This is the gift John gave me on Mother's Day. It is a poem he wrote a few months ago (thus, the original tear-out sheet from his personal notebook). I cried when I read the words, taped to a card he made just for me, because what he offered was more than a gift... it was a glimmer of hope, and it tells me that he is looking beyond his own problems and that he is aware of the mistakes he's made. And so although we are still weathering the storm, for a moment I saw a break in the clouds.
so many times, so I ask you why.
When I look into your eyes
it's then I see all those tears fell over me
for your fear of losing me.
Mom, I gotta tell the truth,
my love for you goes through the roof.
But you raised me to be a man.
Against all odds, I can tell you that I am.
A few weeks ago, my mom offered some wise advice: she told me that in spite of the difficulties we are having with John, it is important for me to not let those problems consume my every waking hour - because if I were to do that, I would 1) lose myself and begin to resent my son, and 2) give John power to control my life... both things I do not want to see happen. My mom's advice was accompanied with the gentle walking suggestion (which I listened to loud and clear and implemented immediately).
And so in keeping with the theory, "Mother knows best," I decided that I wanted to surround myself with flowers this summer. Flowers are happy things. Flowers are pretty things. Flowers represent growth and beauty. Flowers are good!
Planting flowers sounds simple enough. But for a girl who doesn't enjoy gardening and who would prefer to read a book rather than dig in the dirt, surrounding myself with flowers has become quite a project. The solution to my "I hate gardening" hang up was to use clay pots and plant flowers that could be placed on my deck... the very place where I read my books! It was a win-win all the way around.
When I told Jeff about my flower project, the first thing he did was go out and buy me two hibiscus trees (or are those bushes? I have no clue... because... well... I don't garden). The only thing I know about hibiscus plants is that hummingbirds love them. And although I don't like birds, I do like hummingbirds because they are so delicate.
So far, no hummingbirds. But to entice them, Jeff gave me this for Mother's Day:
After we were set up with the hibiscus plants, we ventured to Home Depot to check out the garden center (a place I am not very familiar with). Here are the flowers we decided to plant - we used clay pots that I had stored under our deck, and we recycled the potting soil that Alyssa used last year.
And finally, because I take everything my mom says as the gospel truth, I thought that biking would be a fun thing to do during the summer months. Yesterday, Jeff gave my bicycle a good scrub and a tune up. Here I am taking it for a quick spin before gearing up for our first ride of the season:
I've got to hand it to my mom - she really does know best! And although we are still weathering the storm, following her advice has allowed me to step away from the storm for a few moments at a time, and that has helped me regroup and find a sense of balance.
When all is said and done, sometimes a break in the clouds is just enough to help see us through life's difficult moments. And flowers... flowers make everything better!