Last weekend we saw our first snow of the season. It was beautiful, which is a shocking description coming from me, the Snow Grinch of the world. But I think I've made this disclaimer before: snow is okay during the month of December because 1) it adds to the festive nature of the holidays, and 2) it looks absolutely gorgeous on the outside Christmas lights. I've yet to figure out how to take a nighttime snow picture of the lights covered in white, but I did manage to get a few pictures of the birds flocking to our winter feeder during the storm:
The weather is still cold today, but the snow seems to have passed for the time being. I'd really like another round of the white stuff before the holidays are over because I'm bound and determined to figure out how to take a nighttime picture of snow on the lights, and I can only do that when it actually snows during December. Timing is everything when it comes to my trial and error approach of learning something new.
Parenting is something I've not written about for quite a while - not because I've stopped parenting, and not because I've given up (I haven't) - but because I'm walking the fine line of keeping the lives of my kids private due to their personal request. It's been difficult for me not to talk about this subject since I often work things out through the writing process. But I respect my almost-adult-children, and so I've done my best to honor their wishes. Therefore, the following may be a little vague.
To say that parenting John has been a challenge would be putting it mildly. Parenting this boy is truly the most difficult thing I have ever done in my entire life. I am admittedly in over my head, and there seems to be no end in sight. I continue to struggle to remain afloat as I make decisions that I've never before considered, do things I never thought I'd do, and swallow every ounce of pride while muddling through this thing called Life. But through it all, I've grown to love this child in ways that make me weep because my heart is so full.
When I woke up this morning, I was filled with dread because John had an appointment with a doctor that in the past has made both John and I feel like fools. She's been one of his doctors for the past five years and she doesn't pull any punches - she just says it like it is and sort of bullies us around. The only reason we continue to see her is because 1) we only have to go to her office twice a year, and 2) John plans on finding a new doctor once he turns 18. Therefore, we know our time is limited, so we continue to bite the bullet and suffer her wrath. But neither of us likes it, and neither of us looks forward to these appointments. Today was no different and when I picked John up from school, he was already freaking out about having to see her again.
But you know... life is funny, and sometimes the thing we dread the most can turn into a small miracle, which is exactly what happened today. There was nothing special or different about the appointment today - the doctor was still a bully and John and I still felt like fools - but the time before and the time after were magical because for the first time in months, John opened up to me while we were driving to and from Dr. Bully's office. Today I learned about his break up with she who shall not be mentioned (this had previously been a mystery and it was nice to know "the rest of the story"). He talked to me about why he does not want to get a driver's license (another mystery that I had been unable to solve). He shared with me his fears about leaving [or not] for college (a topic that has been forbidden until today). And he reminisced with me about days gone by and things that he would do differently and the mistakes he's made (something he has never before admitted).
In the grand scheme of things, it was a day just like any other. But in my world, our time together and the words spoken were an answer to my prayers. I don't think we solved any problems, and I know that things are no different tonight than they were this morning, but yet... everything is different because I was given a small glimpse into the mind of this child whom I love so much. And as mothers the world over know: a small glimpse is often the difference between successful parenting and parenting without a clue. And to be very honest about this whole subject of parenting, I'd rather parent successfully than try to do it on a hope and a prayer (which is what I've been doing these past several months).
So that's my feel good story of the day. Like I said, not earth shattering, but it is certainly a step in the right direction.
In other news, I finished snipping the rag quilt and it is now in the possession of the U.S. Postal Service as it makes its trek across America. I have to admit that every single time I send away something that I've made, I have a little panic attack. It is always difficult to entrust a labor of love to perfect strangers. Hopefully, the USPS employees will take good care of my (oh-so-expensive-to-mail) package and it will arrive in time for Christmas.
This rag quilt was made for my brother's girlfriend's daughter (did you follow that?). I've not yet met the new girls in my brother's life, but he loves them and my mom loves them, so I know I will love them too. My thought was that since all the other cousins receive Aunt Kelly quilts last Christmas, giving one to Keily this year would be the perfect "welcome to our family" gift. She is a pre-teen and I was so excited when I found the perfect fabric for this project:
Since this entry is pretty much a bust on the transitions and segues, I'll just wrap things up by saying that it has been an interesting Monday - one that I will remember for many days and weeks to come. I am in awe of the tiny little miracles that we are blessed with when we take the time to slow down and just let thing happen. Today was a tiny miracle day. I like that!