lot of my friends, it's purses and handbags that make for a good shopping excursion. But for me, it's the make up. Whenever I am feeling down or blue, or even mad or frustrated, I make a beeline for the make up counter. Cosmetics are such a fun thing to shop for since there is no trying on (thus allowing me to continue to ignore those 8 extra pounds), it always fits (size never matter when looking at eyeshadow or lipstick), and make up is fun to play with once I get home.

I've got a drawer filled with the stuff, and I have yet to decide whether that means I am mad all the time, or if I just have a problem with over-buying make up. Either way, this drawer is Alyssa's favorite drawer in the house. She loves to dig though it and try each and every color. I don't often share my cosmetics, but I've been known to give a lot of them to Alyssa, knowing that she is far more skilled with application than I will ever be.

Note that most of the items in this drawer are Estee Lauder or Bobby Brown products... for you see... unknowingly, I have become a make up snob. It wasn't intentional.... it just happened. And I'm pretty sure the reason it happened is because those are the cosmetic counters that have the most visual appeal when I am on one of my make up extravaganzas.

So what does all this have to do with anything? Well, it has THIS to do about THAT - I've recently made two new cosmetic discoveries. These discoveries are so great that I need to share them with anyone who buys cosmetics - because these discoveries are not for snobs. They are for the everyday girl who just wants to pretty herself up a bit. They are for the girl who is on a budget. They are for the girl who buys her make up at Rite Aid and Target and Walmart. These products are inexpensive, but oh-so-wonderful. These products are for everyone!

How did I find out about these Cover Girl wonders?  Not from shopping, but rather from my other addiction that is known as reality television. Specifically, America's Next Top Model. The show is sponsored by Cover Girl, and last week the models made their season finale Cover Girl commercial (they do this with the end of each cycle, so I've seen my share of Cover Girl products on the show). Last year, they promoted Lash Blast Mascara - THE BEST MASCARA I have ever used, bar none. I love Lash Blast and I will never buy another brand - it was the first drug store cosmetic I had purchased in over fifteen years, and I'm here to say that this is not the Cover Girl product we knew from high school. This is high-end, fabulous, equal to the big names cosmetics.

And so it was that last week I saw another new Cover Girl product unveiled. This time it was a lipstain - NOT to be confused with lipstick, because this lipstain is nothing like lip stick. Yesterday, I put the Outlast Lipstain on at noon. I also applied C.O.Bigelow Menta Lip Shine numerous times throughout the day because I have an obsession with the stuff. The Mentha Shine covered the lipstain, but did not lift it or lighten it. At 5:00 last night, my lips were still stained from just one application at noon! Happy, happy, joy, joy! I don't like lipstick all that much because it always seems to feel gooey on my lips - but with the lipstain... it didn't budge.... not on my teeth... not on the tube of Mentha Shine... and not on my coffee cup or soda can. And the best news was that it didn't feel gooey in the least. I couldn't even tell I had it on. This stuff is a miracle.

Really, I'm just a girl doing the things that girls do: I raise my kids, I tend the dogs, I manage the house, I sew when I find time, I read books and watch t.v. as mindless escape.... and all the while, I want to feel pretty, because as my mom always told me, "Pretty is, is pretty does." And my belief is that pretty comes from the inside out - and if we can find something that works on the outside, it really does help us feel prettier on the inside.

Cover Girl... my new favorite cosmetic company!

Alyssa is home from college, and my heart is singing with joy.

Here is what I saw when I walked into Alyssa's dorm room for the last time of her freshman year:

My first thought was, "hey, she makes her bed!" My second thought was, "WOW! She really did like that rag quilt I made her last summer." And my final thought was, "I'm so glad I surprised her with the gift of the teddy bear and pillow case on Valentines Day - I think she liked the gifts." It made me appreciate that no matter how far away from home she is - she still treasures the small touches that I've made a part of her life for so many years. As a mother, this warmed my heart.

And now... tonight she is home. Her freshman year is complete - she survived, she thrived, and she passed her classes -what more can a mother ask for? She did it on her own with her own determination and self reliance, and I am so very proud of her! Can you hear my heart sing? Can you see me smile? Because that is what I am doing - singing and smiling to the point of wanting to break out in song and dance (I'll wait until everyone goes to bed before I start my happy dance... but, believe me... it's on the agenda before this night is through!). But right now, at this moment in time, I am just enjoying having her home. Talk to me in three months, and I may be singing a different tune, but for now, I'm singing songs of celebration and joy.

After she went to bed tonight (*sigh* all is well in my world knowing that she is tucked in snug under my roof), I wrote on our white board for her to see in the morning:

In the grand scheme of things, it may not be much at all. But in the tradition of our home, it is a really big deal to have the entire white board dedicated to a personal message. I just hope she knows how much it means to all of us to have her home, because I, for one, will go to sleep for the first time in months with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.

I love her... unconditionally, and with every fiber of my being. I'm so happy to say that this mother-love is one of the never-ending constants in my life. And to be completely honest, I find that comforting... it's always there, it never changes, and it is forever a part of who I am.

I like comfort! And so tonight I sing, "Yay and hooray! She's home!"

Weathering the storm, but there was a break in the clouds.

 

This is the gift John gave me on Mother's Day. It is a poem he wrote a few months ago (thus, the original tear-out sheet from his personal notebook). I cried when I read the words, taped to a card he made just for me, because what he offered was more than a gift... it was a glimmer of hope, and it tells me that he is looking beyond his own problems and that he is aware of the mistakes he's made. And so although we are still weathering the storm, for a moment I saw a break in the clouds.

Dear Mom, I don't know why you cry
so many times, so I ask you why.

When I look into your eyes
it's then I see all those tears fell over me
for your fear of losing me.

Mom, I gotta tell the truth,
my love for you goes through the roof.

But you raised me to be a man.
Against all odds, I can tell you that I am.

A few weeks ago, my mom offered some wise advice: she told me that in spite of the difficulties we are having with John, it is important for me to not let those problems consume my every waking hour - because if I were to do that, I would 1) lose myself and begin to resent my son, and 2) give John power to control my life... both things I do not want to see happen. My mom's advice was accompanied with the gentle walking suggestion (which I listened to loud and clear and implemented immediately).

And so in keeping with the theory, "Mother knows best," I decided that I wanted to surround myself with flowers this summer. Flowers are happy things. Flowers are pretty things. Flowers represent growth and beauty. Flowers are good!

Planting flowers sounds simple enough. But for a girl who doesn't enjoy gardening and who would prefer to read a book rather than dig in the dirt, surrounding myself with flowers has become quite a project. The solution to my "I hate gardening" hang up was to use clay pots and plant flowers that could be placed on my deck... the very place where I read my books! It was a win-win all the way around.

When I told Jeff about my flower project, the first thing he did was go out and buy me two hibiscus trees (or are those bushes? I have no clue... because... well... I don't garden). The only thing I know about hibiscus plants is that hummingbirds love them. And although I don't like birds, I do like hummingbirds because they are so delicate.

 

So far, no hummingbirds. But to entice them, Jeff gave me this for Mother's Day:

After we were set up with the hibiscus plants, we ventured to Home Depot to check out the garden center (a place I am not very familiar with). Here are the flowers we decided to plant - we used clay pots that I had stored under our deck, and we recycled the potting soil that Alyssa used last year.

And finally, because I take everything my mom says as the gospel truth, I thought that biking would be a fun thing to do during the summer months. Yesterday, Jeff gave my bicycle a good scrub and a tune up. Here I am taking it for a quick spin before gearing up for our first ride of the season:

I've got to hand it to my mom - she really does know best! And although we are still weathering the storm, following her advice has allowed me to step away from the storm for a few moments at a time, and that has helped me regroup and find a sense of balance.

When all is said and done, sometimes a break in the clouds is just enough to help see us through life's difficult moments. And flowers... flowers make everything better!

PSA for parents of pre-teens and teens - my personal experience

Pre-post note: This is a very serious subject, and my hope is that if even one person who reads this entry learns something new, my mistakes will not be in vain. And because I take this so seriously, I share no photos today, as to not detract from what I have to share. I pray that there are no judgments passed and that this entry is read with the sincere intent in which it is shared.

Court update in a nutshell: Today John had a court appearance to be arraigned for a misdemeanor crime committed by a minor. He now faces trial on June 1st. The judge appointed him a court ordered attorney; she entered a not-guilty plea, in spite of the fact that John told her he was guilty of possession of marijuana. So we take it from here.

A personal note: A sincere and heartfelt thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all of the kind thoughts and prayers that have been said in our behalf. And a special thank you to Heather for texting me while I was waiting in the courtroom hallway close to hysterics, pacing back and forth for two full hours. Heather, I do so love you! Thank you for being my special BFF - you give me so much more than I will ever be able to reciprocate, and for that, I know I am blessed beyond measure.

And more special thank yous to every single person who took precious time out of their busy lives to comment on my last blog entry - you shared your hearts with me, and I was comforted by your words of kindness and support. I read each and every word and was uplifted and encouraged by everything you shared. Your words offered peace in a time of great need, and although I have not responded to your individual messages, I hold them dear to my heart... please know that when you shared your words, you lifted my spirits and gave me much needed courage.

The specifics in more detail: The judge talked to John about how serious the punishment would be if he pleads guilty: fine, community service, possible time served in juvenile detention center, potential expulsion from school, and loss of driver's license. John is prepared to pay the fine; he knows he will have to do community service. The detention center thing sort of blew his mind and scared the bejeevers out of him, as did the expulsion from school. But since John DOESN'T EVEN HAVE HIS DRIVERS PERMIT, let alone a driver's license - that part doesn't faze him. But the judge didn't want him to accept the [potential of] a full penalty without representation of an attorney - which will cost us a freaking fortune - so she entered the not-guilty plea and ordered a trial. Jeff is furious. I'm just sad. John is pretty quiet about it, but I've not really had a chance to talk with him since she gave her ruling. One of the kids who were involved in this whole mess (the driver of the car) didn't even show up! The cop was a no-show, too, and we are wondering if that may have something to do with her ruling?????

My observations after living this nightmare: I write this as the mother of a 17 and 18 year old, and I share my story as my own way of putting it out there by offering a public service announcement in regard to teenagers today, because to be very honest, these are things I did not know until recently. These practices apply to middle school, high school, and college age children, who are our leaders of tomorrow, and our hope for the future. I had no idea these things were happening until this week, and thus, I believe that other parents may be as clueless as I was until my world fell apart. So here you go - my personal experience in all its gory details.

I preface the following by saying emphatically, "Good kids make bad choices. And, although bad choices are often part of growing up, parents need to be aware of the potential mistakes that can be made - whether it be due to peer pressure, depression, spur of the moment decisions, or just plain rite of passage." When we are talking about our own children, ignorance is not bliss. Education is, therefore, the key.

In the last week, I have learned that it is very common for kids to put the alcohol in everyday, common containers and take those common containers to school and to public places. Examples: vodka goes in a water bottle because it is clear, Kahlua goes in a to-go coffee cup because it looks like coffee, and the cool thing known as "puckers" (these are the vibrant colored liquors that are watered down) go in Gatorade bottles because it looks like a sports drink. The kids then openly carry these containers at school, at the mall, at the movie theaters, etc., enabling them to drink alcohol throughout the day. Rarely are they caught because they pass the containers around and they hide them in their backpacks and their purses; often they even don't try to hide them... but rather carry them proudly out in the open as a way to look cool, be cool, and get a buzz. However, the truth is that the kids are drinking these beverages boldly in the hallways of the school, in the public areas of the mall, and in plain sight elsewhere, because the containers actually look like everyday beverages and no one suspects otherwise. This is a BIG problem and it is becoming a very common practice among middle school, high school, and college age students. I had no idea. Now I know. But still... it takes me by surprise.

John's crime was in relation to possession of marijuana. However, the kids he was with when committing this crime were busted for possession of alcohol (vodka in a water bottle tucked inside a girl's purse), and I sincerely believe chances are that when there is one illegal substance, there will be others, and that all illegal substances can lead to a road of [potential] destruction. The kids who smoke pot most certainly hang with the kids who drink. And to believe that one activity is exclusive of the other is equal to hiding a head in the sand. As a parent of two teens, I refuse to hide my head in the sand. My eyes are wide open, and now I have to figure out what to do with this information... and believe me, it's not easy, because this is out of my realm of experience. I'm sort of grasping at straws with this new-found information.

And so I am sharing these things, not to air my dirty laundry, but because today weighs heavy on my mind as I spent an entire morning - 4 long hours - in court with my 17-year-old son who was busted for possession of an illegal substance in January. As I said, today he pleaded guilty, but the judge did not accept his plea and she administered a NOT guilty plea... and so the kicker is that with an impending trial, this is just the beginning of a bad choice that John made back in January.

Trying to do the right thing when this happened, I did punish my son - I didn't allow him to test for his learner's permit, and he lost all "freedom" privileges, including having friends over, going to friends houses and dating. He also lost all source of income from me - I now give him ZERO money. He also has to undergo random drug and alcohol testing administered by me  - via an Rx from his doctor that I requested by phone. Note that anyone can make this request, so if you have suspicions, make the request - be prepared, because to it is much better to be safe than sorry. I wish that I would have done this last year when my gut told me that "something" was off.

Anyway... I digress... that was it as far as punishment at home - those punishments seemed appropriate at that time, since he was home-bound and unable to attend high school due to his illness, and since the random drug testing now hangs over his head and is in his face every single day since he never knows when I am going to stop at the lab and have him pee in a cup (and I have done so... so these are not empty threats) - so in my mind, the punishment fit the crime; he is broke, he is without driving privileges, he has lost my trust, and he is still stressing because these things are only the beginning of his consequences.

Today, the punishment continued in that he had to spend the morning in court. He was so nervous that he was shaking. He chose to wear dress clothes with a tie as a show of respect for the court (his idea, not mine). And he took his earring out so that the judge would not form an opinion based upon his appearance (again, his idea, not mine). And still, the result of his poor decision now means that he has to go to trial - which is even more punishment all these months after the fact - all this for "possession" (he did test clean when the cops caught him - so he just had it in his possession... but that is still a misdemeanor).

And so when all is said and done, his punishment will be even more than ever imagined because he will have a fine to pay, perform community service, worry about possible expulsion from school, and there is a slim chance that he will have to spend time sleeping in a juvenile detention center. Additionally, he won't be able to get his driver's license for 6 months after he applies. So by the time he is finally able to drive, he will be well over 18 years old.

My take on this: his mistake, his consequence. My prayer is that this will be a life lesson, because if I allow myself to think otherwise, I will fall apart, so I am holding tight to the consequences for actions theory. Am I mean? Possibly. But it is the only way I know how to approach this living nightmare.

One thing that seemed to be very effective in John's situation was when he witnessed me crying. I told him that I loved him unconditionally and that I understood that mistakes are made - but at the same time, I told him how very disappointed I was that he had chosen to make such a serious mistake. I then informed him that he had to earn back my trust and that it would take a lot of effort on his part for me to be able to trust him again. In turn, he cried, apologized, and toed the line (for how long... that is yet to be seen - because, to be very honest, I am extremely skeptical at this stage of the game).

John knows that I truly believe that good kids can make bad choices, and that I will always love him through thick and thin. But he also knows that, although I do not look at this as the end of the world, it most certainly dictates how the rest of his teen and high school years are going to be: court appearances, possibility of expulsion, community service, fines, loss of license, lack of trust, piss tests, and on and on it goes.

If one were to talk to my son tonight, he would probably admit that it is just not worth it. But the question remains: will he still feel this way the next time temptation arises? Will he still consider consequences when actions at that moment in time sound so intriguing?

I think that temptations today are far more than we, as parents, ever faced. I also think that through the ages (even back in my time, which seems like 100 years ago) the problem with teens is that they never believe it will happen to them... they think they are immune to getting caught; invincible... they honestly believe they are invincible. And because of these natural teenage beliefs, there is just one single thing I hope comes of this mess: I want John to realize that NO ONE... NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON is immune to temptation, and it takes a courageous person to stand up and say no. When it comes to invincibility - saying no is the only way to assure that getting caught is not an option.

Lesson learned? Only time will tell.

In the Trenches

I love him unconditionally. In fact, I even like him! He's charming and fun and totally entertaining. However, this kid is giving me gray hair - and that, I do not like. Note to self: make an appointment for a root touch up immediately. Who needs premature gray? Not me. I'm too vain.

Needless to say, my youngest child is once again in crisis, although this picture does not indicate such - he's a good faker and he can put on a happy face when the situation requires it to be necessary. The picture was taken on his 17th birthday, so clearly, he experienced a moment or two of happiness.

However, the real truth is that he is hurting and he is struggling to the point of daily panic attacks that are full blown with breathing problems, hyperventilation and body quakes - not pretty. The recent crisis is caused by a sudden reality check that portrays his world as crashing down around him. And he is finally recognizing the consequences of his past actions are a direct result of his own poor decisions and choices. He has a court date for drug possession on April 24. In the meantime, his drug test came back positive. He is flunking his classes and he may need to repeat all of his junior year in high school. This week, he was so angry that he crashed through his bedroom door and busted out the entire frame, thus damaging my house in a way that will require much repair and several hundred dollars... the door is fine... the frame and the walls are trashed... shattered... splintered... and damaged beyond a quick repair.

In the daily life of a 17 year old - these things are HUGE, and they are a wake up call as to what real life is all about. And in the meantime, he is not handling the realities well. He's experiencing daily panic attacks, a severe lack of self confidence, isolation from his friends, and an overall sense of helplessness. I'd like to say, "welcome to adulthood," but in this instance, that would be totally inappropriate considering that he is still fighting his autoimmune disease and he is still in need of weekly infusions that require 4 hours of needles hooked up to his belly as gamma globulin flows into his body. He's fighting his health care every step of the way, and it is not fun, and certainly not something a "normal" teen should have to deal with. So, in a way, I understand where his anger and frustration come from. But still, it does not give him a free pass to give up on life and rebel at every turn.

I'm not offering these observations as an excuse, because John is 17 years old and he is now of an age where he must deal with the consequences of his actions. However, it is all too much at one time. Isn't that the way life is? All or nothing? I never have understood why things happen this way. And for the mother of troubled child, the result is gray hair and many nights of stress and worry. I am beside myself with feelings of failure and lack of the skills to help a child in need of so much more than I am qualified to give. So I give love. And more love. And even more love. But I'm also mad, and that is where the feelings of guilt come into play.

Clearly, I'm in over my head as to how to deal with these problems. I do the best I can, and yet my heart aches all along the way. I am well aware that my time is ever drawing near when I will no longer be able to control John's medical treatments, nor will I be able to solve his problems (okay... admittedly, that day has long since passed, however, I still like to think that I can help him out once in a while). And, thus, my reality is that I am deep in the trenches and I am doing everything I can to survive this battle.

Anyway... that's where I've been. My absence has had nothing to do with my personal surgery... the surgery went relatively well and I've not heard back regarding the pathology reports, which in my mind means no cervical cancer cells, so all is well in that regard. The recovery took longer than expected, but I'm a slow recovery person, so the side effects of illness and discomfort were not a surprise. By about day seven, I was on the mend. Thank goodness, because, honestly, I don't have time to think about it. I've got my hands full with this child and that is about all I can handle at this moment in time.

Overwhelmed. That's putting it mildly. I'm in so far over my head that I don't know where to turn. So I pray. And I pray some more. And all the while, I hope for answers as I continue to trust in God. Last week, I received an answer to prayers in an unexpected form: a neighbor showed up at my door asking me to walk with her. Well, at the time, I was emotionally in a really bad place, so I declined the walk. But she stayed and lent a listening ear. In the end, I poured my heart out to her and I felt so much better for facing my fears and being totally honest with Suzanne about my shortcomings and my fears. She was an angel in disguise, and for that, I was blessed.

After she left, I realized that my prayers were being answered in an unexpected way: all this month, Jeff has been asking me to walk with him and our dog Buddy. He thinks I need more exercise and that I need fresh air to clear my head. Also, my Mom has been mentioning walks a lot - along the same lines as Jeff... fresh air, clear my head, exercise, getting out of the house, etc.

So the next day, when Jeff once again asked me if I wanted to go on a walk with him and Buddy, I surprised him by agreeing to do so.  We walked. And walked. And walked. Jeff is a fast walker, but he slowed down enough for me to keep up. We had a nice walk. And it was good to get out in the fresh air and clear my head. The exercise was nice, too, because, as most people know, I get ZERO exercise (sewing and crafting do not count as exercise). And even though my weight is holding steady at 121-122, my body shape is getting really flabby and I've sized up in my clothes. NOT GOOD! I'm short, and I don't want to be short AND fat. Short is bad enough.

So I guess it was a sign from those who love me (and from God) - all these people saying, "walk, Kelly, walk." I' ve since walked for an entire week. Walking with Jeff is pleasant - and I only have one rule: no hand holding. I'm sorry... but when I see people walking their dogs and holding hands at the same time it makes me wonder how the heck they keep their balance. It's not a midnight stroll, for crying out loud... it's a walk with the dog and for exercise. So no hand holding allowed. Jeff thought it was a funny rule, but he agreed to abide by my request since the goal was to get me off my butt and not to turn the ordeal into a date. Later, when I tripped on the sidewalk, he realized that my hand holding rule was a good rule to follow! Note that I've since tripped at least once every single day that we have walked. Jeff is now laughing about my rule, and I think he appreciates that I brought it up in the first place!

After a full week of walking, my legs are sore and my body is aching, but my mind is clear and I am in a better place than I've been in months. Good thing - since the door incident happened just this week and who knows how I would have handled it if I were still in my dark place with feelings of parenting failure and lack of faith in how to proceed.

In other news:


PURE HAPPINESS!


My sorority girl at a Chi Omega Alumni sponsored luncheon (Alyssa is standing in the back row - center girl wearing a salmon colored blouse). She is doing so well at GMU, which, in turn, makes me realize that I must have done something right at one point in time. Whew. Another blessing!

I titled this entry "In the Trenches" and I know that I am not the only parent of teens who feels this way. Some days are more than I can bear to think about, and other days I find myself holding on by my fingernails. But when all is said and done, I will forever love my children unconditionally, and I will never stop believing in them... thus, I will continue to hold on, even if it means slipping once in a while, because as long as I don't let go, I am not losing the battle.

However, this parenting thing is far more challenging that I ever dreamed possible, but it has also helped me build character in ways that I never knew I was capable of... because, really, who wouldn't have to swallow all of their pride and  still stand tall when escorting their wayward child to a court appearance and a mandatory drug test? I have eaten more humble pie this past year than I thought was possible... and yet, I'm still standing. I'm in the trenches... but I'm still standing. And at the end of the day, that, in and of itself, is a blessing.

Honorary Mother (it was a Crafting Emergency)

Last Thursday night, I received a text message from Alyssa. She asked me if I would be available on Friday. I told her that I was going to spend the day shopping for John's birthday gifts, and then I asked her what she needed. She text'd me back and said that she may have to call me with some "sewing" questions.

After what I considered to be an excessive number of text messages, I concluded that Alyssa's sorority had what could only be termed as a Crafting Emergency! (Why do these kids not pick up the phone and actually call people? This multiple text thing does me in - I am slow as molasses when it comes to texting on my phone and it was like pulling teeth to get the following information - so what could have been discussed in ten minutes ended up taking a full hour of text messaging to get the full story).

Following is what I would call typical of how most teenagers work - this is the summation of 100 text messages and how the Chi Omega Crafting Emergency was handled:

Alyssa was involved in this "secret" thing with her sorority. But I knew what it is because she had told me a bit about it during spring break - the sorority was participating in a Greek Sing competition that sounded similar to a variety show competition between all the sororities and the fraternities. Secret to everyone but me, I guess????

 

They needed 17 skirts made by Saturday, which was less than 36 hours from the original text message... as in 2 days. These skirts were their costumes, so they were an integral part of the show - the show that Chi-O has won four years in a row and that they were hoping to win again because of PRIDE.

 

They had 1 sewing machine. They couldn't start sewing until 4:00 Friday afternoon because they all had classes and work.

 

After the back and forth text messages, Alyssa finally asked me if I could bring her sewing machine to campus on Friday afternoon. Once I found out what they needed to do in such a short amount of time, I asked her if she wanted my help. She said yes, they need my help (I think this is why she began the text marathon in the first place).

 

So the plan was that I would drive out to GMU on Friday with three more machines, and I would help them set up sewing stations so that they could make 17 skirts in one night.

 

Oh, and did I mention that they did't have a pattern?
And that only 1 person knew how to sew?
And they only had black thread.
Oh... and no scissors... NONE.
And fabric... they didn't think they had enough.

 

Oiy. I had a feeling I was going to have a very late Friday night with the sorority girls.

 

Also, during this text marathon, Alyssa mentioned that her entire sorority wanted to order custom made Greek letter tee-shirts from me. I told her that I could do that, but that we needed get the skirts done first. Seriously - these girls have no sense of urgency at all. It makes me laugh at the innocence and lack of reality for our youth.

 

This whole thing was just SO ALYSSA! What a joke. They didn't even think about this part of their show until the night before the performance. These teenagers just sleigh me - they are so disorganized. They wait till the last minute for everything. And even though Alyssa will be nineteen years old this year, this is the one thing that I will never understand about teenagers. It begins when they enter middle school, and clearly, it continues during their college years. I think it is a very good thing that Alyssa is away at college and that I no longer have to witness these crisis on a daily basis. I rarely have patience for lack of planning. But in this case, I felt sorry for the girls, so I put on my SuperMom Cape and off I went.

When I arrived at GMU, the Crafting Emergency had reached Red Alert status. The girls were in full panic mode. No one knew what they were doing and they looked like pretty little deer with headlights shining in their eyes.

So keeping that in mind, here is how it went:

I am worn out. I can't tell you how much this project stressed me because I wanted to do right by these girls. My main goal was to guide them and direct them, but NOT to take over the project - it was their thing and I was only there to offer guidance. But these poor girls had no clue. And had I not thought to toss in my rotary cutter and self-healing mat, there is no way they would have had enough fabric. As it was, I figured out how to do away with a hem by using the selvage as the hem line. This was a good thing because it meant no hemming stitch, which was good due to the time crunch and their lack of sewing experience (and that ungodly looking black thread they used on the pastel fabrics).

I spent 5 hours unjamming machines, setting up, and directing stations. Without the stations, we would have been lost. But once I suggested "stations" they looked so relieved. They seriously had no idea where to begin and it became apparent that they were hoping that I could solve this problem for them. In the end, I had them set up the following stations and we were able to complete 17 skirts in five hours:

1. cutting  - one girl, since I only had one rotary cutter and they didn't have enough fabric
2. side seams - two machines/two girls
3. ironing the seams and making the casing for the elastic  - two girls/two ironing boards because I thought to bring extra
4. sewing the casing seams (this was a fiasco and the seams were very wobbly, but they were good enough) - two machines/two girls
5. threading the elastic - one girl because of the measurement issue (matching skirt color to each girl's measurements)
6. sewing the elastic together and closing the seams - me
7. ironing the finished skirts and logging them into their tracking system - one girl (again, matching skirt color to girl's measurements)

They hoped to have a waistband on these skirts. But with the shortage of fabric, the only way we could make them was with elastic. So one of the girls had to run to WalMart to buy elastic. Thank God she did that. I don't know what we would have done without that option. They had 1.5 yards of fabric for every two skirts... not very much fabric to work with.

 

I only saw Alyssa for 20 minutes the entire time I was there because she was not on the "costume committee". Sadness. But I got to work with the junior and senior girls, and that was really interesting and actually quite fun! They were very gracious and so appreciative. Also, they were SO GROWN UP! What a difference 4 years of college makes. Their conversations were mature and enlightening. I sincerely had a great time and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I am so glad to have had the opportunity to get to know the girls whom Alyssa is mentoring with - their example is wonderful and their morals and ethics seem to be in-line with "the good people of society." I feel blessed to have been able to witness this first hand.

Sadly, after all this work, Chi Omega did not win the competition. Alyssa said everyone was bawling when it was over - they were that upset. My heart is heavy for these girls. They worked so hard to win Greek Sing. But, based upon the pictures shown at the beginning of this entry, I'm guessing they were far and above the cutest girls in the competition. The costumes turned out adorable. And their hair looked amazing (they all slept on sponge curlers the night before the competition).

Many years ago, my mother told me that parenting never ends. She said that it evolves and changes over the years, but that when all is said and done, a mom is a mom and the child will always turn to the mom in times of need, even when that child becomes an adult. A Crafting Emergency may not be a real life crisis, but in Alyssa's world, it was a crisis of epic proportions. I am so thankful that she is still child enough to want her mother's help when things go wrong. It was fun to be the hororary mother to an entire sorority during this crisis... even if it only meant sitting down at the sewing machine and helping them make 17 skirts.

Tough love - not for wimps... and I am not a wimp!

I hate drugs. I despise them with every fiber of my being. And, as many people know, this is a sensitive issue for me because I have witnessed first-hand a life of destruction as my brother has struggled with drug abuse for over thirty years. And because of this, I have always been paranoid that something similar would happen to my own children - it is my one great fear in life. And so due to my paranoia, I've been very diligent in parenting my teens - I go overboard when it comes to keeping track of who they are with and what they are doing. They hate it... but I do it anyway. But now we've reached the point where John is almost 17 years old and I can no longer watch over him 24/7. Thus, there is no way know what he is doing at all times. I wish I could continue to shelter him and keep him out of harms way... but I can't. Which leads me to this entry.

Many people have wondered why I have been so quiet lately. I've shrugged it off by telling people that I just don't feel well, blaming my current health issues. But there is more to it than that. What people don't know is that I have remained silent about what is really going - the behind the scenes stuff that is happening in my home... the things I have not shared... not until today. However, because I feel very strongly about this subject, I have decided to be forthcoming with my family and friends because 1) I don't like secret keeping, 2) sometimes good kids make bad choices and there is no shame in that, and 3) as parents we do the best we can with the tools we have and often, even that is not enough. My prayer is that this wrong will be made right and that those who read this entry will not pass judgment - because the truth of the matter is: every situation is unique, and although John is a normal teenager with normal problems, he is also a teenager with a disease which dictates much of how I approach problems with this child. With some problems, my approach is full force with guns blazing. But with other problems, I tread lightly because I am dealing with a teenager who is fragile both physically and emotionally. It's a very fine line I walk each day, and even though I make mistakes along the way, I try to correct them the best I know how.

John is my kid who is easy to love. He isn't shy about hugging me or telling me thank you. And every single day he says, "I love you, Mom," as he kisses me on the cheek and goes about his merry way. Seriously, it is difficult not to love a boy who shows such open love for his mother. And it is also difficult to get mad at a person who is so gentle and caring.

But John is also my child who does everything he can to test my patience as he pushes all limits trying to define his personal self. Currently, he is flunking his classes - and he doesn't even care because he claims that he is making a statement about what a waste of time homework is. His thought process is that if he passes the tests, then that should be proof enough that he is learning something in the class. And his latest declaration is that he is not going to compromise his integrity by bowing to authority. What the heck? Where does he come up with this stuff? Does he not realize that he is possibly throwing away future opportunities because he refuses to "compromise his integrity?" Good grief. Where did I go wrong?

Sadly, we think there is more to this latest rebellion streak. Last week, his therapist called me into her office for an emergency meeting. After discussing John's attitude and his current lack of desire, we put our heads together and concluded that drugs may possibly be involved. In the meantime, I also received calls from his teachers informing me that he is failing his classes and that he seems to have "checked out" when it comes to putting forth effort in the classroom. They told me that he has a bad attitude and that he is unwilling to discuss his grades with them.

I won't deny that this did not come as a surprise, although I thought we had put it behind us after John was caught with possession of marijuana last January (caught by the police... not by me). At that time, John made a big production about throwing away his drug paraphernalia and he promised to shape up. His punishment for breaking the house rules AND BREAKING THE LAW was removal of freedom privileges, as well as no testing for his driver's license. And he seemed clean for a while... he was clear headed, he was putting forth great effort in his school work, and his attitude was positive.

Until now. And now is where I'm at. The time has come for the tough love approach. So after much consideration and contemplation, I decided to call his doctor to discuss this problem. First of all, John takes numerous prescription medications, and drug abuse could seriously compromise the usefulness of those meds. Additionally, adding street drugs to the mix could potentially be lethal. Therefore, I'm dealing with a situation that is [potentially] more than casual drug abuse. I had no choice. I had to tell his doctor. Not a fun conversation. In fact, I felt like a failure as I explained the situation. But right now, it's not about me. It's about saving this child, which means I have swallow my pride and admit that something went wrong. That's not to say that *I* did something wrong... because I don't know that I have. But SOMETHING went wrong. Therefore, I must take the blame for letting this happen regardless of where the fault lies (and I truly believe the fault lies in the availability of street drugs and the secrecy that surrounds this problem - if more people would talk about it, and if as a society we would work together to fight this battle, I think parents would be better prepared when the problem lands smack-dab in their lap. But because there is so much shame associated with drug abuse, we don't talk about it - we don't want to eat the humble pie that says, "my child is not perfect." Instead, we hang our heads in shame and suffer silently, hoping to quietly solve the problem, without knowing exactly how to do so. But if we, as parents, would put our heads together to discuss why our good kids have made bad choices, I sincerely believe we would be better prepared to fight this battle).

After speaking with John's doctor, it was decided that a drug test was absolutely necessary and that said test had to be administered without John's knowledge. Therefore, my job was to "trick" John into taking what is commonly known to teenagers as a piss test. Note that tricking my kids goes against everything I believe in when it comes to parenting. But, like I said, the time for tough love is now, and tough love is not for wimps. I CANNOT BE A WIMP - not now. I have to be strong, and tough, and even mean. SIGH. I can do this. And I did. I took John to the lab and told him to pee in a cup. He pretty much figured out what was going on... he turned to me and said, "it's a good thing I'm clean." Great, big, giant sigh. Maybe he is clean. Maybe we are all being paranoid. And maybe John is just a rebellious soul who is trying to fit in by being troublesome. Maybe... maybe not.

Either way, today I'm on pins and needles as I await the results of this drug test. And if the test is positive - I don't know what I will do. Is my next step house arrest? Do I dare put a child who has been home-bound from high school for five months back in a situation where he is not allowed to be with his peers? Because, really... what will that teach him? He will suffer in solitude and he also won't be allowed to clean up his act by making good choices because I will have removed the option of choices altogether. I don't necessarily know if that will help, other than to make him feel more isolated and become even more rebellious (my fear is that he will run away!).

John will turn seventeen on Sunday. He absolutely must take responsibility for his actions, but I'm not certain that house arrest is the answer. He's already pretty removed from society, which is probably why he turned to drugs in the first place. I don't know. I don't have answers. The only thing I am sure of is that I love this child with every fiber of my being and I will continue to do the best I can with the tools I have, and right now, my tool is mandatory drug testing. From there... I just don't know.

And so there it is: "the rest of the story." My life is currently consumed with raising this child. It requires every ounce of energy I have. I'm emotionally worn out, which is why I've been absent from the world. Next week I will have surgery to correct the health problems my body has foisted upon me. I've opted for a day surgery rather than a full hysterectomy because, as I told the doctor, "I need 18 more months to finish what I have started with raising this child. I cannot afford a six week recovery period." Therefore, we are buying time with the removal of the growths only, praying that they don't test positive for cancer. Hopefully, this surgery will accomplish what it is supposed to do (cease the hemorrhaging), and I will then be able to focus 100% on the task at hand, which is to love this child through thick and thin, as I continue to instill the lessons of making wise choices and the consequences that occur when mistakes are made. Because the truth of the matter is: sometimes, good kids make bad choices. But when all is said and done, it is not the bad choice that matters, but the lesson that is learned from the experience.

Tough love... it is not for wimps.

It was a little something, but it was wonderful!

I took Alyssa back to the university yesterday. It was very difficult to say good-bye this time because we had such a nice visit during her Spring Break. And I just have to say it again: What a difference a year makes! She is so grown up and mature after being in college for only seven months. Through the years, I have often questioned whether my parenting abilities would be enough to send her off on her own. Now I know... I must have done something right. Whew. What a relief. Next comes John... and I am still worrying and fretting over the same things. I only hope that he takes to college as well as Alyssa has. I've still got eighteen months to get it right with him - and to be honest, I've got my work cut out.

While Alyssa was home, we decided to do a little something different: we took a road trip to Pennsylvania. We'd not yet seen Lon and Debbie's new house and we used that as our excuse to justify the trip. But the real reason we went to Pennsylvania was to celebrate Debbie's birthday and to celebrate Casey's recent achievements in the world of skiing. He's had a such great year and will be competing in the Junior Olympics next month.

Because they are always skiing on the weekends, we haven't seen them since Thanksgiving. But thanks to Debbie, we've followed Casey's success from afar, which is almost as good as being there. These pictures are of my brother, Lon, and Casey practicing the race course. I absolutely love the picture that shows Casey edging ahead of his dad!

I'm still getting used to the idea of having family members close enough that an airplane is not the required mode of transportation. This was the first time in almost twenty years that I have been able to get in a car and drive to see family - what a treat that is. Considering that we aren't used to road trips, Alyssa and I were pleased to discover that we didn't mind the drive at all. In fact, we timed it by the number of CD's required (three, to be exact). We turned up the tunes and I sang while she hummed (she is not one to sing out loud) for the entire two and a half hours it took to get there. I think we must have had a silent no talking aloud policy going on, because the only time we actually gabbed was when we had to pay the tolls and figure out directions. Before we left, Alyssa declared herself the official Navigation System and banker for this trip. She even used her "Navigation System" voice, which will always be one of my favorite memories of her Spring Break.

Speaking of memories, Alyssa and Debbie flunk the test of photo memories because neither one would allow me to take pictures of them. So, no cake pictures, no group pictures, no pictures of the girls at all (I'm still pouting). Thanks to Casey, I was able to take a few pictures that actually show people in the image. And, technically, I do have a picture of Debbie - she's in the photo shown below... she was trying to hide from me:

While there, Alyssa and I both commented that the beds at Lon and Debbie's house are The Most Comfortable Beds on earth... even better than the Hyatt or the Hilton! This is a good thing for those who visit Lon and Deb, but now that I am aware of this well-kept secret, they may have a difficult time getting rid of us the next time we visit. Seriously, Debbie's beds are heavenly.

And as heavenly as the beds are, the guest bathroom was heavenly as well:

Check out that faucet in the bathtub. I won't admit how long it took me to figure it out... but know this: it was almost noon by the time I got out of that tub. Oiy. When I talked to my mom after we got home, I told her that when she visits Lon and Deb, she will need to call me from the bathroom so that I can walk her through the process of turning on the water. After I sent her the pictures, she agreed that she would definitely need help with the faucet.

And now Alyssa is back at school. I think she enjoyed her Spring Break - we managed to complete most of the things she had on her list, and she seemed happy and relaxed as she packed up the car to head back to college.

That's the thing about Spring Break - kids just want to do "something", and over the years I've come to conclude that the little somethings can be just as nice as the big somethings, because a little something can always be made into a big something when approached with the right attitude and a sense of adventure, which is exactly what we did when we decided to take our road trip.

A special thank you to Debbie and Casey for indulging us in our sense of adventure. We can't wait to see you again... and sleep in the beds... and re-test the bathtub... and hang out in your family room wrapped up in blankets... and eat your fruit... and maybe even take a picture or two??? You helped make Alyssa's Spring Break special, and for that, we thank you.

Tee-shirt applique - a how to pictorial instruction guide

Before Alyssa's Spring Break began, she started a list of things she wanted to do while she was home from college. The number one item on her list was to sew the Greek letters of her sorority onto tee-shirts. Knowing that there are a lot of "rules" that go with being in a sorority, I asked her to make sure that it was not "illegal" for us to make our own letters. She promptly followed through and was told that we could make our own Chi-Omega letters, but the letters had to be identical to those that were used for official sorority business and activities. Once she received the go-ahead, she was gung-ho to begin this project.

As the person who would be designing and sewing the letters, I felt a lot of pressure to not screw this up. First of all, I've never appliqued on tee shirts before. I've made tee-shirts back in the days when I used my serger to sew clothing for my kids - but I've never embellished the tee shirts using the applique method, and because tee-shirt material is very stretchy and loose, I was concerned with how to go about this project without messing it up. I also didn't want to let her down since she is not one to ask favors of me. The fact that she actually asked me to do this for her was proof of much this project meant to her.

And so after stressing for an entire weekend (she couldn't stop talking about it), I took a deep breath and tackled the project yesterday. When I realized how very easy this project is, I knew that I had to pass along the instructions, because not only is this an easy project, it is also one of the most inexpensive projects I have ever made.

Following are the instructions... I've tried to include enough pictures for each step in order to keep it simple.

Supplies required for this project are:

1. A tee-shirt - available at Michael's (cost of $3.99)
2. Wonder Under paper backed fusible webbing
3. Tear-Away Stabilizer - I prefer the roll, but it can be purchased in a package also
4. Grid paper to trace pattern on - available at any office supply store in tablets
5. Fabric - we purchased fat quarters at JoAnn's (cost of 99 cents each!)
6. Coordinating thread
7. A sewing machine with a zig-zag stitch (I set the width to 4.5mm and the length to .7 mm)
8. An ironing board and iron

These are the original [read "official"] tee-shirts that I used as a pattern guide - the girls have been spending anywhere from $20 to $30 for each tee-shirt at the local mall. When personalizing your own projects, any image can be used to create a pattern. Coloring books work well, as do computer images of objects such as baseballs, bats, footballs, flowers, peace signs, computer fonts, etc. Just print out the image you want to use and then make a pattern out of it. You can size it on the computer before printing, which makes this step fast and easy (unless you are following sorority guidelines!).

After selecting an image to recreate, a pattern needs to be made - I use the grid paper for proper sizing.

Once the pattern has been designed, trace the image onto the Wonder Under. Iron the image to the WRONG side of the fabric... let cool before trimming to size.

Before the sewing begins, stabilizer must be attached to the WRONG side of the tee-shirt (the inside-out side). I baste a square or rectangle and later remove the basting stitches before tearing away the excess.

Now comes the fun part: sewing. Remove the backing of the Wonder Under and iron the shapes onto the RIGHT side of the fabric. I iron one layer at a time, and then sew that layer. After each layer is sewn, I iron on the next layer and sew that. To put it another way - when appliqueing multiple layers, the process is to stack one upon the other, sewing a layer at a time. I use a zig-zag stitch around the edges, making sure to catch all raw edges. There is no pre-fold hem required, as the wide, tight zig-zag stitches and the sticky back Wonder Under will finish the edges.

To finish the project, remove the basting stitches that hold the stabilizer in place and then tear away the excess stabilizer (see noted photos above). Press tee-shirt to fill in any basting stitch needle marks that may still appear - these will go away once they are pressed back into place.

Here is what the finished projects look like:

 

My total cost for each tee-shirt was $5.33. Note that this does not include the price of the Wonder Under or the stabilizer. If those items are purchased specifically for this project, the base cost will increase substantially. However, one package of Wonder Under is 2 yards in length and that will make over 20 tee-shirts. A roll of stabilizer is also 2 yards in length. Therefore, these supplies are what I consider to be staple materials, so I do not factor in these items in the overall cost of the tee-shirts.

So there you have it - a simple and very low budget project that can be completed in a day. Each tee-shirt took two hours to make, which included tracing the Greek letters, and all of the cutting, ironing and stitching. Like I said, I'm slow when it comes to sewing, and I'm sure that most people would be able to speed up the production time... I'm just not most people... I'm one of those slow people.

Alyssa is thrilled. She has already started to brainstorm more sorority projects. In fact, she wants to sell these tee-shirts to the girls in her sorority (once again, I told her that she absolutely had to get permission to do so before she started advertising tee-shirts for sale!). After she decided that selling Greek letter tee-shirts was a good idea, she then asked me if I would be willing to make them for that purpose. This made me giggle. I honestly think she believes that all I do is sew my life away - maybe a tad bit accurate, but not the entire truth... I do have a few other activities in my life! Anyway, I told her that I would consider making more, but that if I were to sell them, I would do so via the [still not created] Etsy Shop so that she would not be responsible for collecting the money.

When all is said and done, I'm pleased with the results of this project, and I feel honored that Alyssa would trust me enough to ask me to do something sorority related. It's been so much fun having her home. She's grown up a lot and she is really fun to spend time with. Once again, I am tickled with this turn of events. Spring Break has never been one of my favorite "breaks", mostly due to the not-so-spring-like weather that occurs every year, in addition to high expectations from kids who have no concept that the entire world is not on spring break. Now that Alyssa has been in college for almost a year, she finally understands that March weather is probably going to be crappy, the world doesn't revolve around spring break, and having a break from classes is worth celebrating regardless of the weather or the lack of a BIG EVENT. The BIG EVENT, in this case, is having her home. And in my world, that's huge!

Alyssa's Home! YAY!

If someone would have asked me last September whether or not I would be looking forward to having Alyssa home for ten days in March,  I probably would have rolled my eyes and fussed about the power struggle that would ensue... but, oh what a difference seven months can make! I am astounded by the change from then to now.

During the Christmas break, Alyssa worked so many hours at Hollister that I rarely saw her. She worked, she slept, she worked, she slept some more, and then she worked again. Her goal was to make enough money to pay her sorority dues, and so she asked for double shifts at the mall - and double shifts is exactly what she got - but that meant no time at home other than to sleep between shifts. In the end, she did make enough money to pay her sorority dues, so all was well in her world, in spite of the fact that we barely saw her during the entire break.

Last month, upon my insistence, Alyssa came home when she was sick - same thing... sleep, sleep, sleep. I didn't see her at all, other than to offer fluids and more flu medications. As soon as she felt  better, back to school she went. And that was that. I hardly even count it as a "visit home" considering that she was dead to the world.

Which brings me to now... ten days of having her home again. Needless to say, I've been beside myself with anticipation. In fact, I've set aside the entire week so that I can "go with the flow" and do whatever she wants to do. I feel like a child at Christmas... waiting for Santa to come so that I can finally see what delights are in store. All these months she's been away, and I've missed her so very much each and every day. Having her home is exactly what my heart needs at this moment in time. Bonus that she seems as anxious as I am about spending time together doing the mother-daughter thing for an entire week.

We started her spring break with this -

a very long line of parents waiting in the No Parking Zone to pick up our college students. What a joke... too many parents... students in no rush... and no place to go other than sit in line and wait. But what were our options? We could either, 1) leave our kids at the college campus instead of waiting, or 2) wait for our students to get in the car. I think that waiting for our students was the obvious choice in this instance. And so... we waited... and waited... and waited some more.

I enjoyed watching the students eventually begin to meander to the parent's vehicles - the parents were so obviously anxious to see their student, but to be honest, these freshman have no sense of urgency at all! They were officially on Spring Break and their actions showed that their intentions were to cease the insanity of college life and ease [very slowly] into the ten days that are officially known as Spring Break. I laughed out loud as I watched the parents tapping their feet and the students not giving a damn at all. At least I was not alone!

When we finally arrived home, after a wonderful lunch at our favorite diner, Alyssa loved on the dogs until they were nearly beside themselves with glee over seeing her again, and then she turned to me and said, "Let's take a nap... what chair do you want?" That's my girl! She knows how to nap and she knows how to make her momma happy.

And so we napped. I gave her the sofa and I chose the napping chair.  I snoozed for a couple of hours. But Alyssa... she slept, and slept, and slept some more - four hours of napping for my tired college girl. I think the stress of mid-terms finally caught up with her because she took to the sofa as though it was the most comfortable place on earth (it's not!).

When she finally woke up, we watched two hours of America's Next Top Model (so much like old times!), and then we watched a dance movie that I've never seen, "Honey", with Jessica Alba. <--- fun movie if you enjoy dancing.

And so begins an entire week that I plan to dedicate to my growing up daughter. She is so much fun to be with. And, in fact, I do believe my eye rolling days are over and that she and I will once again be friends. Joy, joy, joy over that small, and much welcome, miracle, because, to be very honest, I don't know if I will ever recover from the Momma-Trauma that was so much a part of her senior year - man was that not fun!

But finally, we can put the past traumatic days behind us, and our plans for Alyssa's Spring Break include a sewing project - she wants me to make a template of the Greek letters for her sorority and then applique them onto tee shirts, which might turn out to be quite challenging, because although I am proficient with applique, I am NOT proficient with sewing things on tee shirt fabric. We'll see how this goes.

Additionally, Alyssa wants to make a quick trip to Pennsylvania to visit Lon, Debbie and Casey. I'm up for that! I think we will take our road trip on Tuesday and Wednesday. It should be fun. (John is going to throw a fit when he finds out that he is excluded from this road trip... and I am so not looking forward to dealing with that nonsense).

I guess the moral of this entry is this: they do grow up, and they eventually become our friends; absence really does make the heart grow fonder; and finally, my almost grown up daughter is a delight. I am so thrilled to see her again and to have the opportunity to spend one-on-one time together. And even if she decides to sleep the entire ten days, I'm just happy she is home.

Who I was, who I am, and the foundation on which I stand: a look back at then and now.

I'm blaming this entire post on Facebook, because through Facebook, I have recently reconnected with a handful (five, to be exact) of people from my high school. Note that I graduated high school in 1980 - so it has been many years since I last spoke with these people. And because I moved away from my hometown almost twenty years ago, I don't ever run into people from my former life, so this reconnect has been interesting, to say the least. It has been a walk down memory lane - a path I have not taken since the day I moved away. And this walk down memory lane has caused me to experience emotions I have not felt since I was eighteen year old <--- 29 years ago is how long that has been.

But what these emotions and thoughts have also done for me is make me hyper aware of what my own children must be experiencing at this very moment in their lives. And it has been a wake up call since I'd [selectively] forgotten what it was like to be a teenager; I'd forgotten what it was like to ask yourself every single day, "Will they like me? Am I being a dork? Are they talking about me? Why did I say that?" And the ever constant, "I wish I could hide in a corner."

John has often said to me, "Mom, these people don't know me. They don't understand me. They just don't get me." And until my reconnect, I'd thought that John was being silly... I honestly thought he was just making excuses as to why he does the things he does.

But here's what I've discovered (and I apologize in advance because this includes more talk about sewing, something I know people must get sick of hearing about). I am going to provide visuals to support these thoughts, since we all know that I am all about the pictures when it comes to the blog:

This is a picture of my last childhood doll. Her name is Velvet and she was given to me for Christmas when I was in fifth grade. I took the picture today, because I am a sentimental fool and I still have Velvet safely tucked away in my cedar chest. I tried to get a close up shot since the thing I wanted to show is the dress she is wearing and the very elementary sewing job that was used on her dress. I made the dress for Velvet when I was eleven years old. I was proud of the dress and I actually still have several other outfits that were sewn with TLC for my precious doll. My point: even in the fifth grade, sewing was my happy place and it was how I spent my time - I spent as much time sewing doll clothes as I actually did playing with the dolls. For me, the dolls were a means to an end: sewing.

The next visual is my senior picture - the quality is very poor because the photo is almost 30 years old and it has faded with time:

Disregarding the hairstyle and the blue eyeshadow (hey, it was 1980 - I was considered trendy at the time), note the wool jacket that I was wearing. I sewed the jacket and a matching skirt when I was a senior in high school. I made it specifically for my senior pictures. At the time, I was in love with the suit and I was so proud to wear something I had sewn to the all-important photo shoot. However, I never told a soul that I made my suit. I just handed out the pictures and kept the sewing part to myself.

So what does all this have to do with my recent reconnection with high school friends? Well, it has everything to do with it because as I have been corresponding with Gayle, who lived six houses away from me all through junior high and high school - a person I walked to school with, rode the bus with,  cheered with, invited to our family beach house, had over to slumber parties... I GREW UP with Gayle - I was shocked to hear that she didn't know that I sewed. And that got me to thinking about how, like John, the people in my high school didn't really know me. I intentionally kept my favorite thing in the world (sewing) from them because 1) I didn't want to be made fun of, and 2) I didn't want to be considered a dork. But the truth was, I loved to sew then, and I still love to sew now. The person I was is the person I still am. And in spite of the fact that everything (and nothing) has changed: I was who I am  - and I am who I was. Astounding!

As we've corresponded, Gayle made the comment that she enjoyed catching up with old friends because, "We knew each other before we knew ourselves." How true that is. I'll be the first to admit that I am a different person than the girl I was back then. I have more confidence, I embrace my inner dorkiness, and I have opinions that are actually my very own! And yet, the me I didn't know back then, became the core of me that is my foundation (in spite of my sewing secret). And this is what I wish I could share with John because the teenage foundation is absolutely part of becoming an adult.

Another person I've reconnected with is a guy whom Gayle and I were in swing choir with, Chris Bidleman. (Chris is in the top row: third from the left - Gayle and I are in the front row: I am the first girl on the left, with Gayle next to me). Note: I also sewed part of the dress I am wearing - other people had their moms make their dresses or hired out the project, but I worked with my mom on the dress and I was so proud that I had a hand in the design. Of course, I never told a soul that I made part of my dress. That was just something I didn't do back then.

Back to Chris... he was so much fun! And when I saw his profile picture on Facebook, I could almost smell our choir room... I remembered the piano and the risers... I remembered the trips we took for competitions and the times we spent hanging out as a group in that dark and dreary room where we spent so many hours singing and dancing and doing what we loved, because what we loved was music - all of it... the bee-bop of swing choir, the harmonies, the melodies, the instruments, the costumes, and most of all the friendships. And today, these are the things I still love (minus the costumes since I no longer perform other than with my six year old friend in the privacy of my home). My love of music back then, was the foundation of the music I love today. If one were to look at my iPod playlist, they would see over 500 songs that were popular in the 70's - songs that shaped my youth and that were the inspirations of my thoughts and dreams. And when I look at it that way, I realize that those songs are still the basis of my inspirations, and of my thoughts - and even of the dreams I still have. These people who I spent so much time singing with all those years ago know the foundation of me better than my own husband. Wow! That is a scary thought.

After considering these long ago thoughts and dreams, I have to ask this one single question: "Why is it that when I reconnect with my high school friends, all the old insecurities and doubts resurface?" What is up with that? I find myself still asking the questions, "Will they like me?" "Am I being a dork?" "I wish I wouldn't have said that." Seriously... WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? I'm a confident woman. Where is this coming from? And the big question is: Why do I care?

Why I care is this: I care because of the very fact that these people knew me before I knew myself. They know my brothers and my sister. They've been to my childhood home and met my parents. They know how I was raised and they know the rules I was required to follow. They knew when I followed the rules and they knew when I broke the rules. They were witness to the evolution of who I am. Every single memory of my youth includes something that was done or said or experienced by and with these people. And so the reality is that I care because, other than my family, these people know the foundation of Kelly, and if anyone on this earth is going to understand who I am today, it would be these people. They may not know me as a wife. They certainly don't know me as a mother. They've never seen me working. They have no idea of my current lifestyle. But they know Kelly - the real Kelly... the girl I was, who is the woman I am. That girl has blossomed and grown, but she is still there. She is so much of who I am today, because who I was is exactly what I have become.

And this is what I want to tell John. I want to tell him that even if his classmates don't know him, they know the foundation - and when he looks back in twenty or thirty years, my hope is that John will see the foundation and that he will still be the person he is today - bigger, better, grown, and confident... but still John. Because even though his "thing" is not sewing, and that's not what he hides, he has his own "things" and he hides them exactly like I did way back when. It's okay to hide... but it's not okay to lose our passions just because they are not cool at the time. John loves poetry. He loves to write, which is considered so not cool for an almost 17 year old "cool kid" - and so he hides these things and he tucks away in private and pursues his dreams alone. And that's okay. I get that because it is exactly what I did. But in hindsight, it doesn't matter because the passion is only part of the foundation - it may be the biggest part, but it is not the only part. It takes many layers to create the foundation... and a lot of those layers are within the halls of the high school.

The truth is, we are tied to our high school friends whether we like it or not. We can ignore them. We can run from them. We can try to never think of them again. But the bottom line is these people were there when we were building our foundation, and because of that single fact, these people are part of our past and part of how our foundation turned out.

And so even though I am experiencing all these feelings of insecurities and conflict (WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? Seriously... why am I feeling this way?), I have chosen to embrace my past because by doing so, I am able to be a better mother to John and Alyssa. Having spent an entire week thinking about this (and feeling insecure), I have gained a new parenting tool: I have more understanding; I have more compassion; and most of all, I have a point of reference that I had previously chosen to ignore.

When all is said and done, I think I will always feel insecure around my high school friends. And that's okay, because whether I like it or not, that's where the foundation began. Today I think that the original foundation is still there - better, bigger, stronger - but still there, so it's all good. And now that these old emotions have risen to the surface, I am able to do something with the memories - something that will help my own children. And at the end of the day, Alyssa and John are my priority above and beyond all else. If a walk down memory lane and a little bit of angst is what it takes for me to understand my teenagers, then I welcome the emotions, because right now I'm grasping at straws when it comes to my lost and conflicted son.

Self reflection. Pain of our youth. Angst. Insecurities. These are things that make better parents. Seriously... I had no idea. I'd been running from these things for so long that I hadn't really given it a thought. But now I know better. And better is always a good thing when it comes to parenting.

A final word to the two people from my high school who may read this blog entry: Thank you for then, because without the then, I would not be who I am today. And to be very honest, I really like who I am... I'm still me deep down, and the reconnect has helped me appreciate that for what it is.

The project that took forever, and other nonsense

I will be the first to admit that I sew slowly. I live by the rule that the slow and steady win the race, whereas the fast and furious crash and burn - at least, when it comes to sewing, that has been my experience - I crash and burn every single time I try to speed up the process... and so I sew slow. I like to think that by doing so, I am able to enjoy the experience all the more. But the real truth is that when I sew slowly, I make fewer mistakes and my stitches are more accurate. In the end, this saves me from having to rip out my work, which I do enough of as it is even with the slow going. In recent years, I've come to refer to my slow and steady pace as The Amish Method, because those people make the most beautiful things, and they do so without electricity - instead, they use treadle machines and turn the wheel by hand. Okay... I don't sew that slow, but sometimes it comes close.

And so when this project, now referred to as the Daisy Kitchen Collection, ended up taking me over two weeks to complete, even I began to wonder if maybe I should speed things up a bit. But with the recent medical issues (a visit to the hospital is a pretty good reason to stop sewing for at least a day), and a son who is turning into a teenage hellion (his latest antics don't even warrant documentation because they are so lame... the boy needs to use his brain!)... well, slow going began to look better than no going at all, because even though things were progressing at a snail's pace, I was able to see progress each and every day.

This project is one that I intend to add to the growing inventory of the still to be determined Etsy Shop. I came up with the design late one night as I was looking through a magazine - there was an advertisement for some brand of allergy medication and the ad design inspired me to think of blues and yellows with daisies scattered about. And so at 11:30 at night, I got out my sketch pad and I started to draw daisies of all kinds (some of those daisies were really bad - but that's how things work... start with the bad and end up with something that fits the concept). The next morning I dug through my fabric stash and pulled out all my blue and yellow material, but I didn't like my choices, so I clipped a coupon and off I went to the fabric store. I found some daisy fabric that perfectly suited the concept I had in mind, and thus began "The Project That Took Forever."

Below is the end result of two weeks of start and stop slow sewing. This is only the third project that I have conceptualized, designed, and developed from start to finish on my own. The pattern is in my mind and if I had to make it again, it would probably turn out differently because that's how my mind works - I go with the flow and wing it as I go. This kitchen set is simple... but I like how it turned out:

Now, the nonsense about my son - the one who is turning into a teenage hellion: I am so blessed to have a support team of friends and family who are always willing to listen to my woes and to offer words of encouragement. Yesterday, I received an email from a very special friend, and I think that she summed things up perfectly. I wanted to share her words because I believe they apply to any teenager who is struggling to find their way, regardless of the actual situation - I do believe that this observation is spot on and applies to all teenagers:

John. Sigh. From the outside looking in I see a young man who rebels as his way of being ‘normal’ and taking control of his life since otherwise he is not normal and not in control of his body, his situation. it is the only way he has come up with to be a ‘normal’ teen.  Then he will be viewed as the bad ass and not the sick kid.  Again, only my two cents. By dancing with the law he is not pitied or babied as he probably is by other adults in his life. You and others react with anger and other strong feelings instead of letting him slip by because of his condition. He is testing you and others….’look what I did – love me still?’. He may have felt that your love and support came from his illness – especially with a gorgeous and successful sister going before him.  maybe if he sees that his actions might have dire consequence he may rethink them….juvie hall? “prison school” ? (something we have here) some other form of institutionalization? If he realizes you cannot cope with his actions and will not tolerate them….. I don’t know. this is a tough one.

And so to this friend, I say thank you... thank you for putting things into perspective and for helping me see outside of the problem that is so close to my heart... so close, and painful, and frightening that I am often unable to see beyond the moment. After much consideration, I know she's right - John is at the stage where he is going to need to face outside consequences for his irresponsible and unacceptable actions, and when that happens, only then will he realize that my love for him is unconditional. Unfortunately, his consequences may be something that he pays for in ways that he has yet to think through. And so in the meantime, I continue to love, to pray, to support, to guide, and to live in constant fear that his actions are going to harm him in ways that a mother can't fix.

To end this entry on a positive note (and another bit of nonsense), I thought I'd share an elusive photo with you. This is the ONLY picture that has been taken of me and my husband in over ten years, and although I posted it on Facebook, I thought that it also needed to be added to the archives of the blog. I offer it as proof that I really am married... there really is a spouse... I really do love him... and he really does exist in more than just my mind:

 
Kelly and Jeff - photo taken shortly before our 20 year wedding anniversary.

As some final nonsense and a bit of daily trivia: Alyssa is home this weekend because she's been so sick at college, we decided to bring her home to her own bed and to see her own doctor. I'll be in full-blown mother mode for the next few days. And when all is said and done, that is the one thing that makes the most happy, even though I feel terrible that my college student is too sick to stay in the dorm!

Happy weekend to all - and to my own mother, I send happy birthday wishes. Smooches to you, Mom, enjoy your birthday and celebrate your life!

Happy {hearts} day from me to you!

Wishing all who stop by a day filled with love, romance,
happiness, and a whole lot of pink and red memories.

Smooch!

My idea of a perfect afternoon.

One of my very favorite people in the world is my little six year old friend, Miss B. I love spending time with her because she is funny and clever and oh-so smart. I get downright giddy when she stops by to play with the dogs because that means an afternoon of giggles. And she dances... she will actually dance with me when I turn on the music. One of our favorite things to do is share the iPod earbuds and dance to our favorite songs (she's a huge Carrie Underwood fan, so we sing and dance when Carrie is on the iPod).

At Christmas time, Miss B wrote Santa a letter requesting a sewing machine of her very own. In the letter, she included a paragraph explaining that it would be okay for her to have a sewing machine because her babysitter's mom (me) knew how to sew and would be happy to give her lessons. Good 'ole Santa - he came through with flying colors and Miss B is now the proud owner of her very own grown-up sewing machine. And me... well, I'm the teacher! But first off, I had to figure out how to use her machine since I was not familiar with the Janome brand. But now we have that figured out, and we are off and running with the sewing lessons.

Today we had Miss B's second sewing lesson. Honestly, I have not had this much fun in ages! It doesn't hurt that the pupil is a true natural and has taken to sewing like nobody's business. It also helps that she reads at a 4th grade level, so she is able to follow written instructions with ease. But the best part is that I love this girl. She is such a delight to be with - she makes me happy!

Here is a pictorial recap of today's lesson... these pictures make me smile:

Student and teacher (she's only six years old!)

Miss B does it all by herself... every single stitch!

Filling the finished bag with Valentines to take to school tomorrow.

Sweet success and a very happy girl!

A job well done and a great finished project. Cute model, too!

Did I mention she made this entire bag all by herself... in less than two hours... without any mistakes at all? Truly, the child has a gift. And you have to know that I am thrilled knowing that my favorite six year old has become the newest convert to my happy place.

Seriously, this is my idea of a perfect afternoon. The pictures make me smile, as does thinking about how much fun it is to spend time with Miss B. Add in some sewing... and... well... this is about as close to heaven as I've been in a long time.

You may have been wondering...

... where I've been. And because I don't want to offend those who are waiting for emails, and for the handful of people who loyally continue to check the blog, I provide this information:

Not fun. Without going into details, I will just say that I'm in the process of blood therapy, testing, procedures, and consulting with specialists. I'm also trying not to be mad at God, because although I know He is good, I'm not appreciating His sense of humor. First John, now me? I see nothing funny about that at all.

So there you have it: my absence is due to some physical difficulties and I am a tad bit overwhelmed, a whole lot stressed, and a quite a bit freaked out.

In order to keep the blog happy and upbeat, I thought I'd post a couple of sneak peek pictures of some of the projects I'd been working on before the health glitch:

The two projects above are items that I plan to add to the [maybe to happen] Etsy shop.

For the pillow, I made a cover/case that I placed on a small pillow that I use for back support when I am crocheting. I loved this fabric so much that I went back to the store and purchased three more yards. With the additional fabric, I think I am going to make some matching over-sized throw pillows for my sofa. What doesn't show up in the photo is the gold outlines around each flower - the fabric is exquisite and almost too classy for a pillow case. Had I known how fancy it was, I probably would have chosen something less formal to use as a back support. As it is, I think I now have a new favorite fabric-ever! I seriously love this fabric.

Current projects in the works are applique table settings as well as another 15 point star table centerpiece with matching placemats (more possible Etsy additions - if and when I decide to open a shop). However, the process is slow going due to the current health issues and so these projects are taking a long time to complete because when I'm not in the hospital or at medical appointments and therapies, I seem to be sleeping - the medication makes me so drowsy that I've even had to give up some of my favorite television shows (American Idol and Lost!). For those who know me, giving up my television shows is something I am not very happy about.

When all is said and done, I've decided that it often takes a crisis to remind me of how precious my health is. I am also reminded of how very thankful I am to have such a passion for sewing - it is my escape from the reality of this current crisis.

Oh, and about being mad at God... I'm not really mad at Him... but I do seriously question His timing. I guess his clock runs a bit differently than the one I am using.

Dorm Room Drama

Sad news from Alyssa: one of her roommates, Stephanie, attempted to commit suicide last Wednesday evening. She was taken away from the dorm by an ambulance while Alyssa was attending her night class. Alyssa knew that Steph was "threatening" to do something bad, but what she did not know was that when Stephanie made the threat she had already taken 70+ ibuprofen. Steph's mom arrived from Ohio at midnight on Wednesday while Steph was still in the hospital. I can't begin to imagine how terrifying that mother's drive must have been.

And now there is a lot of bad drama going on amongst the other roommates - they are mad at Alyssa for not leaving her night class and for not skipping sorority activities during all the excitement - and after telling Alyssa that she was heartless and that she needed "therapy", those two girls left campus to stay at Halie's house for the weekend, leaving Alyssa alone in the dorm for three days. Alyssa is so angry with them for making such a stink about "her" when what they should be concerned about is Stephanie's well-being.

As it stands, Stephanie was in the hospital for 3 days under psych observation. The school wanted her to be moved to a psych clinic for at least another week, but when she was released from the hospital, her mom took her home to Ohio. It doesn't sound like she will be allowed to return to the dorms, but whether she is kicked out of school is still up for debate. The RA has been in meetings with the faculty to discuss the options, and Steph's family is scheduled to meet with the Dean tomorrow. The school requested that Alyssa attend a mandatory counselling session this week to give her "official" report as to what happened on Wednesday. She also has to meet with the Dean to discuss the options and to share her thoughts on what happened. Needless to say, my daughter is not happy about being put in this situation.

All in all, a HUGE mess. Alyssa is plugging along with her classes as best as she can considering the circumstances, but she is pretty shook up. Sidenote: this is the same roommate who had to be transported by an ambulance last semester due to binge drinking and alcohol poisoning... so she was already on probation, which [I hope] will factor in to the decision of her being allowed to stay in school. I swear to all that is holy - Alyssa is a magnet to weird friends. She is always getting put in these odd situations. I almost wish she'd find a boyfriend so that she would not get so involved in the girl drama. Okay... not really... I don't want her to find a boyfriend... not yet, anyway.

In addition to being worried about Stephanie (whom I've met on four occasions), I feel terribly for my daughter. She is just beside herself with anxiety and frustration. And those ding-dongs who she lives with think that Steph will be back in school and living in the dorm by Wednesday. What the heck? They actually think the university will allow Stephanie to return after two major incidents? Give me a break. These girls are in la-la land.  However, in the event that the university does allow Stephanie to move back into the dorm room, Alyssa has requested a room change. The RA told her that the request will be moved to the top of the priority list if the situation deems it necessary. The problem with this scenario is that Alyssa really doesn't want to move. She is settled into the room she is currently living in, and although she is fighting with the other roommates, she is comfortable with the living arrangements.

 

On the bright side - Alyssa was officially initiated into the Chi Omega Sorority on Friday, and after three days of non-stop events, she is exhausted but thrilled. The weekend began Friday morning at 6:00 with a sunrise ceremony and from there it was full speed ahead with three days of initiation ceremonies and activities.  Apparently she received her "letters" on Friday morning - I guess those are like high school varsity letters (?). Whatever they were, they made her happy. She asked me to think about how to incorporate them into a quilt - and as we all know, I am all over that idea. I've already begun sketching out ideas for her to consider.

As I was trying to help Alyssa handle this crisis (via text messages and phone calls), I was once again reminded why being a teenager is so very difficult. These kids have pressure from all sides. I told Alyssa that this experience will make her stronger and will build character... and with those words, I thought I sounded like my mother! That is what I've become... my mother. Thankfully, my mom is a saint and if I come even a tiny bit close to offering the love and support to my children that she has offered me - I will have done my job.

Girl drama. I hate it... I hated it when Alyssa was living at home, and I hate it even more now - because the truth of the matter is that the older the girls are, the bigger the drama becomes.

Well, it's about time!

First things first: I invite you to put on your dancing shoes and join me in a celebration because I've been happy dancing for an entire week, and the party is still not over.

Drum roll please...

... John has returned to school! I can't tell you how thrilled I am. He needed to go back to school. And in spite of the fact that he is not physically as strong as we would like - emotionally, school is the best place for him right now. His world was becoming too small, and he deserves to experience so much more than what I am able to provide within the confines of this home; he needs to be in a classroom instead of with a tutor; he needs to be with his peers; and most of all - he and I need a break from the constant companionship that had become nearly oppressive.

So... we are celebrating! This is such great news, considering that in the past eight months John has only attended four weeks of school. That is a long time to be out of the classroom. It is also a long time for a mother to entertain and care for an almost 17 year old child. Additionally, it is a long time to give up my privacy as I hosted nurses and tutors all day-every day. And, since I'm being honest, I will admit that it is also a very long time to share my space and give up my freedom. Is that selfish of me? Probably. But at least I'm honest. *sigh*

The next "It's about time" item on the agenda: I mentioned in my last post that my husband gave me a wonderful new laptop for Christmas. Come to find out, the Vista program on the laptop was not compatible with the version of Photoshop Elements I was running. What a hassle that turned out to be - and frustrating? Oh my gosh! I was ready to pull my hair out. When we finally realized it was a compatibility issue, we were able to address the problem, which meant installing the new 7.0 trial version of PSE. More happy dancing in my house! I'd heard that 7.0 runs slow... it doesn't! I'd heard that there was a high learning curve for 7.0... there's not! I am in love with this program. It has solved all sorts of issues I've had in the past with the older version of Elements. And slick? Yeah, it's slick. The picture shows my pretty new desktop with the new pse icon (how great is that wallpaper background?). I took a screen shot of my computer screen just to play with the program - that's how happy it makes me. I will be purchasing the 7.0 upgrade before the 30 day trial is done. In my opinion, it is worth its weight in gold.

I have to offer a million thanks to my husband for spending entire days of his time in an attempt to get me up and running at full speed. His ability to find solutions to the problems we've encountered with switching from Explorer to Vista have astounded me. I am so thankful for his calm approach and neverending patience with my [sometimes outrageous] requests and demands. And in case anyone was wondering - I have learned to love Vista! It is way cool.

In celebration of the upgrade changes recently made - I'm going to share a great find with you. For those who are into actions when editing their photos, look what I stumbled across:

 

Here's the hyper-link to the site: CoffeeShop free downloads. I've played with a few of the actions, and they are fabulous. And free... how can you argue with that? These action programs are compatible with both Photoshop Elements and Photoshop CS - bonus!

Moving on to another "It's about time" subject... we finally got a little bit of snow.

 

It's about time! Last week the temps were in the single digits. Brrrr. It was so dang cold outside - it even hurt to breathe. And although I despise snow with every fiber of my being, I still feel like snow is part of the winter months, and if the temps are going to be frigid, I wanna see the white stuff. We only saw a few flakes last week - I guess it was too cold to snow. But today we saw the real thing. Snow, snow, snow. Not enough to really do anything with (like mess up the traffic or make a snowman), but just enough to satisfy my desire to watch it fall from the sky. PERFECT!

In other news, tomorrow is the inauguration of President Elect Barack Obama. Living in the region where this will occur is interesting, to say the least. I won't be attending any of the events because 1) I don't like crowds, 2) porta-pottys are gross, 3) it's too cold to endure watching something outside with thousands of strangers, 4) traffic will be a nightmare, 5) security issues (one of my personal phobias), and 6) this is all we have heard about on our local news for a full month - and I've OD'd on the inauguration, the cost, the attendance, the schedule of events, the menu, the attire, the road closings, the school closings (neither of my kids have school on Tuesday due to traffic and security concerns - yep, they even canceled the classes at Alyssa's university), etc., etc., etc. Instead of driving 16 miles to attend the inauguration, I'll be sitting in the warm comfort of my home watching it on the television. I'm looking forward to the changes that have been promised. But more than that, I am anxiously awaiting putting the inauguration behind us and moving ahead.

And finally - about the subject of an Etsy Shop: it's in the works. And because I'm anal about starting something new, I have been doing my research and have decided to build a small inventory before I open the store. I still don't have a name (all suggestions welcome), and I still have not decided on exactly what to put in the shop (again, suggestions are welcome). The first thing necessary was figuring out why my PSE program wasn't working since I can't open a store without being able to take pictures of the items that will be available. Now that I have solved that problem, I am ready to move forward with production. I'm hoping for a late February or early March opening - a lot will depend on whether I can keep John in school, thus freeing up my time for creativity (more happy dancing just thinking about all the things I want to make).

"It's about time". That's where my mind is at today. I'm ready for change - change in my life and change for our country. In the meantime, I will just keep happy dancing because I find it to be such a great way to celebrate the changes that are ahead.

Pink Hearts & Doggy Scarves

2009 started out with a very loud bang - and it is not the kind of bang I was hoping would ring in the new year. Therefore, in answer to the question, "where have you been?" I will just say this about that: parenting a wayward, rebellious, angry teenage son is nothing to blog about - I am emotionally worn out, and I have reached the end of my rope. But if I were to blog about the experience, words such as illegal, police, temptations, peer pressure, and trouble would surely be included. Having said that, I am just going to skip right over all other recent developments. (No one will ever accuse me of lacking the ability to tune out my reality!)

And so with the beginning of a new year, and a burning desire to maintain my sanity through all the craziness that surrounds me, I once again turned to the sewing machine - but before doing so, I loudly proclaimed to my family that I was going to my happy place, and may the good Lord help anyone who dared question my motives. Needless to say, they left me alone.

The first thing I did was an attempt to remind myself that love abounds even when disappointments occur. With that thought in mind, I went to the fabric store and purchased yards and yards of pink heart fabric because 1) I love pink, and 2) Valentine's Day is the next holiday on the calendar. After looking at the fabric for a few days, I came up with a pattern and design late one night when I was trying not to wallow in parenting hell. This Valentine table setting is nothing fancy, but it makes me happy. I made the circles using various sizes of kitchen drinking glasses. I made the strips using a rotary cutter and quilting ruler. The place mats were made by tracing something else I had sewn last summer. All applique work was sewn with my Baby Lock machine using the applique stitch and contrasting thread. Easy, breezy, pink heart fun!

Here is what I ended up with to remind myself that love is all around:

After completing the pink heart project, I still had oodles of fabric left over, and so I sketched out a pattern similar to something I had seen last fall at a craft fair. I've been wanting to make one of these circle thingies for ages, but could never figure out how to do so. It took me four attempts to get the measurements right, and I ended up throwing the first three prototypes away. I finally recruited my husband to help me out and together we were able to calculate the proper cutting lines and exact dimensions. Without his calm approach and exceptional patience, I doubt I would have ever been able to complete this design. As it is, I've now made two sets and have the entire project down to a single day. I'm thinking about opening an Etsy Shop, and so this was a test project. I'm still undecided about the Etsy Shop, but in the meantime, I'm having fun thinking about it and working on possible inventory.

And finally, a just because story because this provided a laugh out loud moment when I needed it most:

The way my mom, Jenny, Debbie and I email each other is all together - so what one person writes, everyone reads (although I have to say that I think Jenny reads much more than she writes!). On Christmas day, Debbie sent an email wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and commented on the Christmas scarf that her dog, Sophie, was wearing. Apparently, Jenny had made the scarf for Sophie as a little doggy gift. Later that day, Jenny responded to the email saying that her dog, Chloe, had a Christmas scarf on as well. Harrumph. No scarves here in Virginia! I was feeling left out.

The following week, I had to sew up some new diaper wraps for my poor little pitiful dog who is still in a wheelchair due to paralysis. When I was done with the dreaded project (I really hate sewing doggy diaper wraps), my husband commented that Misty was the best dressed dog in the whole wide world. I told him that she was NOT the best dressed dog because she did not warrant an Aunt Jenny Christmas scarf. I also passed the comment along to my sister via the family email route, making sure she knew that I noticed the scarf favoritism.

Later that week, Jeff went out to the mailbox and when he came inside, he was chuckling to himself. He then waved a letter in front of me and said, "Misty got mail." I grabbed the envelope and tore it open to discover a lovely new Aunt Jenny scarf made especially for Misty. Oh happy day! Doggy mail. What fun! If I open an Etsy Shop, dog scarves will definitely be included in the inventory. These scarves are so stinkin' cute!

That my sister would make Misty a scarf and send it to my dog in the mail made me laugh until I cried. The scarf arrived on a day when John and I had been going at each other like never before, and I was to the point of throwing in my parenting towel and going on a very long vacation to Never-Neverland. I so greatly appreciate the fact that Jenny saw humor in my utter disgust that Misty was overlooked at Christmas time. That she would spend her day off making a doggy scarf meant more to me than anything else at that moment in time, and it reminded me that no matter how far away she lives, my sister is there just when I need her most. Three cheers for Jenny - she made me laugh! I love you, sis.

Oh... good news: I have a new laptop. It's a Sony Vaio that is sangria red and it is absolutely wonderful. When I opened this gift from my husband on Christmas Day, I was utterly speechless (I thought I was getting a new coffee maker). It's taken me a while to figure out how to transfer programs and such, but I think I have finally figured out how to work with the pictures using Vista, which was the most important thing to learn, second only to trying to remember my user names and passwords for various personal files and websites. If things on the blog look wonky, the fault is solely my own due to inexperience with the laptop and Adobe.

A very belated Happy New Year to all. My hope is that it only gets better, because if it gets any worse, a trip to Never-Neverland just still might happen.

Now this is Christmas!

Alyssa is home! And she brought her roommate with her. What a treat it has been to have both girls home for the holidays. Haley works at The Patriot Center and she was unable to go home until after her pay period ended, so she joined our family for a few days while she traveled back and forth from the campus of GMU to our house. It was so much fun seeing these girls together - they truly are like sisters. They spent the first few days of their winter break playing with my scrapbook supplies, watching movies, and sleeping... these girls know how to sleep!

And so with Alyssa home, our house has become a whirlwind of activity before the holiday. We've had Haley coming and going, Alyssa working the overnight shifts at Hollister, John trying to keep up with his tutors, nurses and social life, and me trying to finish up last minute Christmas preparations. At one point, we had Haley packing to go home while another friend moved into the guest room just three hours later - barely time to change the sheets and wash the towels! That same night, we had one of John's friends crashed out on our downstairs sofa while John and his girlfriend watched a movie in the upstairs family room... five teenagers all at once! The front door just kept revolving, leaving my head spinning and my pantry emptying faster than I could keep up. Note that this activity occurred at 2:30 in the morning and I was left to wonder exactly what sort of hours these college girls keep while living on campus with no rules at all.

It's been fun, but I just can't keep up with the teenagers.

Through it all, I managed to finish the final holiday sewing project:

 

This is a child's size 8 apron that I made as an anonymous donation to a family our neighborhood sponsored this Christmas (Simplicity Pattern # 4286). I had so much fun sewing something for a little girl - it brought back many memories of years gone by when I used to make Alyssa's Christmas dresses each year. I had forgotten how cute those little girl projects can be (and now I want grand babies, but I'm going to keep that wish to myself for a few more years!).

Speaking of neighbors: one of my neighbors had the wonderful idea that we all work together this holiday season and sponsor a family from a local church. She organized the project like a pro and we began gathering gifts in early November. Yesterday she hosted a wrapping party -

 

Participating in this project has been my greatest reward of the season. I was overwhelmed seeing the generosity of my friends and neighbors, and I was honored to have been asked to make the apron for a deserving little girl. In addition to the apron, Alyssa and I shopped for the mother. We had fun selecting items that we thought would make her life easier (jumbo sized bath towels), and more relaxing (a new coffee maker). As I spent the afternoon with my neighbors, I was reminded that when everyone gives a little, the result turns out to be a lot. It is my sincere desire that we make this an annual holiday tradition because this is really what Christmas is all about.

While at the wrapping party, Alyssa was able to spend time with our very favorite six year old friend. I almost stared to cry as we walked in the door and Little Miss B ran across the room and threw herself into Alyssa's arms. She held on very tightly and didn't want to stop hugging Alyssa - the look on her face was pure love and adoration. Afterwords, Alyssa told me that seeing Miss B was what she had been looking forward to more than anything else this holiday season.

 

When I take a minute to stop and soak it all in, I realize that this is what Christmas feels like: family, friends, love, laughter, and joy - and I am thankful to be blessed with these gifts - because I know that each moment is a memory and each memory is a treasure.

From my house to yours, I wish you a very Merry Christmas as you gather treasured memories of your own this holiday season.

Twitch

I've had a twitch in my lower left eye lid for the past four days. It began shortly after I received a phone call from Alyssa last Thursday night. She was sobbing and inconsolable. No mother is happy when they hear their child cry, especially when said child is not living at home and is freaking out. I felt so helpless, because, really... what could I do? She is away at college. I am not there to offer a shoulder to cry on - instead, all I had were empty words of comfort. Come to find out, Alyssa was not handling her final exams well, which is completely understandable for a first year college student. Knowing that, however, does not make it easier on the mother.

So, my eye started to twitch. And it twitched all weekend long. I guess I'm not handling the situation with the nurse - and now the situation with a stressed out college student - very well. I thought that the bit with the nurse was fine since, after a million phone calls, we finally did get a nurse out to our house last week. Seemingly, that should have put that problem to rest. But what I didn't realize was that I have internalized a lot of anxiety about John's transition to sub-q infusions - and by internalizing, I mean I can't let John know that this is something that I'm really nervous about because the responsibility of his care now rests completely on my shoulders, whereas, always before I've had a nurse to depend on when it comes to needles and serums and all the other stuff that goes along with an infusion.

 

This is what I am now responsible for. John says that he will be in charge of his therapy from here on out, but when I look at these supplies, I am wondering how he really feels about this change we are about to make. For people not in the medical field, the sight of needles and a Sharps container can be quite intimidating... well... they intimidate me, that's for sure.

And then there's this:

 

That's my driveway and my yard. This is what I woke up to at 7:00 this morning. And the minute I looked out my dining room window, that darn twitch went into a full speed twitch mode. Twitch. Twitch. I'm finding it difficult to concentrate on much of anything with a twitch that is going a hundred miles an hour.

I've been told that the hole in my yard is due to Vios. What the heck is Vios? And why is everyone but me so happy about this? Seriously... it's hard to be excited about something that creates this kind of a mess with my yard - even if it is something really cool (which I wouldn't know, since I have no idea what Vios is in the first place).

Twitch.

And so here's how I'm coping:

Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter. This is my version of mindless escape. And I'm not kidding when I say that the only time my eye has not twitched since last Thursday night is when I'm reading these books. Yep... I've read 4 books since Thursday. That's how I cope - I bury my nose in a book and I completely shut out the rest of the world. Thankfully, my husband knows when to let me do this, and when my eye starts to twitch, he always steps back and allows me to escape my reality. AND HE COOKS! What more can I ask for? Well, I could ask that my eye stop twitching, but at this point, I don't think that is going to happen until Alyssa is home for the holidays, John's first sub-q therapy is successfully completed, and my yard is put back together. Geez, I hope my yard does not look like this all winter long - I seriously think I would go insane if my eye were to twitch for that many weeks and months.

Twitch.

Twitch.

Twitch.

Unbelievable - and in my opinion, inexcusable.

Note: this entry is medical related. I don't have pictures and it's not a very fun topic. However, I've been working up a "mad" for an entire week, and I need to document what is happening to my son.

For information purposes - John's official diagnosis is most clearly described as follows:

Primary Immunodeficiency (PI)

The immune system acts to protect the body against infections caused by bacteria and viruses. In the immune system, white blood cells and antibodies called "immunoglobulins" (Ig) identify and destroy these invaders. When an immune system is incomplete or not working properly, this is called primary immunodeficiency or PI.

People with PI who have difficulty fighting infections due to low levels of immunoglobulin production can benefit from a temporary increase of Ig. This replacement Ig is made from human plasma and can be given to help prevent infections. This is called "immunoglobulin therapy," or "Ig therapy.

What types of Ig therapy are available?

People living with PI can benefit from "infusions" of Ig, which can be given three ways:

• Just below the skin - this is called subcutaneous Ig, or "Sub-Q Ig"
• Through the vein of the patient's arm - this is called intravenous Ig or "IvIg"
• Through an injection into the muscle - this is called intramuscular injection or "IM Ig"

For the past three years, John has received IvIg therapy. These are the infusions that I've written about. They are a nightmare due to the amount of time each infusion takes, as well as a scar tissue problem that has developed over time which causes John's veins to collapse and has now become very painful.

The goal all along has been to transition John to Sub-Q Ig because his IvIg treatments tend to have a "wear off" effect where the levels drop between infusions - compromising his health as well as his quality of life. Add in John's vein problems and multiple needle sticks, and it only makes sense that we look for a better way of doing things. However, John has been disagreeable with the Sub-Q plan because he is in denial and he keeps telling us that he doesn't want medical help and is, therefore, not going to proceed with treatment once he turns eighteen.

After a particularly painful infusion last month, John finally agreed to try Sub-Q, which is self administered one hour a week. His reasoning was that he can no longer trust anyone to administer the medication properly, so he is now ready to take charge of his life. I don't blame him...  the infusion from hell lasted ten hours. There was blood all over the place - clothing, carpeting, skin, equipment... all those things covered in blood. John's arms had been poked so much that they were turning black and blue before the nurse even left our home. Who wants to live like that? Certainly not my rebel son.

So off we went the very next day to meet with the Immunologist. The Immunologist was thrilled when he heard that John was ready to make the Sub-Q transition. He's been encouraging John to try this form of treatment for the past several months, but he felt that John had to make the decision on his own. The doctor immediately placed an order for one year of weekly Sub-Q infusions before we left his office. And then off we went, thinking that we had a new plan of attack and that John's quality of life would soon improve.

Last Monday I received a call from the company that makes the serum that will be used for Sub-Q. They informed me that Sub-Q treatments could not begin without one more IvIg infusion because there is a window of five to seven days required for the transition - this is to prepare the body to be most receptive to the new form of treatment. We had missed the window, so we needed to create a new window. When I told John that he had to have one more infusion, he was furious. Finally I talked him off that ledge and he agreed to go along with this plan, which was a good thing because the injection serum was already en-route to our home (it has a short shelf-life, it is very expensive, and it is in short supply and high demand - when we get the serum, we like to use it immediately as to not deny someone else treatment).

I then called the nursing company to schedule a nurse - something I have done every twenty-one days for the past three years. And this is where I started working on my "mad". I was informed by the nursing company that they would "no longer service John, due to the length of time it takes to infuse him, as well as their inability to find viable veins."

Are you kidding me? This is our health care system we are talking about. Since when do they get to pick and choose which patients they will service? What deems a patient serviceable? And who is the judge of that in the first place? Who is the suit in the office who sits behind a desk and says, "This patient will be cared for because their treatment is easy to administer, but this patient will not be cared for because they are more time consuming and difficult to work with?" What gives these people the right to deny service to my child? We are insured. They are compensated fully for their time, and I know that they are paid in full each month. But because my son's treatment takes too long, and because his veins are shot, they have all of a sudden decided to drop him from their patient care list.

The thing that makes me the most angry is that we are at the height of cold and flu season. John cannot afford to delay treatment, and treatment delayed due to a bunch of political red tape makes it far worse. Even a weeks delay could cause John's immune system to crash. And if that happens, we are looking at far more than a single day's treatment - we will be looking at hospitalization and a potential serious health crisis. But because John is no longer the ideal patient, we have no nursing service to provide the critical care that he needs. Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this picture?

All last week, my anger churned. This week, I'm beyond angry. I am now infuriated. To say that this is unbelievable is putting it mildly. I now loudly proclaim that this is an inexcusable way to treat a patient.

For one full week, I've voiced my opinion to every power that be I can think of. Finally, someone listened, and as of today, the drug company who makes the Sub-Q serum is working on finding a nurse to service John. I have no idea what to expect - all I can do is pray that this problem is remedied quickly (well... pray and keep raising a ruckus over this fiasco). Supposedly, I will hear from someone this afternoon. My hope is that today is not too late. And my prayer is that there are angels looking after my son.

Thanksgiving Wrap Up - {a pictorial review}

Thanksgiving 2008 turned out to be my favorite Thanksgiving ever! The close runner up Thanksgiving was eight years ago when Alyssa and I flew to the PNW for Jenny and Chris's wedding - that was one for the record books - it was wild! I can't come close to hostessing an event that rivals Jenny's wedding, because when it comes right down to it, I think my house is relatively boring. However, when a home is filled with aunts and uncles, brothers and sisters, teenage cousins and three hyper dogs - there is love, and wonderful memories are made in spite of the lack of excitement.

My heart overflowed with joy as I spent the day with my favorite people:

 

Listening to cousins laughing together is one of the nicest sounds on earth:

 

Buddy has a new girlfriend - he fell in love with Lon and Debbie's dog, Sophie. Poor Sophie - Buddy would NOT leave her alone. He was so enamored with her and he followed her everywhere. He even waited for her outside the bedroom door when she was sleeping. When it was time for Sophie to potty outside, Buddy wanted to join her, and he impatiently waited for her to return. He seemed lonely when she went home - and had to sleep all day to recover from his courting efforts. Sophie played hard to get... Buddy was insistent with his intentions, and I think all that tail chasing must have worn him out.

 

Our honored guests traveled from Pennsylvania to our home in Virginia:

 

Alyssa was home for the holiday - I am always happiest when I am with my children (and I'm even happier when they let us take pictures):

 

All in all, this holiday was a day to remember and I would not change a single thing. Okay... I might change one thing: 20 lbs of turkey was a little much for seven people - I am still stuffed!

Tomato Girl

Every once in a while, I stumble across a book that I cannot put down - a story that touches my soul and that will stay with me for the remainder of my days. Jayne Pupek's debut novel, Tomato Girl, is one of those books.

The first paragraph had me hooked:

"Jars line my cellar shelves. Some are filled with fists of yellow-veined tomatoes. Others hold small onions and chopped leeks, white pearls floating in an opaque sea. Sometimes the light falls on a jar of boiled quail or the slick, dark meat of a rabbit. There are unexpected moments when I see the slit of an infants mouth, or the curl of a tiny fist behind the glass, and I run up the steps, back into the open light of sky. I gasp for air and tell myself the past is a distant thing, no longer able to reach me or hurt me. And yet, at times, it seems the past will always send its long thin fingers toward me, reminding me of all I want to forget."

Tomato Girl is far and above the best book I have read this year. In fact, it may be the best book I have read in a decade. True, it is dark and haunting... so much so that when I fell asleep at 4:00 in the morning after finishing the book, I dreamed of the child Ellie, and in my sleep I wept for her. Yet Tomato Girl is also beautiful because it is a love story... not a pretty love story, but a love story of human nature and of what love leads people to do.

Until yesterday, I had not heard of this book. Where have I been? Why are people not talking about Tomato Girl? Why have I not seen this book lining recommended reading shelves? I accidentally stumbled across the book while shopping at Costco, and I purchased it without having ever heard of the author or the title, which is why I am sharing the information with others - run, don't walk, to your nearest bookstore and buy this book. It is a must read because although the story is haunting, this is a story that will never be forgotten, and the ending gives hope in spite of the darkness that was Ellie's life.

Tomato Girl is the perfect book club book, and it will most certainly be my selection when it is my turn next to pick. Readers will discover much depth in the quirky and unusual characters as the story twists and turns over the course of one spring. Ms. Pupek draws a unique picture of a small southern community that suspects but doesn't realize the severity of the mental illness Ellie's mother suffers. Tomato Girl is the story of a family that comes apart while trying to hide a secret. It is the story of the community that does the best they know how for an eleven year old girl whose sole desire is to protect her father and take care of her mother. It is a story of love.

Publisher's Weekly writes: "Absorbing, unsettling... [An] accomplished debut."

After reading Tomato Girl, I have to agree with Publisher's Weekly - I am left a bit unsettled, and yet the story touched me to the core. I anxiously await future books by this author.