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« In the Trenches | Main | Weathering the storm, but there was a break in the clouds. »

Comments

Cynthia

Kelly, thanks for sharing your story. Thanks for being transparent. Thanks for reminding us all how fragile life is, how easy it is for a good kid to slip, how dangerous those slips are....

Hang in there my friend!

Angie K

Thank you for being so open about all of this. As a mother of a teen boy, my heart goes out to you. But know this - your courage is outstanding.

rachel

thank you for sharing such a painful experience. I read your blog regulary. I am a mom of two boys (10 & 12) - i apprecate your honesty

Theresa (ScrapWench)

Being a parent is the hardest job you will ever do and it is very difficult to see our children make poor choices. We see the big picture, have a sense of consequences and to often they do not.

My fervent wish is that my children's choice don't come with devastating consequences...time will tell.

much love to you Kelly,

Theresa (ScrapWench)

Kirsten

Oh Kelly, I applaud your frank, open attitude. As a parent of an 18 year old who is going off to college next September, I hope and pray he makes good choices. So many variables, so many temptations, and yes, good kids make bad choices. Hopefully John will learn and grow. My heart hurts for you and him, especially with his health issues, he's had a tough go of it, and I've been around enough of this stuff to know how the temptations can seem like the great escape route. Thanks for your eye-opener...I tend to be naive about this stuff.

Marla

Thank you for sharing your story Kelly and I think you are doing a fabulous job handling everything.

Heather

Kelly -- thanks for sharing your story. I frequently say I don't know what I'd do raising my kids if I didn't have friends who hadn't already walked this path that could give me advice and support. While we'd like to think our kids would never do these things, reality is they're going to make mistakes. I'm thinking that this judge probably knows he'd get a much lighter sentence if he had a lawyer who could make a plea bargain for him and felt like he needed that. As for the drinks in regular containers . . . I think you've opened a lot of eyes sharing that information with us all. So didn't occur to me, even though I've been in the HS environment.

As for the text. . . I just couldn't stop thinking about you that morning and knew I didn't want you to have to wait until you got home to read a FB message. Obviously, God had put you on my heart because you needed that text. I've sat in on several cases of teens and know how nerve-wracking that can all be. Know that I consider it an honor to be your BFF. And don't go saying I give so much more than you can reciprocate. You've been there for me through several difficult times, and I have always known I could depend on you -- your thoughts, prayers, advice, and just being there if I needed to get something off my chest. Love and Hugs girlfriend!

ynne

Thanks for giving us the painful update. My son just celebrated his 19th birthday --- his psychology professor told him 19 is the "invincible" year, at no other time in their life do kids think they are more invicible than at 19... Kids brains just don't finish cooking until 25 or so, particularly in regards to impulse control. You can just be sure he has the tools. My oldest son went away to college and flunked out, just not ready for the freedom of choices. John's path may be different than of your daughter's but with your help and guidance, he'll make it.

Becca

I received a phone call on April 17 from my 16 year old daughter's(foster child whom we are adopting)teacher saying she was being arrested at that very moment. It was the worst phone call I have ever and hope to ever have to receive. She was selling/trading prescription medication to other students. She is currently on 10 day suspension and we go Thursday to find out if they will expel her from school for 180 days. She has to go to court on July 7th. She had to spend the night in J. Detention and will have to do community service. She was placed on house arrest until court. It has been a very long week and a half and i am sure that it will get longer as time goes on because I can't do my normal things with out her right next to me-no lunch dates with girl friends, no lunch dates with my husband-so, it will be a long few months. I NEVER even thought about this kind of thing. I too, will stick by her through thick and thin. I will pray that she has also learned a very valuable lesson and will take a different path in her life. Praying for you as well, because I know as a parent how very hard this is. You never expect it, and then, bam, you are there.

pcsmart

my heart is breaking for you, and for john. teens don't think past the moment, don't think at all sometimes. you wonder if they realize the effect their actions have on those around them, those who love them. it is one thing to hurt yourself but another to hurt those you care about you. the sad thing is i was a rebellious teen and my parents never realized it. they had no clue then, or now. i got away with it all and moved on to a normal life (well as normal as i can be). i almost feel cheated because they were so into their own lives they never checked to see what i was really up to...or just didn't want to know. as long as i was not caught or in major trouble with the law or the school - they remained oblivious. so thank you for showing me what a concerned parent feels, goes through when a child messes up. you light the path for those of us who are moving into the teen world....

janet_o

Thanks for putting this out there. Since Abby is starting middle school next year (gasp), I have started to realize that I need to be very aware of this type of thing - just to be AWARE. Scary. You rock. HUGS

Christina

Wow, I'm so sorry you and your family is dealing with this. But it sounds like you are doing everything right and doing what you can. What you described is why I'm so scared to send my oldest into middle school next year. He's a good kid, but no one is immune to peer pressure.

My brother was caught with alcohol when he was 16. He was scared straight and never got in trouble again and is now a police officer. Good kids will do stupid things. But they also learn and change. It sounds like yours is learning and hopefully will make the right decisions from here on out. Some of our most meaningful lessons are painful. But they stick with us.

I wish your family luck in this journey. And that you all come out the other side wiser, stronger and closer.

Steph G.

Kelly, you are a great mom. You offer encouragement and love at the same time you are placing restrictions and setting boundaries. Thank you for sharing this with us - I have a 17 yo DSS and there is so much I don't know about teenagers. Big Hugs and Prayers for you.

Chiara

Kelly this is one of the reasons I admire you. You are willing to put it all out there. I will say this may be the judges way into scaring him straight. Get an attorney and have the attorney try and cut a deal with the prosecuter it is done all the time so it does not have to go to trial. I did know some of that stuff you stated but only because my DH is a police officer. I am so sorry you are going through this and I truly hope John is seeing the light. Many hugs and prayers are being sent your way

Amy So

You are right: They DO think they are invincible. And it's not just teenage stubborness, it is literally the way their brains work. Of course, none of that really matters when you're faced with the reality of everything. Wish (not for the first time!) we lived closer. I'd...well, I don't know what I'd do, other than bring you cookies and hold your hand. I'm sorry you had to go to court all by yourself!

Speaking as a former rebellious child, I have to say that you ARE doing the right things. 100% the best thing is that you are NOT burying your head in the sand. You're not ignoring it. By forcing it out in the open you're taking away some of the power the drugs have. How embarrassing for your MOM to know all your secrets---that takes away some of the appeal right there. But more importantly by forcing the issue you are making a statement that it is NOT ok. And then, letting him have the consequences, too---the exact right thing to do. I know it must be SOOOOO hard, but you are doing it. I'm proud of you!

When I was teaching, one of my students wore a Camelback to class all the time. I never really thought much of it, until he was obviously DRUNK because he had vodka, not water, in his Camelback. Then I was like...DUH. Why would a kid need a Camelback in school? I just thought he was using it as a, you know, a back pack! But I'd not yet taken that special little concept down the road...vodka in waterbottles and Kalua in coffee cups? You have to give them this: they're ingenious. If they'd just apply all that mental energy towards learning, just think! ;)

Constant hugs going your way. Hang in there!!!!!!!

Kim B.

Thanks for sharing this Kelly. I really wish I could give you hug in person. So, I am sending you "hyper hugs".

Times sure have changed since we were teens growing up. You couldn't pay me to be a teen in this day and age. Our children have it so much harder, IMO, than we ever did.

The one thing that stands out for me that your wrote is that "good kids make bad choices". Just keep reminding yourself of that. I have a friend who went through something very similar last year. They got through it and she changed her life around in a big way. Many parents would have turned their back on their child in this situation but it speaks VOLUMES that you are right there for John during all of this.

Sending lots of love and prayers your way............

slammie

HUGE HUGS and P&PT heading your way. Man, times have changed from when we were kids....

Susan

Thank you for being so honest. As the mother of a 14-year-old boy, who is the light of my life, I pray that he stays the good boy that he is. I know it's hard, I have two older girls, one who had a legal issue in college, so I know of what you speak, parents can really only be there for their kids, to set an example, and be present for their kids. Keep up the good work. It sounds like your son has learned his lesson. I know that my daughter did. And yes, it does cost money, but at least it didn't cost life.
Peace,
Susan.

becky

Kelly this post needs to put out there for every mom of teens to see. I applaud you for your strength, love and ability to share even the hardest parts of being a parent. I hope that this is the lesson that John chooses to use to change his choices in the future and to move forward and become all he can. I've shared before that my mother struggled through many of these same issues with my brother and he did come through it and we all survived to become stronger and smarter.

Thanks for the information about the drinking and how they disguise what they are doing. While (even over 30 yrs ago) alcohol was prevelant in my high school we didn't think to hide it in plain sight. As a mother of a almost teen I will share this with my friends so we can also know what to look for.

HUGS my friend.

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