The first phone call home...

I woke up this morning knowing that I had very little on my agenda. This is how it has been since we dropped Alyssa off at college - I am feeling a bit lost, because even though John is still at home, he requires not nearly the time and energy that was required for my girl-child. And for this reason, there are great big gaps in my day where I find myself wandering aimlessly lost and confused.

As I was thinking about the lost feeling in my heart, I realized that I have nothing to talk about right now. Seriously. I am boring. Is this what it is going to be like for the rest of my life? I didn't realize that my entire life was so wrapped up in the care and keeping of my children. There has got to be more that defines me than being a mother. That is only one aspect of who I am. But for some reason, I have lost the rest of me. I don't even know myself anymore if I am not mothering my children.

NOTE TO SELF: Make some changes. Become interesting. Redefine who you are.

And so with that thought in mind, off I went to Costco for no reason other than to fill the tank up with gas and to get out of the house. While out and about, I decided to stop by Starbucks, because... well... that's what real grown ups do. And that, my friends, sums up my day. Boring. I'm telling you... I am boring.

When I returned home after only being away for a short time, the phone rang - the real phone, not my cell phone. I never get excited when the real phone rings since no one of interest calls on that phone anymore. When I glanced at the caller id, I saw Alyssa's name. YIPPEE! The first call since she has left my nest (high fives to me for not being the mom who can't leave her alone and who calls her and bugs her every single day - I have not done that, and I know I won't because this is her time). I have to admit, it was wonderful to hear her voice. And, as expected, she is busy and happy and enjoying living on campus. My heart soared.

A few highlights from this, the all-important first call:

• The girls decided to debunk the beds. They have now moved them into a big row and are sleeping side-by-side-by-side. Alyssa described it as one great big giant king sized bed. She loves the set up, but needs more blankets.
• One of the roommates is a slob. This bothers her a lot, but she still likes the girl.
• Another roommate is using Alyssa's desk as a dumping ground. Alyssa is hoping she figures out a way to handle the situation because it is unacceptable.
• Since their room is the first room on the first floor, they have opted to leave their door open whenever someone is "home." Their room is quickly becoming the gathering place for the entire first floor and there are always more than the original five roommates in the room. This delights Alyssa and she says she is loving making so many new friends.
• Taking  pictures is fun, "and by the way, Mom, I used your Shutterfly account to order prints."
• Last weekend all five roommates headed to Washington DC and spent a night on the town. Alyssa said it was a blast.
• She has not gone to bed before 3:00 in the morning since moving into the dorm. One night they stayed up until 5:00 and then headed off for their classes at 7:30. She's tired, but doesn't want to take a nap. And so begins her next 4 years.
• Since she only signed up for 10 meals a week, she is hungry. Could she please change her meal plan to include 15 meals a week?
• Sorority week is September 11. Alyssa is all about going Greek. She can't wait to pledge, but "Bummer that the dues are so high, mom, because dad told me I had to pay for those myself." <-- yep, she does [smile].
• Tuesday is the best day of the week because she only has one class and it is over by 11:30.
• "Art supplies are expensive, but I love the class and I am glad I decided to take it." This class is absolutely perfect for her, and I, too, am glad she decided to take it.
• Life in the dorm stops when "The Hills" comes on. Everyone gathers around the television and watches the show. They are planning to make this a weekly event.
• She needs a printer, so she's going to buy one tonight using a new friend's employee discount.
• And one final thing that she told her dad, but neglected to mention to me: "I joined the Skydiving Club."

Are you kidding me? The Skydiving Club? My child? Skydiving? Where on earth did that come from? I don't even want to know. Seriously. Do. Not. Tell. Me.

So there you have it, not an entry with pictures (my photo subject has left the building), but a post for anyone who is wondering how I am and how Alyssa is settling in. Based upon this single phone call, it sounds like she is doing fine. There was enthusiasm in her voice, she never once mentioned being homesick (and I will not ask), and she sounded happier than I have heard all summer.

I still haven't cried, and maybe I won't. I think my tears were shed long before she was gone, and I believe those tears prepared me for her leaving. When we dropped her off last week, I experienced a feeling of great satisfaction, and it felt good knowing that I had a hand in helping her reach this point. After talking to Alyssa today, I feel even better. From here on out, she is in control. We gave her the tools and I hope she takes those tools and builds something great. And for that reason alone, I am not sad. In fact, I am happy. Lost. But happy.

And with that in mind, I am going to look for some of my own tools. I know I have them. But they are pretty rusty. I also know that once I find my tools, I am going to have to figure out what to do with them. I might even need new tools, but I'm also hoping that the old tools can be used to rebuild my foundation because once upon a time, I was me... Kelly... not a mom... not a wife... but just me. That's what I am hoping to find again, because when all is said and done, today really is the first day of the rest of my life.

Comments

[Helena]

Five girls in one room! Wow.

[Betsy]

We are living parallel lives, Kelly!! I totally understand what you are going through!! Love and hugs to you! :)

[bcsue]

Kelly, your post made me smile. Mark has just left to go to University. He and his dad flew out to get him set up. I held it together nicely until the car pulled out of the driveway and then had a good cry. Not because I was sad that he was going, because I am so proud and excited for him. But I think I cried because I just wasn't ready for him to grow up so fast. I remembered that Alyssa was also going away to college and so I wanted to peek in to see if you had blogged about that, because I was just feeling a little lost today too.It was nice to feel a kinship with another mother who maybe was feeling a little lost too.
Take care,
Sue

[Nancy G]

You go girl! As one of few lucky ones who knew/know the "original Kelly", I know she has alot going on!

Lots of love and let me know if you need anything...even just moral support

[pc smart]

thank you for this post....i am so glad to hear she is doing well, even if you are "bored" without her :) as we are heading into another challenging school year with our girl child, i needed to hear that yours is settled in and happy. there is hope....

[Kim]

Good for you. Some of what you've written over the last few years reminds me so much of me and my mom. I'm 36 now, so you'd think I'd be over it, but once I graduated high school, my mom seemed to resent me for growing up. She blamed her lost feelings on me. Our relationship while I was in college was not good, to say the least. I admire the way you are handling things with Alyssa. Having my own two girls now, makes me realize how hard that time was for my mom, but it was her job to raise me then let me go. I wish she could have handled it with more grace, we are closer now, but there are still scars between us. I know you and Alyssa will be fine once her "finding herself" years are in the past. In the meantime, you will have found yourself too. Best of luck on your journey.

[heather]

Kelly, my friend . . . .glad she's enjoying (almost)everything about college. Sounds like she's having fun. My freshman year, my roommate and I had the room across from the communal bathroom and we did the same thing -- left the door open when either of us were there. We made a lot of really great friends in the first weeks at college.

[Kirsten]

hey, hey, hey, I need to hear about some sewing projects...and I'm trying to hold it together myself...as my son doesn't appear to *need* me for his wisdom teeth post-op appointment tomorrow...

[.tawnya.]

Kelly E!
Oh.my.gosh...it has been so long! I was thinking of you today. I just had to come find your blog so I started my search and found it so quickly.. it felt good to read it again! Gosh... I could say so much... wow.

[Kip]

Ahhh, that brings back so many memories!! I never had to bunk in with 3 other girls though so glad about that part, lol! I remember that it was when I was away at college that I first realized how important my parents were and I really started appreciating them. She will too, trust me. Meanwhile, enjoy yourself! You have some great skills so use them! Big hugs!

kip

[Holly]

What a perfect post for me. We leave in just a few hours to take our girls (twins) to college. I to will be an empty nester. Good for you for not calling! I hope I will be able to contain myself. I just want them to be safe. I am so glad Alyssa is doing well. I will be hoping for the same phone call - minus the skydiving!! Keep posting - it makes me feel so not alone!

[jenny]

You go girl-you have the tools and you use them. I am behind you and support you. Unfortunately, life is boring. I am working 50 hours a week and I feel my life is boring. What can we do to make it unboring?

I love you sis, and your strength during this time of "empty nesting". I am always just a phone call away.

Love and kisses
jen

[slammie]

sounds like she's having a blast and adjusting well. see, mom, you raised her well!!! you are so many more things than just a mom....wife, daughter, artist, quilter, scrapbooker, friend.....

[Chiara]

oh good luck and I know you will find you.