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Memorial Day Memories and Traditions

Beach-circa-approx-1975 When I was growing up, I was surrounded by extended family. I was as close to my aunts, uncles and cousins as I was to my own siblings. We did everything together because my mom had two sisters and they raised us as one, big, happy family. It was such a fun way to be raised, and it has given me hundreds upon hundreds of memories.

This old photo was one of the last pictures taken before my grandmother passed away - it shows all the gang at the beach. The cabin porch we were sitting on still stands. In fact, my mom now lives right across the street from this cabin, and the kids in the picture who were babies are now grown up and have families of their own. This weekend the baby in the picture, Luke, is staying in the cabin with his own children. His mom and dad are there too, staying in the cabin next door. It is a tradition for my entire family to gather at the beach on all holidays, and although I participated in the tradition when I lived in Washington state, I have not been to the beach on a Memorial Day for the past seventeen years. To say that I get very homesick during the holiday would be putting it mildly, especially considering that everyone is still holding fast to what has become a tradition passed down through the generations.

The good news is that this year my brother started a Memorial Day Weekend tradition of our own. It's only been a few months that I've had extended family located on the east coast near me - I still get giddy when we see each other. And so when my brother, Lon, called and asked if we would like to go to a Washington Nationals baseball game to kick off the weekend, I couldn't have been more excited. This is the first Memorial Day Weekend in seventeen years that I have spent with family. And because I am a sentimental fool, little things like this mean a lot to me.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and so without further ado, I present a pictorial recap of our weekend. We had so much fun, and for the first time in many years, I can honestly say that I am not homesick. I still miss my cousins and the gang, but it doesn't hurt quite as much when I am spending time with my brother who shares the same childhood memories.

Memorial Day Weekend in review:

We rode the metro to the ball field. Alyssa is the metro pro, so she had to help me figure out how to buy tickets for six!
Inside metroBuying metro tickets

After a metro ride and a mile walk, we finally arrived at the ballpark.
Riding the MetroTake me to the ballgame

Here we go - it's game time!
Entering stadiumBallpark

Since Debbie and I had the cameras, we had to take pictures of ourselves!
Lon & Boys at the gameKelly & Debbie

This is the view from our seats - we had GREAT seats!
View from our seats Homerun!-01

And finally, a picture my brother and me, along with a picture of Buddy kissing his girlfriend, Sophie - he loves her to excess... but she still ignores him and continues to play hard to get.

Lon-&-Kelly-on-deck-01

 Buddy's Girlfriend

I still get homesick on the holidays, but I have come to discover that making my own traditions is the best way to move on. It's taken me many years to come to this realization... maybe I was holding on too tightly to the old traditions? But now that Lon and Debbie live on the east coast, things are looking up. And at the end of the day, it doesn't matter that it's taken me seventeen years to figure it out - what matters is that I've finally done so and we are now making our own memories and traditions.

Happy Memorial Day to those I love. And to my cousins at the beach: I hope you had a grand time playing in the sand, riding the bikes, eating bbq, and sitting around the campfire. You are in my thoughts this weekend - I love you and miss you.

Kelly

Happy {hearts} day from me to you!

2009 Universal VD wish

Wishing all who stop by a day filled with love, romance,
happiness, and a whole lot of pink and red memories.

Smooch!
Kelly

Now this is Christmas!

Alyssa-&-HaleyAlyssa is home! And she brought her roommate with her. What a treat it has been to have both girls home for the holidays. Haley works at The Patriot Center and she was unable to go home until after her pay period ended, so she joined our family for a few days while she traveled back and forth from the campus of GMU to our house. It was so much fun seeing these girls together - they truly are like sisters. They spent the first few days of their winter break playing with my scrapbook supplies, watching movies, and sleeping... these girls know how to sleep!

And so with Alyssa home, our house has become a whirlwind of activity before the holiday. We've had Haley coming and going, Alyssa working the overnight shifts at Hollister, John trying to keep up with his tutors, nurses and social life, and me trying to finish up last minute Christmas preparations. At one point, we had Haley packing to go home while another friend moved into the guest room just three hours later - barely time to change the sheets and wash the towels! That same night, we had one of John's friends crashed out on our downstairs sofa while John and his girlfriend watched a movie in the upstairs family room... five teenagers all at once! The front door just kept revolving, leaving my head spinning and my pantry emptying faster than I could keep up. Note that this activity occurred at 2:30 in the morning and I was left to wonder exactly what sort of hours these college girls keep while living on campus with no rules at all.

It's been fun, but I just can't keep up with the teenagers.

Through it all, I managed to finish the final holiday sewing project:

Child's-Apron-Front-&-Back 

This is a child's size 8 apron that I made as an anonymous donation to a family our neighborhood sponsored this Christmas (Simplicity Pattern # 4286). I had so much fun sewing something for a little girl - it brought back many memories of years gone by when I used to make Alyssa's Christmas dresses each year. I had forgotten how cute those little girl projects can be (and now I want grand babies, but I'm going to keep that wish to myself for a few more years!).

Speaking of neighbors: one of my neighbors had the wonderful idea that we all work together this holiday season and sponsor a family from a local church. She organized the project like a pro and we began gathering gifts in early November. Yesterday she hosted a wrapping party -

Adopted-Family-Gifts 

Participating in this project has been my greatest reward of the season. I was overwhelmed seeing the generosity of my friends and neighbors, and I was honored to have been asked to make the apron for a deserving little girl. In addition to the apron, Alyssa and I shopped for the mother. We had fun selecting items that we thought would make her life easier (jumbo sized bath towels), and more relaxing (a new coffee maker). As I spent the afternoon with my neighbors, I was reminded that when everyone gives a little, the result turns out to be a lot. It is my sincere desire that we make this an annual holiday tradition because this is really what Christmas is all about.

While at the wrapping party, Alyssa was able to spend time with our very favorite six year old friend. I almost stared to cry as we walked in the door and Little Miss B ran across the room and threw herself into Alyssa's arms. She held on very tightly and didn't want to stop hugging Alyssa - the look on her face was pure love and adoration. Afterwords, Alyssa told me that seeing Miss B was what she had been looking forward to more than anything else this holiday season.

Alyssa-&-Miss-B 

When I take a minute to stop and soak it all in, I realize that this is what Christmas feels like: family, friends, love, laughter, and joy - and I am thankful to be blessed with these gifts - because I know that each moment is a memory and each memory is a treasure.

From my house to yours, I wish you a very Merry Christmas as you gather treasured memories of your own this holiday season.
Kelly

Thanksgiving Wrap Up - {a pictorial review}

Thanksgiving-2008Thanksgiving 2008 turned out to be my favorite Thanksgiving ever! The close runner up Thanksgiving was eight years ago when Alyssa and I flew to the PNW for Jenny and Chris's wedding - that was one for the record books - it was wild! I can't come close to hostessing an event that rivals Jenny's wedding, because when it comes right down to it, I think my house is relatively boring. However, when a home is filled with aunts and uncles, brothers and sisters, teenage cousins and three hyper dogs - there is love, and wonderful memories are made in spite of the lack of excitement.

My heart overflowed with joy as I spent the day with my favorite people:

Thanksgiving-Joy 

Listening to cousins laughing together is one of the nicest sounds on earth:

Thanksgiving-Cousins 

Buddy has a new girlfriend - he fell in love with Lon and Debbie's dog, Sophie. Poor Sophie - Buddy would NOT leave her alone. He was so enamored with her and he followed her everywhere. He even waited for her outside the bedroom door when she was sleeping. When it was time for Sophie to potty outside, Buddy wanted to join her, and he impatiently waited for her to return. He seemed lonely when she went home - and had to sleep all day to recover from his courting efforts. Sophie played hard to get... Buddy was insistent with his intentions, and I think all that tail chasing must have worn him out.

Buddy-goes-courting 

Our honored guests traveled from Pennsylvania to our home in Virginia:

Thanksgiving-Cardons 

Alyssa was home for the holiday - I am always happiest when I am with my children (and I'm even happier when they let us take pictures):

Thanksgiving-Edges 

All in all, this holiday was a day to remember and I would not change a single thing. Okay... I might change one thing: 20 lbs of turkey was a little much for seven people - I am still stuffed!

Thanksgiving - Then & Now

Moving-to-Wisconsin-1991On a cold and rainy November day in 1991, Jeff, Alyssa, a dog, a cat, and a very pregnant Kelly boarded a plane and moved from the Pacific Northwest to Wisconsin. I was scared to death... not because of the flight or the weather, but because of the move. My mom kept telling me that it was an adventure - I didn't want an adventure. All I wanted was to enjoy my babies surrounded by my extended family. Of course, life doesn't always go the way we plan, and so off on an adventure I went.

That was seventeen years ago. The first night we lived in Wisconsin, it snowed 15 inches. I had never seen so much snow in my entire life, and I learned right away that snow was not something I would ever learn to love. The first week we lived there, I didn't leave the house because 1) I didn't know how to drive in the snow, and 2) my pregnant belly was too large to fit behind the wheel of a car... I couldn't have reached the pedals to drive even if I would have fit in the car - I was HUGE (and oh-so emotional). Life in Wisconsin was not off to a good start, and because it was the week before Thanksgiving, I honestly thought I would die of homesickness.

Come Thanksgiving day, I tried to make the best of what I considered to be the worst possible situation in the world, and I cooked a turkey. It was my first Thanksgiving away from home in all of my 28 years, and I called my mom a million times asking for cooking instructions and begging for updates as to what was happening at her house - the only place I wanted to be on Thanksgiving day. I don't remember how the turkey turned out, but I will never forget all that snow. I also remember crying so hard that I couldn't breathe. And I remember sitting on the bathroom floor talking to my mom on the phone saying over and over again that I wanted to go home.

Since that long ago Thanksgiving day, I have spent only two Thanksgivings with my extended family. Through the years, I have come to resent the holiday because it always reminds me of those feelings of helplessness and aloneness that scarred me so deeply as I sat on that bathroom floor and sobbed my eyes out.  In fact, I have not looked at the pictures posted above in seventeen years because up until now, I couldn't bear to relive the day we moved away from my beloved Pacific Northwest and my wonderful family.

So what makes me write about this now? Not much has changed. We still live far away from my family. I still won't be with my mom on Thanksgiving. I still have to cook a turkey and pretend that I am happy spending an entire day in the kitchen (for those who don't know - I despise cooking, and I do so as little as possible. I have, however, learned how to make a mean turkey, although it is not something I particularly enjoy doing). Well... what makes it different is that this year I have the honor and the pleasure to be the hostess to my brother, Lon, and his wife, Debbie, and their son, Casey... my FAMILY! On Thursday, they are driving to Virginia from Pennsylvania and will be spending part of the weekend in our home. They will sit at my table and eat the turkey that I have cooked - and this year, I don't even mind cooking. And... they are bringing their dog! That means we will have seven people and three dogs celebrating and giving thanks... in MY home! I won't have to pretend to be happy this year... my heart will overflow with joy.

Seventeen years... that is how long I have waited for extended family members to join us at our Thanksgiving table. I almost don't know what to do when it comes to adding more than the 4Edges to the mix. I'm giddy with delight over this turn of events, and for the first time since I sat on the bathroom floor and cried, I am looking forward to the holiday.

Today I can finally look back at then, as I excitedly experience now, and I sincerely give thanks.

Santa's sleigh has left the building

Heidigraceholidayscissor

How cute are these Heidi Grace Special Edition holiday scissors made by Fiskars? I've been using them for the past several days and I just can't get over how cute they are. They cut like a dream and they add a very festive appeal to holiday projects and crafts. Today I used the green. Yesterday I used the red. Tomorrow, I'm giving them a rest!

I heard on the news this morning that December 17th would be the busiest day of the year for the U.S. Postal Service this year. One billion packages, parcels and letters are expected to be processed by the end of today. Grrrrrreat. The only thing on my Monday to-do list was to finalize wrapping, packaging, and mailing Christmas gifts to send to family and friends who live far away. It's nice to know that I'm about as average as they come as I joined the majority of holiday mailers who waited until the last possible second to send cards and packages this Christmas season.

I hate to admit it, but this is not the first year I have gone to the post office on the busiest day of the year. In fact, joining the masses seems to be part of my holiday routine because it has become an annual tradition for me to visit the post office on the busiest day of the year. And because it is something I've been doing for years, I have discovered what works and what does not work on this, the most busy day at the Post Office:

Kelly's Holiday Postal Secret: only go to the post office between the hours of 2:00 and 3:00 in the afternoon. This is the one single hour of the day when there are no crowds, because it is during this hour that most toddlers are napping, most school children are returning home, and most nine-to-fiver's are in their offices working. Therefore, Mommies are busy being mommies, professionals who run errands on their lunch hour are back at work, and most nine-to-fiver's have not yet left early for the day.

BINGO! It worked again this year. And when I left the post office at 3:00 on the nose, the line had tripled since I walked in the door. I swear by this secret!

Holidayshipping

And with that little holiday tip (my public service announcement for the month), I am pleased to announce that all Christmas cards have been mailed, all gifts for my family have been sent, and Operation Christmas Scarf has successfully been completed. Whew. It's been a busy several days.

Operationscarfbeforeaf

Last week I mentioned the scarf project. I'm so pleased with the results... not the results of the scarves (although I do think they turned out nice), but the results of what this project did for my holiday spirit - renewed... that's what it did - it renewed my spirit. When I began the project, I intended to make five scarves to give as small tokens of thanks to a handful of people. By the time I was through, I had made seventeen scarves, all of which were gently placed in the mail today. Each and every scarf was made with love and gratitude, which for me, is the true meaning of the Christmas - love and gratitude for Christ our Savior. Holiday gift giving is a way to celebrate the birth of Christ, and yet so often that is forgotten during the hustle and bustle of the season. By slowing down and taking the time to handcraft gifts of heart, I was able to take time to contemplate and celebrate the true meaning of Christmas. And so in the end, the recipient of the gift was me, not the people who will receive the packages. I feel so very blessed, and I am thankful that Operation Christmas Scarf helped me remember what Christmas is all about.

Off topic, but in keeping with recent events, I took these pictures yesterday right before a storm blew in. The winds gusted above 50 miles an hour all night long. And once the storm hit our area, it was a wild ride. Power came and went. Wind shook the windows and doors. And the house literally rocked on its foundation. About an hour after I took the pictures, I heard a very loud crash. It sounded like someone fell off a ladder, and it seemed to be coming from the kitchen. I ran into the kitchen to see what had happened, only to find Alyssa standing motionless in wide eyed shock right beside the sliding glass doors where a huge branch had blown against the glass and had wedged itself between the screen and the doors. The glass had deep scratches on it, but did not crack or break - which is a good thing since Alyssa was standing right there when the branch came flying.

Clouds03

By the time I left for the post office today (between the hours of 2:00 and 3:00), the storm has passed, and tonight I am happy to report that all is calm, all is bright in my little corner of the world. Tomorrow I plan to join the masses again as I pick up some last minute Christmas items. After that, I hope to spend the remainder of the season celebrating the birth of Christ as I enjoy time with my teenagers (they don't know it yet, but I have a game night planned).

procrastination, distraction, and more yarn

Procrastination: I have perfected this to a fine art. Add to that a tendency to become easily distracted and it is a wonder I get anything done at all.

When the week began, I had one project to complete - just one single goal: write the Christmas newsletter. Sounds easy. Should be easy. But it's not easy. And the reason it's not easy is because writing the newsletter is an emotional experience for me. While I compose the letter (which is more like a flier than an actual letter) I spend the entire time thinking of the people I will send it to - people I've not seen for years, family I will not be with during the holidays, and friends whom I miss dearly. Additionally, because I work from a master template that contains all of my letters from what seems like the beginning of time, I reminisce while I write because pictures of long ago are right there on the screen and I can't help but gaze at them and remember moments long past. And so every single year when newsletter time rolls around, I end up spending an entire day crying - not something I look forward to. And because I know it's going to be an emotional experience, I always procrastinate the project, which is exactly what I did this week.

Operationscarf001_3I had set Wednesday as my self-imposed newsletter completion deadline. But by Wednesday I had not yet begun to write. Instead, I had been been obsessing over an idea, and by Wednesday morning, I had decided that there was something more I needed to do this holiday season. Therefore, I'm blaming it all on procrastination - Operation Scarf was developed only because I was putting off writing the Christmas newsletter.

Yeah... I know... I need to make more scarves like I need a hole in the head. But I really wanted to make more scarves, and once I am set on an idea, I just can't let it go. And as Operation Scarf began to take shape in my mind, I started to compose a list of the people whom I wanted to make scarves for. Okay... the list got out of hand. There just aren't enough hours in the day to make scarves for every single person I know. There are, however, enough hours in the day to make a few more scarves before Christmas, and so off I went to AC Moore to buy more yarn (another thing I need like a hole in the head). Now here is the part where I got distracted: by midnight that same day, I had already made five scarves from those rows of yarn shown above. Pictures of the finished scarves will be posted soon, because my new self-imposed deadline is that everything - every single thing that has to do with Christmas - goes in the mail on Monday. There is no wiggle room on this because if I miss Monday, there is no guarantee that any of the packages will arrive before the 25th of December.

2007newsletter_2Anyways, that's where I was at when I woke up this morning - scarves on the brain, hands that were cramped and sore, and still no newsletter. But because time is ticking away, I had no choice. Today was the day that I had to face the music - tears, emotions, and all. True to form, I spent the afternoon wiping away tears as I walked down memory lane and remembered years long ago when Alyssa was baby doll obsessed and John couldn't live without his blue blankie. As I looked at more than a decade worth of memories, I was reminded once again that time is slipping away. And as I continued to review the history of my life, I made a startling discovery: the little people my kids used to be, are now the big people they have become. Traits they had as toddlers have developed into talents as teenagers. And tiny little quirks they used to have when they were little are now mannerisms that have become unique characteristics of who they have grown to be. I like this discovery. I guess I'd not made the connection before because not enough years had passed. But today I realized that I will always know my children. Even when they leave my nest, I will always know their character traits and mannerisms, because those are the very things that make them who they are, and I've come to love every single tiny little quirk and mannerism more than life itself. The thought made me happy!

And with that, I was able to proceed with the one project I had set out to complete this week. Tonight I am happy to share a peek of the Christmas Newsletter (don't try to read it if you are on my Christmas card mailing list - that wouldn't be any fun at all). It's done. It's not in the mail... but it's done, and that is progress.

And now, back to Operation Scarf...

A Peek at Last Week

Have you ever felt like running away, or going on strike, or just taking a break? That's how I felt last week. I came this --->*<--- close to doing just that. And of course the place I was going to run to was my mom's, because deep in my heart I will always be a mamma's girl. I just knew that she would appreciate me, and that she would not cop a senior attitude, nor would she do anything rebellious, and she definitely would not remind me incessantly to stick to a budget this month. Knowing that my mom would not give me grief every minute of every day, I even went so far as to check airfares and organize my suitcases. But then I decided to sleep on it... just to make sure that I was not doing anything rash. And it's a good thing I did, because when I woke up the next morning, the news was filled with reports of flooding and storms in the Pacific Northwest - right where I was planning to go. I don't imagine my parents would have appreciated me landing on their doorstep in the middle of a power outage, and I'm pretty sure I would have had a difficult time catching a flight into Sea-Tac. So it's a good thing that I didn't run away before sleeping on it. Those few precious hours made all the difference in the world.

And just like that, my thoughts turned from running away to worry and concern about my family. It was four days before I spoke with them - that's how long their power was out. When I finally heard from my sister, I felt pretty foolish for thinking that running away was the answer, especially considering that there are far worse things in life than a senior attitude, a rebellious son, and a budget conscious husband. But still... I was close, and I told my mom that the plan to run away is now on the back burner. I'm thinking that running away for a couple of weeks in February may be a good plan.

While I was stressing and fretting about my family possibly being washed away, we ended up with a bit of snow in Virginia - not a storm, by any means - but around here any snow is reason for cancellations and early dismissals. Since it was the first snow of the season, I admit that I enjoyed seeing the white stuff. During the holidays, I welcome snow. Any other time of the year... not so much.

Holidaysnowlights

Christmascrafts_2

Since I spent the first part of the week worrying, and the middle of the week not wanting to drive in the snow, I decided to get down to the business of holiday crafting - my favorite part of the season. I decided to alter a scarf pattern I've used in the past and I came up with my own combination using faux fur and boucle' yarn. I've already given two of the scarves away and both recipients were thrilled. My little 5 year old neighbor friend wrapped her new scarf around her neck and proceeded to dance and twirl like a beautiful princess. She then informed me that she has always wanted one of those fuzzy scarves! And John's nurse called me after she received her scarf to say that she was wearing it that very day as she headed off to Boston for her girl's weekend getaway. Apparently, crocheted scarves are still a big hit as holiday gifts. That's a good thing, because I really enjoy making them. And since I've already given several scarves to my family I'm running out of new recipients. I already own more than enough of these furry little wraps, so new recipients are good!

When I went to AC Moore to stock up on faux fur and boucle' yarn, I stumbled across some great 100% cotton yarn in holiday colors. Perfect! Crocheted dishcloths are great items to keep on hand to give in a pinch and to add as a personal touch to gift cards and such. I've been trying new dishcloth patterns and seem to have found one that works up quickly and stays square (square being the key word because it makes me crazy when the sizing is off once the project is complete). The picture above shows the baskets of holiday projects that I have been working on. The scarves and dishcloths are in one basket and an afghan in-progress is in the second basket. For some reason, seeing baskets filled with yarn makes me happy. Baskets of yarn are like piles of books - these are the things that offer comfort during the long winter months. And, like books, a girl can never have enough yarn. Yarn is fun!

CardsneakpeekframedLate in the week, after what felt like a year, I finally heard from my family. Once I knew that they had not washed away and they were safe and warm, I was able to move forward with the one project that takes over my every thought in December: Christmas cards. This year I had the grand plan of taking a picture of the kids and using the picture on the front of a card... you know... the "Perfect Picture." Every mom wants one. And some moms even get one. My hope was that *I* would be one of the lucky few this year. I put up the tree... I purchased the cards... and then I waited... and then I begged... and then I bribed... and then John got sick.

It was not to be. There will be no "Perfect Picture" this year. No time is a good time for teenagers to have their pictures taken - especially when one of those teenagers has a very bad case of senior attitude and the other teenager becomes a wee bit rebellious after being sick. Their schedules, their moods, their health, their whatever are not in sync and our Christmas photo shoot did not materialize. Thus, I had to proceed to Plan B. Plan B meant setting the easy-as-pie-stick-a-picture-on-the-front-store-bought-cards aside and starting from scratch. So I decided to design something digitally. No picture. Just my computer, some design elements and my imagination. Not my strong suit, but I was willing to tackle the job as I tried to make up for the loss of the "Perfect Picture." For a first attempt, I'm pleased. There are things I would change, but due to the time factor, the card I came up with will be just fine. (sneak peek in above photo)

Next comes the holiday newsletter to put inside the cards. Every year I say that I am going to retire the newsletter, and every year I decide to write just one more. And since this is Alyssa's last year at home, I think it would be a shame to quit now. So that's my project this week: the annual holiday newsletter (I know some people hate them, but I, for one, love them. These little newsletters are how I keep in touch with long distance friends and family and it is a highlight of the season when I receive them in the mail). And so I join the [tacky?] masses and will compose one more newsletter. Thankfully, HP generously loaned me a phenomenal 8350 photo printer and it's been a dream printing out the cards. I hope this printer works as well for plain text (with a couple of pictures included), because if it does, I may just have to go out and buy this printer - it's going to be hard to give up this little treasure!

And that brings me up to date. The week ahead is shaping up to be the normal-busy that includes medical appointments, postal runs, and the dreaded shopping (I seriously despise holiday crowds). In hindsight, I've decided it's a good thing I didn't run away. How on earth would I have tackled these projects at my mom's house? And that's the thing about running away... sometimes the thought alone is enough of an escape. Sometimes, a thought is all it takes to renew the spirit. I think that's what happened last week. My spirit was renewed.

An Epiphany

I had a little meltdown last Monday. Not a big one... just a good cry while I talked to my mom on the phone. Every year it's the same thing - the holidays hit and I experience an overwhelming sense of homesickness. Missing home is something I doubt I will ever outgrow. And from past experience, I know that these feelings of longing for my family don't diminish over time. In fact, I honestly think that my homesickness gets worse with every passing year. Why that is, I'm not sure. All I know is that the pain is there, and no matter what I do, it doesn't go away.

On Monday, it hit - that annual feeling of longing. The day began with a phone call from John's Immunologist. The news was not good: John's most recent blood reports show that his numbers are alarmingly low. What this means is that John is currently at high risk for infection and disease. This information is something I have dreaded for years, and although his numbers have been low in the past, I have never had a doctor phone me to directly to discuss the situation BEFORE John gets sick. Instead, we have always approached John's health care with methods that are proactive rather than reactive. With this most recent phone call, we are forced to proceed with the action phase of John's treatment. And that scares me. I am helpless as to making this go away. All I can do is trust the doctors, pray to God, and then sit back and hope that John's body is strong enough to fight whatever germs he comes in contact with (how I wish I could put him in a bubble and shelter him from the world, but what kind of life would that be? How realistic is that option? John would hate it, and his quality of life would be terrible, thus, it's not an option at all).

After my discussion with John's doctor, all I wanted to do was to be with my mother. I wanted her to tell me that everything would be okay. I wanted her to wrap me in her arms as only a mother can do - in that motherly way that says, "you're not alone." I wanted to share my burden with the one person who knows my true heart and who knows how very much I love my son. In my moment of fear, I reverted to my childhood and I longed for my mother. I've not seen her for two years, but we are still close in our hearts, and what that means is she is just a phone call away. And so that's what I did - I picked up the phone and I called her... and of course I immediately lost all composure and began to cry like a baby. But that's okay. A good cry was just what I needed. Voicing my fears and acknowledging my homesickness was the first step in my annual month long process of making it through the holidays alone. After I hung up, I was reassured that once again I would survive another holiday season. And that is exactly what I intend to do - I will accept nothing less than a season of joy, because that is what my kids deserve - it is my responsibility to carry on and make the holidays special for them. It's not about me, it's about them. I know that, but for a short period of time I had forgotten (a yearly memory lapse that requires an annual pep talk from my mother to help me put things into perspective).

For the rest of Thanksgiving week, I thought of homesickness and the pain that accompanies my longing. All week long, I obsessed about being homesick and why it is that every year seems worse than the last. I just couldn't let it go. And as I obsessed, and wondered, and wanted, and ached, something amazing happened - the ache that has become such an integral part of my holiday spirit was gone. I no longer felt anger and resentment. Instead, I was filled with a sense of peace. I didn't quite know what to do with this new feeling of peace, as it's not been part of my holidays for a very long time.

PeekattreeAnd so in keeping with my newfound peaceful feeling, I decided to put up the Christmas tree (something I dread doing every year, because once the tree is up, I know that I will not be going home for the holidays). And it was as I was decorating the tree, after a full week of contemplation, that I experienced an epiphany. Why it has taken me all these years to figure this out is beyond me. Maybe I'm just slow. Or maybe I wasn't ready to face the reality that was right there before me all along. Whatever the reason, it has taken me years to make this discovery - a discovery that may very well change my attitude forever: I have a good life. I like where I'm at. John has doctors who not only care for him, but who go out of their way to make sure that he remains well. Alyssa has grown up to be a wonderful young lady. And what it boils down to is this: HAD I NOT MOVED AWAY FROM HOME, NONE OF THIS WOULD BE POSSIBLE. But because I live where I do, and because I have made this specific journey on these exact roads, I am at this very place in my life.

If I did not live in Virginia, I would not have found one of the top rated Immunologists in the country to care for John. I would not been asked to work in the craft industry - an industry I love, and that has provided opportunities I consider to be golden. Alyssa would not have been challenged to overcome her own obstacles - obstacles that have allowed her a wonderful journey of personal growth and discovery. I would not have the friendships I have, because if I had never left Washington, our paths would not have crossed in the first place. I wouldn't even have my dog - my beloved companion of ten years, because had we not moved to Wisconsin, I would not have fallen in love with THIS DOG, at that moment in time. And on and on it goes...

My life is what it is because of where I'm at. It's that simple. I'm not home, I'm here. If I were at home, nothing would be the same, and my life would not be what it is at all.

I was shocked when I began looking at my situation in these terms. I am still homesick, but after sixteen years of intense anger and resentment about being forced to move across the country and leave all those I love behind, I am finally able to embrace my journey. In my mind, this discovery is my very own personal Christmas miracle. Never again will my heart be filled with animosity about not being able to go home for Christmas, because my home is right here. This is my life, and home is where I make it. From here on out, I will accept my situation with gratitude and thanksgiving. And even though I know I will always experience the pain and longing for my childhood home, no longer will I wish that we had not moved away to begin with. God has provided this journey as my personal challenge. And because of that, I have been blessed... blessed beyond measure as I wander the path before me.

It was an epiphany. That's all. Just a mind-blowing realization that allows me to view the holidays in a whole new way. I truly believe that when my journey on earth is through, this discovery will stand out as a turning point in my life. And when I look at it in those terms, I can't help but wonder why it is that I am just now figuring this out? Is there something else in store for me? And if so, what might that be?

A True Ghost Story in Honor of Halloween

Happy Halloween from our house to yours.

MistyscostumeNow that my kids are teenagers, they no longer go trick or treating. And as much as they like growing up, they are not liking the fact that they have outgrown the annual event of begging for candy. I think they also miss dressing up in costumes and acting goofy on this oddest of holidays (well, they still act goofy, but it's a different kind of goofy - the teenage kind of goofy, which is a whole 'nuther thing). I can't say that I miss the frenzy of the day, but I do admit that I miss taking pictures of little ghosts and goblins. And so keeping that in mind, we decided to dress Misty in a costume this year... you know... for the photo ops. Gotta tell you - she did NOT like her costume. I think she was embarrassed to be dressed so foolishly. She even tried to "run" away as I attempted to put the hat on her head. But these days, her running is more like bumbling, so she didn't get far. After a bit of a tussle, she gave in and let me do my thing - I think she knew I was bound and determined to win the Battle of the Costume - and when all was said and done, I did get my pictures. I am a satisfied mom. My kids, on the other hand... not so much... they want some candy!

Two years ago, I wrote the following as my Halloween entry. This story is true. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do:

Late last night I picked the girls up at the high school after the dance. When they got in the car, they were talking about ghosts. I couldn't make the correlation between homecoming, dancing, and ghosting, so I decided to sit back and listen. I never did make the connection, but sometimes, that is beside the point. As the girls were talking about hauntings and all things frightening, Alyssa started to tell them about our ghost. Then she said, "Mom, you tell the story, I was just a little girl and I really don't remember her."

After I told them the story, they were utterly and completely freaked out. I tried to explain to the girls that sometimes the unknown is not actually scary because it is dangerous, but rather because we are frightened of things we don't understand. I tried to impress upon them that sometimes, the unknown opens up new thoughts and ideas.

All day long, I've been thinking about my ghost. And so in honor of Halloween, I thought I'd share the story. This is something that I've been meaning to journal for a long time because, as last night reiterated, it is an integral part of my children's childhood memories. But before I get to the actual ghost, I have to give a little background:

When we were transferred from Tomah, Wisconsin to Neenah, Wisconsin, we spent several weekends looking for a house. At that time, there were not a lot of choices in Neenah, so the pickings were pretty slim. One weekend, Jeff decided that the only way we were going to find a house was to drive around the area until we found one we liked. As we were driving, we kept going past this house nestled way back in the trees. The For Sale By Owner sign was partially covered with overgrown brush. After driving by the house multiple times, Jeff turned to me and asked me to write down the number. He rattled it off and we kept on driving. That night as we sat down to dinner, he picked up the phone and called the number I had written down. Jeff then told the person on the other end of the phone that he was calling about the house for sale. The person responded with, "Our house isn't for sale." Jeff politely told the guy that he must have written the number down incorrectly. Well, the guy who answered Jeff's call was a chatty fellow, and he wanted to know what house it was we were interested in (Neenah is a small town where everyone knows everyone else). Jeff told him about the house in the trees and mentioned the name of the street. The guy said that the house we were inquiring about was located one street over. But he didn't end the conversation there; he proceeded to interview Jeff as to what exactly we were looking for in a house. He went so far as to ask our price range. Jeff and this guy were getting along splendidly and they exchanged telephone numbers before hanging up.

The next day, Jeff received a phone call from the wrong number guy, whose name was Mr. Shaning. Mr. Shaning told Jeff that he would sell his house to us. His house was not even for sale, but he was offering to sell it to us! So we made arrangements to look at the home that very day. It was almost perfect. It had nearly everything we were looking for, plus a whole lot that we had never dreamed of. Within a week, we had made arrangements to buy the house. The man's wife was a little taken back by all this and she was quite miffed that he was selling the house out from under her. Still, he pressed onward and the sale went through within a couple of months. During Jeff's trips back and forth from Tomah to Neenah, he got to know Mr. Shaning a little better as they processed the paperwork. Mr. Shaning told Jeff how the house had come to be built. This is what Jeff did NOT tell me before we moved into the home:

In 1983 there was a tornado in Neenah. As the tornado was approaching, Mrs. Shaning (the first Mrs. Shaning, not the current Mrs. Shaning) helped her elderly mother down to the basement. Then she ran back up the stairs to get the dog. The tornado hit just as she was entering the doorway to go back down to the basement. She was killed instantly as the tornado ripped through the house. The house was demolished in the tornado. All that remained was the foundation which housed the basement. For over a year, the foundation remained open and bare to the world. Mr. Shaning went about getting on with his life and couldn't deal with the thought of rebuilding the home where his wife had died. That same year, Mr. Shaning met a woman whom he later married (the second Mrs. Shaning). When they got married, the new Mrs. Shaning decided that she wanted to build a house, and what better location than to build right on top of the place where the first Mrs. Shaning died? So they built a new home on the original foundation. They lived there six years before we bought the house.

When we moved to Neenah, I was not aware of the history of the house. It came to me in bits and pieces as I got to know people in the community. Jeff never mentioned it that first year - not a word. One night, after we had lived there for about eight months, Jeff was away on business. I was home alone with my two small children. It was late and I couldn't sleep, so I got up and went into the family room to watch some television. I was in the dark and the house was quiet except for the low volume of the TV. All of a sudden, the upstairs hall light flickered on and off. I checked to see if it was storming outside. No... not storming, it was calm as could be. So I went upstairs to see if my little Miss Alyssa was toddling about. No... she was sound asleep. Then I decided that maybe I imagined it, so I went back downstairs to watch more television. No sooner had I settled in, than John's bedroom door opened up and softly closed. Back upstairs I went. Nothing. Finally, I decided that I must be exhausted, so I went to bed and told myself not to worry about it. That was the beginning of many such incidents.

We lived in the house for seven years. Over the course of that time, the upstairs hall light flicked on hundreds of occasions. Mostly, it flickered late at night when Jeff was out of town, but sometimes, it would do it when he was home. John's bedroom door opened and shut frequently too - always at night, and almost always when I was home alone. I never felt frightened though. Instead, I felt comforted, because in my mind, I had decided that it was the Ghost of Mrs. Shaning letting me know that she was there and that I was not alone with my babies.

So the question is, "Do I believe in ghosts?" I don't know if I do. I'm also not sure that I don't. The way we found that house, and the way the sale came about, makes me wonder if there is such a thing as divine intervention. During those years in Neenah, Jeff traveled a lot. I was frequently home alone on long winter nights with my babies. Most days, I was overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. Whenever the light would flicker and John's door would softly open and close, I would be engulfed with a feeling of well being. That's not to say that it didn't take me by surprise - it did. Every time it happened during those seven years, I experienced a little pang of surprise and wonder. Jeff tried to pass it off as the house settling, but I knew better. To me, it seemed to be the spirit of the home saying, "All is well, you are safe."

My children often talk about the Ghost of Mrs. Shaning. They vaguely remember the light flickering, but they can't remember the door opening and closing at all. I'm sure that the reason for this is that I always downplayed the incidents, for you see, I wanted to protect Mrs. Shaning. I liked the thought that she was there in the house with me. I liked believing that she was watching over us when Jeff was away. And, most of all, I thought that her spirit deserved to live in the house where she died. I never liked the fact that the second Mrs. Shaning built a home on top of the foundation where the first Mrs. Shaning died. I always thought that it was irreverent and rather cruel.

In the end, whether it was in my mind or an actual phenomena, I'll never know. What I do know is that I was never once frightened. All I felt was wonder and awe. I like to think that Mrs. Shaning and I were tending to each other, that we were a team looking after the home and watching over my children. Mrs. Shaning was my friendly ghost. She became a familiar part of my daily life and I loved her for that.

Because it is Halloween, that day that celebrates all things frightening, I offer this: take time to think about the possibilities of things beyond common understanding. Stand back and look beyond the facts. Because sometimes, the things you discover just might offer a bit of wonder and awe in return.